How many women do you know with numerous pinterest boards or folders of pictures on their phone of the decor they want at their wedding? They know what shoes they’ll be wearing, and which ones their husband-to-be will be wearing to match that. They have options A, B, C anddd D for venues, because being prepared is always necessary. Or men who want to ride in a fancy car and have all twenty-seven of their guys be groomsmen in their matching suits.

The wedding party’s entrance is fleeky. Everybody has their own song. There’s even a choreography for entertainment in the middle of the night. And of course, no party is complete without the best DJ in town, and food that everyone is talking about months later. So every time someone says the word jollof now, we must all remember that amaaaazing jollof that you had at your wedding.

Everything is in place for the wedding to be lit, as they say. Assumedly, so is their marriage.

Read More The Race to the Wedding

Blog

I’ve heard that marriages have broken over toothpaste; husband squeezes from the middle, wife from the bottom, wahala, over. Cutlery recently ended another marriage. Hubby was put off when wife didn’t bring food with cutlery, wife couldn’t believe hubby couldn’t appreciate the effort she’d put into making food and rather focused on cutlery he could get himself also, wahala, over.

Toilet seats, too much salt, milk finishing too quickly have all ended marriages, but the chart topper is kelewele. Kelewele my bredas, kelewele ended a marriage in 2016. Hubby picks up wife after work. En route home, hubby stops by his favourite kelewele joint. He buys GHC 7 with GHC 2 groundnut. She’s not so hungry so doesn’t want one for herself, but he knew she’d pick at his, hence the GHC 7 instead of his standard GHC 5. Read More How Kelewele Ended A Marriage

Blog

So I’ve been married, what? like two months and I’ve cracked it! I figured out best practices on how to cheat on your Mrs. It’s not rocket science really, and if this doesn’t work, I’m offering a money-back guarantee! See, these days, a wedding ring turns more women on than ripped abs and fake slangs. Just flash that ring and they be like “Oooohh mmyyy, that Mrs. sure is lucky! My goodness. Have you been treating her right? do you make her happy? are you sure? (giggles) really? You wanna show me?”

Last week, my married cousin passed by my office with Naa, our mutual friend. Sam’s a nice guy. Nice, respectable guy. leads Bible study in church but is not an uptight Christian. He has the blackest lips! When we were talking, I couldn’t help but notice the purple smudge on his lip. Naa had gone to use the washroom so it was just us talking. The more we spoke, the harder it became to ignore the smudge on his lip. Naa’s lipstick was purple. Very quickly, my mind connected the dots! So I asked “Wait a minute, Sam, there is lipstick on your lips. How did lipstick get on your lips!?”

His heart missed a beat, but it didn’t show in his calm countenance. He just wiped hard and said dismissively “Oh it’s nothing, just a French way of saying hi.”

I laughed till I choked. “Eeeeeyiii! Gyimitoooottto! French ebaaadzi?! French way of saying ‘hi’. Then how’ll they say ‘How are you?’ Nonsense, but how can you try to BS me? you know i’m too smart for that!”

His face was all kinds of silly. Read More How To Cheat On Your Wife.

Blog

I’m not that tall, but when I stand on my lyrics, you lie baadd! I can give you vibes aaah, you’ll have to tip toe to reach my shoulder. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard people say “Eiiii you thhiiissss bbooyy! I cant wait to see who you end up marrying!” So many people said it that I started getting really curious myself…and a little worried too; who was I going to end up marrying?

I’m told I have a sense of humour, and gorgeous women love men who can keep a smile on their faces. When a fine girl comes from money, is mature or has been bad long enough, she KNOWS, that it’s not all about the money. That’s where my kind get’s the upper hand. I will do you logoligi saaaah, you wont even check my tithe.

But even funny fine guys have issues. I have my issues. I can be critical, overly analytical, sometimes lazy, a little dramatic, a photographic memory, plus a tad too much ego. Unless it’s exceptionally stimulating, it’s hard for me to keep a sustained interest in one thing for too long, that’s why advertising is so cool, I get to work on many brands at the same time. I knew I was so some way that I wasn’t expecting to run into the woman I’d marry anytime soon. Read More How I Met My Wife

Blog

I have the unfortunate pleasure of being in that prime age range where a lot of people expect you to be married or well on your way to being married. Ergo, a lot of conversations with people significantly older than me centre on the topic of marriage. I think this is in a bid to give me unnecessary pressure, but I refuse to collect it.

Regardless of this, talking about marriage a lot more lately, I get the opportunity to have interesting conversations about it and what it’s like. Considering that I intend to be married some day, I figure why not ask these people about it. I enjoy finding out what gems each of them have to drop on marriage. Majority of the people who ask me about it are already married and a few are divorced, so regardless of whether it was a failed or successful marriage, I like to engage them in a conversation about what they have learned. It’s always a fun way to flip the conversation.

I haven’t gotten as many “gems” as I had hoped when I decided to start flipping the conversation, but I do have an excerpt from a lady I heard speaking at a conference a few months ago. She wasn’t even speaking directly to me. I believe someone had asked her about her marriage and in her answer she said something that has kind of stuck with me since:

Read More The Ring Doesn’t Absolve You Of…

Blog

The internet makes the world feel like a neighborhood. A bus runs through a crowd in France and hearts bleed in Accra. A bomb goes off in a Bagbad airport and the traveller in Kotoka shudders. There’s so much tension, so much bad blood, so much political corruption, so many horrific things happening and I might just know how to stop it. For good!

You see, a black president, a policy change, a peace walk, a celebrity campaign against violence are only as effective in dealing with the tragic spate of things as a cup of Sobolo will be in solving a three-day hunger. It wont work. An online campaign wont work. Raising awareness and whatever comes out of it may at best look like its working for a while, but it wont solve it for good. There must be a better way and there is! The family.

Think about it; anyone old enough to say a hurtful word or squeeze a trigger was a cute cuddly baby some years back. He was a blank canvas. He cried when mum pulled out her boob before he was full. He pooped his pants and giggled when he saw the disgust on dad’s face as he changed the diapers. They were born. All of them. But into what? Read More How Terrorists Are Born And The Way Out

Blog

I’m beginning to wonder if doctors are just writers who grew up confusing a stethoscope for a pen. I mean look at Tele, who does his thing with Tele Tuesdays and our recent smash hit guest writer Sally Boateng who is a Doctor in training. Today as well, we have a doctor guest blogger writing about nothing close to the circulatory system.

Dr. Izzy is a long time fan here and it was worth waiting for her to come around to writing this; it clearly came from somewhere deep. They say if a crocodile tells you about something going down in the river, better believe it. I suggest you give this doctor-writer woman your attention if you have plans of keeping your woman. She is a croc 😉

……………………………………

The good book says he who finds a wife finds a good thing. A good number of guys I know have been finding good things lately and bagging them. Dapper dudes + blushing brides and everything in between make for such perfect pictures. The journey of the rest of your lives is beginning and you look forward to this beautiful thing, which is great.

You met the lady of your dreams, cool. You put a ring on it, sweet. Now it is time to get serious. Read More How To Keep Her For Life –Guest Blogger Izzy Suarez

Blog

There is a Nigerian proverb that owns a special spot in my heart; The man with a beautiful wife and the farmer with his corn by the roadside both have the same issues. Kwerrrr, dating a drop dead gorgeous woman, it’s a special calling o, trust me, I KNOW.

We all have things we wish for in the person we’ll marrry, like for me she being a fantastic cook is such a big deal! Im not going to deny it, I love body! The way I see it, if the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, well how about some curvy architecture for the worshipper!? But that’s just me, for you, he being rich or ambitious could be what gets you weak in the knees. Or she having Krobosutra potential could be what kills you.

There are girls who love a man because of the family he comes from or the school he went to and there are men who love a woman because of the length of her hair or the lightness of her shade…which begs a whole new conversation about how she ended up halfco when she was born ebony black. But let’s leave that for another day. Read More The SEXIEST Thing About My Dream Wife

Blog

Every day draws us further into our future and further away from our past. As I also keep saying, “the mistakes you make in your early 20’s have far more grievous consequences in your later 20’s“. If you’re going to toe the line the majority will, sooner or later you’re going to become someone’s wife or husband. I’ve also come to see that we put so much effort into preparing to get married that we fail to realise that we’ve put in zilch effort into being married, by the time we are married…and that’s one surefire recipe for disaster, guys (more on that in another post down the line though).  Ladies, ever been taken home to Mama before? Did you pass?? Oh, you didn’t realise it was a test?! Like seriously?? *Whew* Then read on – everybody does well with some apor after all 😉

 

I’m writing from this angle because I’m… *sigh* (I know this will get me into a lot of trouble but I’m going to say it In This Context Alone and then it is Finished…!) I am Mama’s boy. I’m the last born and the only son of my mother so you’ve got to believe me when I say I’ve got some right (or is it responsibility?) to write this today. I sometimes write stuff that needs to be said too – and heard – at least once in your life by a close friend (whom you’ll hopefully believe…but I digress).

My attention was drawn to an old piece I wrote some time ago –  about who a Lady was – by a friend of mine a week ago and as I went through it all over again my Muse started whispering in my ear. She asked me a simple question: “What next?” Read More Taking Her Home to Mama

Uncategorized

My friend’s dad said to him last month; don’t marry a woman from a broken home…she’ll be carrying her mother’s fears in her. I think there’s as much risk in dating a woman like that as there is in dating a man from a complete family but with an irresponsible dad. These days there are broken homes that are still together only in the technical sense.

You, me we’ve all been hurt before. In some ways we are the sum total of our pains and joys, our memories and experiences. The things we go through are the chisels that shape us into who we are, and in time, it becomes difficult to tell between hurt-induced opinions and God-induced ones. In time our subjective experiences find their way into our objective opinions. So when our carpenters, mechanics or bosses advice us, it’s laden with their individual experiences, which is easier to discern. The problematic ones are those that come from scarred parents.

I love the Krobos because of the sensual knowledge mothers and grandmothers pass on to daughters about to get married. All mothers pass on knowledge of sorts, but some pass on venom. They charge their daughters to avenge them for the lives their fathers held them back from leading. If a man cheated on them, they convince their daughters that all men are bleating goats, so don’t lose sleep over a promiscuous husband. Read More Mother Of The Bride

Blog