So I’ve been married, what? like two months and I’ve cracked it! I figured out best practices on how to cheat on your Mrs. It’s not rocket science really, and if this doesn’t work, I’m offering a money-back guarantee! See, these days, a wedding ring turns more women on than ripped abs and fake slangs. Just flash that ring and they be like “Oooohh mmyyy, that Mrs. sure is lucky! My goodness. Have you been treating her right? do you make her happy? are you sure? (giggles) really? You wanna show me?”

Last week, my married cousin passed by my office with Naa, our mutual friend. Sam’s a nice guy. Nice, respectable guy. leads Bible study in church but is not an uptight Christian. He has the blackest lips! When we were talking, I couldn’t help but notice the purple smudge on his lip. Naa had gone to use the washroom so it was just us talking. The more we spoke, the harder it became to ignore the smudge on his lip. Naa’s lipstick was purple. Very quickly, my mind connected the dots! So I asked “Wait a minute, Sam, there is lipstick on your lips. How did lipstick get on your lips!?”

His heart missed a beat, but it didn’t show in his calm countenance. He just wiped hard and said dismissively “Oh it’s nothing, just a French way of saying hi.”

I laughed till I choked. “Eeeeeyiii! Gyimitoooottto! French ebaaadzi?! French way of saying ‘hi’. Then how’ll they say ‘How are you?’ Nonsense, but how can you try to BS me? you know i’m too smart for that!”

His face was all kinds of silly. Read More How To Cheat On Your Wife.

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EVERYONE knows the famous “ask and you shall receive” verse. Eeeeverryyyyone and their grandmother. I’m one of those people who falters between not asking because how-can-you-make-something-like-that-happen and ask-anyway-because-theres-the-likelihood-you-wont-get-it-mpo.

Typically, I end up at ask-anyway. Because I’m all for shoot-your-shot and see where it lands.

My favourite (I know, I know, you’re not really supposed to have favourites, but stay with me) verse regarding prayer and whether or not it gets answered is when God asks Moses, “is my hand waxed short?” Every time I think about asking for something and I think it might be too big an ask, I try to remind myself of that.

How can it be too big, do you know who you’re asking? My friend, ask worhor. “ – is the running monologue I have with myself.

Read More This Kind Prayer

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I’m not that tall, but when I stand on my lyrics, you lie baadd! I can give you vibes aaah, you’ll have to tip toe to reach my shoulder. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard people say “Eiiii you thhiiissss bbooyy! I cant wait to see who you end up marrying!” So many people said it that I started getting really curious myself…and a little worried too; who was I going to end up marrying?

I’m told I have a sense of humour, and gorgeous women love men who can keep a smile on their faces. When a fine girl comes from money, is mature or has been bad long enough, she KNOWS, that it’s not all about the money. That’s where my kind get’s the upper hand. I will do you logoligi saaaah, you wont even check my tithe.

But even funny fine guys have issues. I have my issues. I can be critical, overly analytical, sometimes lazy, a little dramatic, a photographic memory, plus a tad too much ego. Unless it’s exceptionally stimulating, it’s hard for me to keep a sustained interest in one thing for too long, that’s why advertising is so cool, I get to work on many brands at the same time. I knew I was so some way that I wasn’t expecting to run into the woman I’d marry anytime soon. Read More How I Met My Wife

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Fam, it’s been a while, and don’t you think for a moment that I’ve forgotten about you. Thing is, when I blindly repeated after my pastor “This is my year of possessing my possessions! I shall claim all that is mine! Every inheritance of mine comes to me in Jesus name!”, I had no idea He’d take me so seriously so quickly. It’s only March but enough amazing stuff have happened to fill a year, top of which is…shhhh…wait for it. Top of which is….AAAIIIII GGGAAAATTTT MMAARRIIEEEEDDD!

I deeeeed, i deeeed fam. I got my gold in words dipped in some hot marital sauce.Yes yes, i know, you’re right, there were no pre wedding photos, there was next to no publicity but still I am better than Adele. The Mrs. is  amazing and you most likely know her. She was the wife in Mistress of My Life- The Krobosutra story, she inspired ‘The SEXIEST Thing About My Dream Wife’ and the all-time best post ever on this site; ‘Made By A Woman.’ plus several others. Read More Goldinwords Has A Mrs!

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ERM…I don’t love him. If my father died tomorrow, there’d be no attachment. My life wouldn’t be any different than it has been for the past few years. He hasn’t really done anything. He was a bad father and a terrible husband. I have cared for myself for the past two years. I pay the bills at home. I don’t love him. I have never told him I love him. feel pity for him really,” uttered my friend.

I have a group of male friends who, if I do say so myself, are amazing. They are not without their flaws, but they are some of the most talented, comforting, intellectual men I know. There’s a saying that goes “children don’t do as they are told, they imitate what they see.” Some of my male friends, after I have pried and forced them to talk about things like this, admitted that they didn’t have the best fathers. They had physical fathers, but not so much relationships with those men. Based on that and the saying, I began to ponder the kind of fathers my male friends would be to their future children.

I’ve wondered if somehow, based on the notion of children doing as they see and not as they are told, my friends would act like their fathers or were already doing that without knowing it. One of my closest friends comes from a dual-parent home and yet doesn’t really have a relationship with his father.
Read More The Forgotten Fathers

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Cheating…can you resist? Ask Kobby in the conclusion of this story right here (in case you’ve not read it yet). Enjoy!

 

6:00am, Valentine’s Day.

Kobby was in the shower, preparing for his day whilst Joy was finishing off with some light reading she’d picked up a week before.

She didn’t go snooping per se – no – but he’d left his phone screen-up on the bed as usual and she just happened to instinctively glance that way when it beeped a Whatsapp alert. She picked it up and was about to call out to him that he’d gotten a message from “Go Away” with a giggle when her finger unintentionally brushed against the sensor, unlocking it and displaying the racy selfie Charlene had just sent him in a smidgen of underwear!

Her heart skipped a beat as she choked on the giggle. The woman had captioned it, “How will I have you tonight, Naughty or Nice?” and that just drove her into palpitations! She felt her world closing in around her, as if the panic attacks of her bouts of childhood asthma were coming back all at once.

What was this?! As if she hadn’t paid her dues trudging all of the way down the Broken Road that had finally led her to Dr. Kobby Akorful, now this was what she was confronted with. Was he having an affair?! Her blood ran cold at that thought and she simultaneously felt a heavy hand squeeze her heart at the pain of the thought. Am I not enough for him? Was it anything I did? Can Kobby be this heartless and cruel?! These thoughts ran through her mind in a few seconds and it was all she could do to press down on the panic she was feeling just then so it wouldn’t consume her.  Read More Tempted to Touch II

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Living in Ghana, I think we learn about God firstly through a sensational experience before we learn about Him any other way. Maybe because your mother or father had someone pray over you and you were forced to feeeeel the Spirit before you even know who or what he was and why he was so intent on being felt by you.

You rarely get an explanation of who the Trinity is, what their purpose is, or who is who in said Trinity. You must believe because your father believes, and your father’s father, and their parents before them. And God forbid you be the one who doesn’t follow the path the ancestors have set. No questions can be asked, because how dare you question God?

Based on that experience, of relating to God viscerally before you can relate to him emotionally or mentally, I think, I think we tend to become slaves of that visceral feeeeling of God.

There’s nothing wrong with that though…right? How do you know God is there if people aren’t wailing and you not breaking out in goosebumps everywhere? And if that’s how to feel God, I don’t think I feel God anymore.

Read More I Don’t Feel God Anymore

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YOU cannot, if you’re not a person of colour, wear cornrows, or rasta, or even wear your hair in what might remotely resemble a natural ‘fro. You’re aiding in cultural appropriation, and it’s just down right wrong.

You can’t refer to baby hairs if you, as a matter of fact, do not have baby hairs. If you have thin long hair, that is almost the same length as the rest of your head of hair, you are aiding in cultural appropriation.

How dare the thought of wrapping your head with designer scarves even come up? When women around the world are being shamed for wearing a headwrap?!

How can you call a black person “black” and not a person of colour? Do you even realise how offensive that is? It is not okay to assume a person who is biracial is black simply because one of their parents is. They are actually a very equal mix of both races. That’s why they are called biracial people.

Read More You Must Be Politically Correct

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IT was almost Christmas and I was checking in with one of my girls, Aba. She was getting ready to make a trip home. She was, understandably, excited because she planned a trip the year before and couldn’t make it. I didn’t help by telling her how much she missed out. As per usual, we had already made plans and were ready to discuss how we were going to spend Christmas. We also planned for spontaneous plans. I know. However, Aba in Ghana always means something spontaneous is going to happen. Said something usually involves some man.

“Are you excited?” I asked.

“Small”

“Because all your boys are there,” I retorted.

“On the lowest key, I’m excited to get regular smooches.”

“Waa shr3, I know you too well. Kwame and Bobby?”

“Not Bobby anymore. He’ll be there, but more Kwame.”

“You might get married to Kwame.”

“Don’t even go there.”

“I’ve gone papa.”

“Haha. Hmm. Not unless he changes.”

“Oh please, you were there supporting his trifling behaviour, he’s not going to change.”

Read More You Cannot Do Better

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Dear sweetheart,

I don’t even know you yet, but you should know that I pray for you. I am slowly learning that doing so will always be a part of my life. I pray for your journey with me for nine months and how much bonding we’re going to be doing. But mostly, I pray because I am no longer naïve to the difficulties that pregnancy may come with. Therefore, before you are even conceived, I am praying that your nine-month journey is as smooth as possible.

This will be new for both you and I, and there are so many mistakes I’m going to make. You’re going to have to forgive me. It’s not really like you have a choice, you’re stuck with me. Speaking of being stuck, please know and understand that there will be times when I cannot stand your fearfully and wonderfully made self, but that does not mean I love you any less.

I love you already.

You’re going to have amazing years of people picking you up and biting your cheeks…Alright, that will just be me. However, once you get past that stage I want you to know this:

Read More Open Letter to My First-Born Child

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