When I started, I had no intention of writing a part 2. And now there’s a part 3 coming up next week! See how you get me weak in the knees? lol. Here’s where we left off;

She laughed “Sorry, I don’t give my numbers out like that.” With that she slid into the front seat of the car. Her friend did same and started the engine. Yaw didn’t see it coming. Something about his disorientation made her feel bad. She rolled her window down halfway “But maybe after the third time I see you in church, I might reconsider.” She smiled as they drove off.

He watched their taillight disappear into the darkness, smiling like a piglet. He started thinking to himself what department in the church to join.

***

II

She was on his mind all throughout the week. She stained his mind. He tried to find her on Facebook. 12 hours went into that search, literally! but her face didn’t show. The more unfindable she was, the more he craved to find her. She didn’t come to church on Sunday, but that wasn’t a shocker; most people came for the Friday night prayer service then went to their own churches on Sundays.

On Friday, he felt what David meant when he said “I was glad when they said unto me…” He was distracted the whole service, turning in the direction of every motion, hoping it was her coming in. She didn’t show. He felt frustrated; he’d been present but absent from the service and missed out on being edified. The person who could have made it all worth it too didn’t show. Bummer! Next Friday was the same. He started to think maybe she was some boga who’d returned to Alabama. Read More The Steamy Church Romance II

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How many women do you know with numerous pinterest boards or folders of pictures on their phone of the decor they want at their wedding? They know what shoes they’ll be wearing, and which ones their husband-to-be will be wearing to match that. They have options A, B, C anddd D for venues, because being prepared is always necessary. Or men who want to ride in a fancy car and have all twenty-seven of their guys be groomsmen in their matching suits.

The wedding party’s entrance is fleeky. Everybody has their own song. There’s even a choreography for entertainment in the middle of the night. And of course, no party is complete without the best DJ in town, and food that everyone is talking about months later. So every time someone says the word jollof now, we must all remember that amaaaazing jollof that you had at your wedding.

Everything is in place for the wedding to be lit, as they say. Assumedly, so is their marriage.

Read More The Race to the Wedding

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She was the first person he noticed when he entered the auditorium. There was nothing remarkable about the tight blue jeans or navy green top she was in, but there was everything about the body it clad.

Such perfect proportions, such sufficiency, such equilibrium! What a temple! She was fair, but not the induced kind; he’d learnt to spot cream-induced fairness by spotting darker knuckles and inconsistent ‘fairness pantones’. This one was legit. The neckline of her top was a little loose so he could notice a few petals of the rose tattooed at her back. No colours, just black contours. It was a beautiful tattoo.

The usher directed him to a seat four rows behind her. She shared his attention with the pulpit. The worship songs were moving her. She was in the spirit. When she jumped, she wobbled, and he swallowed, then looked up to heaven. Forgive. Read More The Steamy Church Romance.

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So I’ve been married, what? like two months and I’ve cracked it! I figured out best practices on how to cheat on your Mrs. It’s not rocket science really, and if this doesn’t work, I’m offering a money-back guarantee! See, these days, a wedding ring turns more women on than ripped abs and fake slangs. Just flash that ring and they be like “Oooohh mmyyy, that Mrs. sure is lucky! My goodness. Have you been treating her right? do you make her happy? are you sure? (giggles) really? You wanna show me?”

Last week, my married cousin passed by my office with Naa, our mutual friend. Sam’s a nice guy. Nice, respectable guy. leads Bible study in church but is not an uptight Christian. He has the blackest lips! When we were talking, I couldn’t help but notice the purple smudge on his lip. Naa had gone to use the washroom so it was just us talking. The more we spoke, the harder it became to ignore the smudge on his lip. Naa’s lipstick was purple. Very quickly, my mind connected the dots! So I asked “Wait a minute, Sam, there is lipstick on your lips. How did lipstick get on your lips!?”

His heart missed a beat, but it didn’t show in his calm countenance. He just wiped hard and said dismissively “Oh it’s nothing, just a French way of saying hi.”

I laughed till I choked. “Eeeeeyiii! Gyimitoooottto! French ebaaadzi?! French way of saying ‘hi’. Then how’ll they say ‘How are you?’ Nonsense, but how can you try to BS me? you know i’m too smart for that!”

His face was all kinds of silly. Read More How To Cheat On Your Wife.

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EVERYONE knows the famous “ask and you shall receive” verse. Eeeeverryyyyone and their grandmother. I’m one of those people who falters between not asking because how-can-you-make-something-like-that-happen and ask-anyway-because-theres-the-likelihood-you-wont-get-it-mpo.

Typically, I end up at ask-anyway. Because I’m all for shoot-your-shot and see where it lands.

My favourite (I know, I know, you’re not really supposed to have favourites, but stay with me) verse regarding prayer and whether or not it gets answered is when God asks Moses, “is my hand waxed short?” Every time I think about asking for something and I think it might be too big an ask, I try to remind myself of that.

How can it be too big, do you know who you’re asking? My friend, ask worhor. “ – is the running monologue I have with myself.

Read More This Kind Prayer

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I’m not that tall, but when I stand on my lyrics, you lie baadd! I can give you vibes aaah, you’ll have to tip toe to reach my shoulder. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard people say “Eiiii you thhiiissss bbooyy! I cant wait to see who you end up marrying!” So many people said it that I started getting really curious myself…and a little worried too; who was I going to end up marrying?

I’m told I have a sense of humour, and gorgeous women love men who can keep a smile on their faces. When a fine girl comes from money, is mature or has been bad long enough, she KNOWS, that it’s not all about the money. That’s where my kind get’s the upper hand. I will do you logoligi saaaah, you wont even check my tithe.

But even funny fine guys have issues. I have my issues. I can be critical, overly analytical, sometimes lazy, a little dramatic, a photographic memory, plus a tad too much ego. Unless it’s exceptionally stimulating, it’s hard for me to keep a sustained interest in one thing for too long, that’s why advertising is so cool, I get to work on many brands at the same time. I knew I was so some way that I wasn’t expecting to run into the woman I’d marry anytime soon. Read More How I Met My Wife

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Fam, it’s been a while, and don’t you think for a moment that I’ve forgotten about you. Thing is, when I blindly repeated after my pastor “This is my year of possessing my possessions! I shall claim all that is mine! Every inheritance of mine comes to me in Jesus name!”, I had no idea He’d take me so seriously so quickly. It’s only March but enough amazing stuff have happened to fill a year, top of which is…shhhh…wait for it. Top of which is….AAAIIIII GGGAAAATTTT MMAARRIIEEEEDDD!

I deeeeed, i deeeed fam. I got my gold in words dipped in some hot marital sauce.Yes yes, i know, you’re right, there were no pre wedding photos, there was next to no publicity but still I am better than Adele. The Mrs. is  amazing and you most likely know her. She was the wife in Mistress of My Life- The Krobosutra story, she inspired ‘The SEXIEST Thing About My Dream Wife’ and the all-time best post ever on this site; ‘Made By A Woman.’ plus several others. Read More Goldinwords Has A Mrs!

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ERM…I don’t love him. If my father died tomorrow, there’d be no attachment. My life wouldn’t be any different than it has been for the past few years. He hasn’t really done anything. He was a bad father and a terrible husband. I have cared for myself for the past two years. I pay the bills at home. I don’t love him. I have never told him I love him. feel pity for him really,” uttered my friend.

I have a group of male friends who, if I do say so myself, are amazing. They are not without their flaws, but they are some of the most talented, comforting, intellectual men I know. There’s a saying that goes “children don’t do as they are told, they imitate what they see.” Some of my male friends, after I have pried and forced them to talk about things like this, admitted that they didn’t have the best fathers. They had physical fathers, but not so much relationships with those men. Based on that and the saying, I began to ponder the kind of fathers my male friends would be to their future children.

I’ve wondered if somehow, based on the notion of children doing as they see and not as they are told, my friends would act like their fathers or were already doing that without knowing it. One of my closest friends comes from a dual-parent home and yet doesn’t really have a relationship with his father.
Read More The Forgotten Fathers

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Cheating…can you resist? Ask Kobby in the conclusion of this story right here (in case you’ve not read it yet). Enjoy!

 

6:00am, Valentine’s Day.

Kobby was in the shower, preparing for his day whilst Joy was finishing off with some light reading she’d picked up a week before.

She didn’t go snooping per se – no – but he’d left his phone screen-up on the bed as usual and she just happened to instinctively glance that way when it beeped a Whatsapp alert. She picked it up and was about to call out to him that he’d gotten a message from “Go Away” with a giggle when her finger unintentionally brushed against the sensor, unlocking it and displaying the racy selfie Charlene had just sent him in a smidgen of underwear!

Her heart skipped a beat as she choked on the giggle. The woman had captioned it, “How will I have you tonight, Naughty or Nice?” and that just drove her into palpitations! She felt her world closing in around her, as if the panic attacks of her bouts of childhood asthma were coming back all at once.

What was this?! As if she hadn’t paid her dues trudging all of the way down the Broken Road that had finally led her to Dr. Kobby Akorful, now this was what she was confronted with. Was he having an affair?! Her blood ran cold at that thought and she simultaneously felt a heavy hand squeeze her heart at the pain of the thought. Am I not enough for him? Was it anything I did? Can Kobby be this heartless and cruel?! These thoughts ran through her mind in a few seconds and it was all she could do to press down on the panic she was feeling just then so it wouldn’t consume her.  Read More Tempted to Touch II

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Living in Ghana, I think we learn about God firstly through a sensational experience before we learn about Him any other way. Maybe because your mother or father had someone pray over you and you were forced to feeeeel the Spirit before you even know who or what he was and why he was so intent on being felt by you.

You rarely get an explanation of who the Trinity is, what their purpose is, or who is who in said Trinity. You must believe because your father believes, and your father’s father, and their parents before them. And God forbid you be the one who doesn’t follow the path the ancestors have set. No questions can be asked, because how dare you question God?

Based on that experience, of relating to God viscerally before you can relate to him emotionally or mentally, I think, I think we tend to become slaves of that visceral feeeeling of God.

There’s nothing wrong with that though…right? How do you know God is there if people aren’t wailing and you not breaking out in goosebumps everywhere? And if that’s how to feel God, I don’t think I feel God anymore.

Read More I Don’t Feel God Anymore

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