This right here is one of my personal faves from 2013. Come for your data if you dont enjoy it!

Rebecca1

I spotted the most beautiful woman last Saturday. I’d gone for a wedding at the Trade fair in Labadi, and everyone was moving to the reception on the lush lawn close by. Then I saw her smiling as she posed for a picture. There was something striking about her. As cliché as it sounds I felt we’d met before, she looked too gorgeous for me to have forgotten a previous encounter, but I still couldn’t place her.

Half an hour later, after the bride had thrown her bouquet and one of “all the single ladies’ had caught it, I noticed that the seat beside her had become vacant. I’m past the stage where I dilly dally about talking to a captivating girl, missing the chance and bashing myself for weeks after. After all, I have an impressive complimentary card, I’m no ‘likkle buoy’.

“Hi,” I said sliding into the chair beside her “you have the kind of weekend glory that makes the bride seem like a regular weekday.”

“Sorry?” she asked, genuinely baffled

“Ummn” I stuttered “Sorry. I should stop that…ummn, no no, I meant I shouldn’t have said that. I’m terrible at pick-up lines, somehow I imagined that’ll make you smile.” My palms were sweaty and I puffed out air like I’d just jogged a mile. Read More Rebecca & I

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Been a while people. (Understatement of the Year, I know) I’ve had a number of projects on my plate and work and just about every stress out there so far with work and I’ve only been busy with extra-short pieces (translated: Facebook and WhatsApp statuses, lol) I can fire out in minutes, if not seconds. But today, I am back and will be in as regular a circulation as I can manage to be in around here once more! 😀

Hiatuses are meant to be broken – and what better way than with a short piece from yours truly? 😉 Have a read, let it percolate for a bit, then hit me up with your ideas on this. Let’s dialogue. #TeleTuesdays

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So…I was just replying to a status somewhere else on Facebook when this brainwave hit me. If you’re still reading this, hold onto something because I’m about to upset a number of people – may that not include you, I pray!

 

My dear sister, if you’re looking forward to getting married and your mentality has it as a search for someone who will treat you equally so you may enter into a 50/50 partnership and call it a marriage, please STAHP IT right now! Read More Mrs. 50/50

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How many women do you know with numerous pinterest boards or folders of pictures on their phone of the decor they want at their wedding? They know what shoes they’ll be wearing, and which ones their husband-to-be will be wearing to match that. They have options A, B, C anddd D for venues, because being prepared is always necessary. Or men who want to ride in a fancy car and have all twenty-seven of their guys be groomsmen in their matching suits.

The wedding party’s entrance is fleeky. Everybody has their own song. There’s even a choreography for entertainment in the middle of the night. And of course, no party is complete without the best DJ in town, and food that everyone is talking about months later. So every time someone says the word jollof now, we must all remember that amaaaazing jollof that you had at your wedding.

Everything is in place for the wedding to be lit, as they say. Assumedly, so is their marriage.

Read More The Race to the Wedding

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I’ve heard that marriages have broken over toothpaste; husband squeezes from the middle, wife from the bottom, wahala, over. Cutlery recently ended another marriage. Hubby was put off when wife didn’t bring food with cutlery, wife couldn’t believe hubby couldn’t appreciate the effort she’d put into making food and rather focused on cutlery he could get himself also, wahala, over.

Toilet seats, too much salt, milk finishing too quickly have all ended marriages, but the chart topper is kelewele. Kelewele my bredas, kelewele ended a marriage in 2016. Hubby picks up wife after work. En route home, hubby stops by his favourite kelewele joint. He buys GHC 7 with GHC 2 groundnut. She’s not so hungry so doesn’t want one for herself, but he knew she’d pick at his, hence the GHC 7 instead of his standard GHC 5. Read More How Kelewele Ended A Marriage

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So I’ve been married, what? like two months and I’ve cracked it! I figured out best practices on how to cheat on your Mrs. It’s not rocket science really, and if this doesn’t work, I’m offering a money-back guarantee! See, these days, a wedding ring turns more women on than ripped abs and fake slangs. Just flash that ring and they be like “Oooohh mmyyy, that Mrs. sure is lucky! My goodness. Have you been treating her right? do you make her happy? are you sure? (giggles) really? You wanna show me?”

Last week, my married cousin passed by my office with Naa, our mutual friend. Sam’s a nice guy. Nice, respectable guy. leads Bible study in church but is not an uptight Christian. He has the blackest lips! When we were talking, I couldn’t help but notice the purple smudge on his lip. Naa had gone to use the washroom so it was just us talking. The more we spoke, the harder it became to ignore the smudge on his lip. Naa’s lipstick was purple. Very quickly, my mind connected the dots! So I asked “Wait a minute, Sam, there is lipstick on your lips. How did lipstick get on your lips!?”

His heart missed a beat, but it didn’t show in his calm countenance. He just wiped hard and said dismissively “Oh it’s nothing, just a French way of saying hi.”

I laughed till I choked. “Eeeeeyiii! Gyimitoooottto! French ebaaadzi?! French way of saying ‘hi’. Then how’ll they say ‘How are you?’ Nonsense, but how can you try to BS me? you know i’m too smart for that!”

His face was all kinds of silly. Read More How To Cheat On Your Wife.

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I’m not that tall, but when I stand on my lyrics, you lie baadd! I can give you vibes aaah, you’ll have to tip toe to reach my shoulder. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard people say “Eiiii you thhiiissss bbooyy! I cant wait to see who you end up marrying!” So many people said it that I started getting really curious myself…and a little worried too; who was I going to end up marrying?

I’m told I have a sense of humour, and gorgeous women love men who can keep a smile on their faces. When a fine girl comes from money, is mature or has been bad long enough, she KNOWS, that it’s not all about the money. That’s where my kind get’s the upper hand. I will do you logoligi saaaah, you wont even check my tithe.

But even funny fine guys have issues. I have my issues. I can be critical, overly analytical, sometimes lazy, a little dramatic, a photographic memory, plus a tad too much ego. Unless it’s exceptionally stimulating, it’s hard for me to keep a sustained interest in one thing for too long, that’s why advertising is so cool, I get to work on many brands at the same time. I knew I was so some way that I wasn’t expecting to run into the woman I’d marry anytime soon. Read More How I Met My Wife

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I have the unfortunate pleasure of being in that prime age range where a lot of people expect you to be married or well on your way to being married. Ergo, a lot of conversations with people significantly older than me centre on the topic of marriage. I think this is in a bid to give me unnecessary pressure, but I refuse to collect it.

Regardless of this, talking about marriage a lot more lately, I get the opportunity to have interesting conversations about it and what it’s like. Considering that I intend to be married some day, I figure why not ask these people about it. I enjoy finding out what gems each of them have to drop on marriage. Majority of the people who ask me about it are already married and a few are divorced, so regardless of whether it was a failed or successful marriage, I like to engage them in a conversation about what they have learned. It’s always a fun way to flip the conversation.

I haven’t gotten as many “gems” as I had hoped when I decided to start flipping the conversation, but I do have an excerpt from a lady I heard speaking at a conference a few months ago. She wasn’t even speaking directly to me. I believe someone had asked her about her marriage and in her answer she said something that has kind of stuck with me since:

Read More The Ring Doesn’t Absolve You Of…

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The internet makes the world feel like a neighborhood. A bus runs through a crowd in France and hearts bleed in Accra. A bomb goes off in a Bagbad airport and the traveller in Kotoka shudders. There’s so much tension, so much bad blood, so much political corruption, so many horrific things happening and I might just know how to stop it. For good!

You see, a black president, a policy change, a peace walk, a celebrity campaign against violence are only as effective in dealing with the tragic spate of things as a cup of Sobolo will be in solving a three-day hunger. It wont work. An online campaign wont work. Raising awareness and whatever comes out of it may at best look like its working for a while, but it wont solve it for good. There must be a better way and there is! The family.

Think about it; anyone old enough to say a hurtful word or squeeze a trigger was a cute cuddly baby some years back. He was a blank canvas. He cried when mum pulled out her boob before he was full. He pooped his pants and giggled when he saw the disgust on dad’s face as he changed the diapers. They were born. All of them. But into what? Read More How Terrorists Are Born And The Way Out

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I’m beginning to wonder if doctors are just writers who grew up confusing a stethoscope for a pen. I mean look at Tele, who does his thing with Tele Tuesdays and our recent smash hit guest writer Sally Boateng who is a Doctor in training. Today as well, we have a doctor guest blogger writing about nothing close to the circulatory system.

Dr. Izzy is a long time fan here and it was worth waiting for her to come around to writing this; it clearly came from somewhere deep. They say if a crocodile tells you about something going down in the river, better believe it. I suggest you give this doctor-writer woman your attention if you have plans of keeping your woman. She is a croc 😉

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The good book says he who finds a wife finds a good thing. A good number of guys I know have been finding good things lately and bagging them. Dapper dudes + blushing brides and everything in between make for such perfect pictures. The journey of the rest of your lives is beginning and you look forward to this beautiful thing, which is great.

You met the lady of your dreams, cool. You put a ring on it, sweet. Now it is time to get serious. Read More How To Keep Her For Life –Guest Blogger Izzy Suarez

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There is a Nigerian proverb that owns a special spot in my heart; The man with a beautiful wife and the farmer with his corn by the roadside both have the same issues. Kwerrrr, dating a drop dead gorgeous woman, it’s a special calling o, trust me, I KNOW.

We all have things we wish for in the person we’ll marrry, like for me she being a fantastic cook is such a big deal! Im not going to deny it, I love body! The way I see it, if the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, well how about some curvy architecture for the worshipper!? But that’s just me, for you, he being rich or ambitious could be what gets you weak in the knees. Or she having Krobosutra potential could be what kills you.

There are girls who love a man because of the family he comes from or the school he went to and there are men who love a woman because of the length of her hair or the lightness of her shade…which begs a whole new conversation about how she ended up halfco when she was born ebony black. But let’s leave that for another day. Read More The SEXIEST Thing About My Dream Wife

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