This right here is one of my personal faves from 2013. Come for your data if you dont enjoy it!

Rebecca1

I spotted the most beautiful woman last Saturday. I’d gone for a wedding at the Trade fair in Labadi, and everyone was moving to the reception on the lush lawn close by. Then I saw her smiling as she posed for a picture. There was something striking about her. As cliché as it sounds I felt we’d met before, she looked too gorgeous for me to have forgotten a previous encounter, but I still couldn’t place her.

Half an hour later, after the bride had thrown her bouquet and one of “all the single ladies’ had caught it, I noticed that the seat beside her had become vacant. I’m past the stage where I dilly dally about talking to a captivating girl, missing the chance and bashing myself for weeks after. After all, I have an impressive complimentary card, I’m no ‘likkle buoy’.

“Hi,” I said sliding into the chair beside her “you have the kind of weekend glory that makes the bride seem like a regular weekday.”

“Sorry?” she asked, genuinely baffled

“Ummn” I stuttered “Sorry. I should stop that…ummn, no no, I meant I shouldn’t have said that. I’m terrible at pick-up lines, somehow I imagined that’ll make you smile.” My palms were sweaty and I puffed out air like I’d just jogged a mile. Read More Rebecca & I

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You’re something else, you know that? I had a one-episode story when I first wrote this and you drew 5 parts out of me, way to go!

So today, I present you the grand finale of this story I myself have fallen in love with. So much so that, I’ve made a voice recording of the first few paragraphs (you know I hardly do that) Even better, I’ve got an awesome surprise for you at the end of this post! Ok, enough of my brah brah brah…here’s where we left off last week;

On Saturdays, they usually gave each other space for the first half of the day; he’d play morning soccer with the boys, finish it off with squad waakye, return home to nap and work a little before meeting up with her around 4pm for an endless list of possibilities.

On this particular Saturday, whilst he was celebrating his winning goal with the softest wele, a whatsapp came through from Elsie and that’s when he noticed he’d missed two calls from her.

‘I need to dash off to London tonight. Let’s talk when you see this.”

                                                                                                     ***

London or Lapaz? Could it be autocorrect? Who wakes up and suddenly has to be in London? It must be some kind of a joke. Where from this? By the time he got to her house, she was nearly done packing.

“You weren’t kidding?”

“Why would I?”

“Why what’s up?”

“Something urgent, I’ll explain when I return.”

“You don’t expect me to just accept that do you?”

Read More The Steamy Church Romance; Finale +Voice Note!

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The honest plan was to finish this story in one post, but the way things are going, it would have meant keeping you waiting an extra week. Looking at how endangered this would make my life, I’m releasing this now. Here’s where we left off;

“Look. At. Those. Feet!” She said when they were done with him. She wasn’t exaggerating, even he had trouble recognising his feet. “How does it feel?”

“Like fresh air blowing over a santo head for the first time.” They laughed, along with the attendants.

He was about to pay when she stopped him. He insisted. “I let you drive, return the favor.” She complied. They were the last to leave. He couldn’t believe it; in his entire 29 years, he never imagined that his first date (if he could call it so) with someone he felt he could actually like would be at a nail parlour.

She felt peckish, so they stopped for ice-cream at Pinnochios. She chose for him. It was actually nice. She dropped him off at the office.

“Thanks Elsie, for my first ever pedicure. I’m beginning to worry my face now looks like the poor relative.”

She laughed. “You’re alright Yaw. You’re alright.” She revved the engine and drove off.

*     *     *

 “Hey, you coming in today?” Yaw whatsapped

“Yup, but might be a little late.”

“I could save a seat for you.”

“Cool. Thanks :-)”

He walked her to her car after service. He noticed Hans making faces, but swerved him. He wasn’t ready to have an office buddy make things awkward. She had her signature scent on; La Vie est Belle. It made him linger when they hugged. She plucked herself, smiling.

She thought of him as she drove home. The old Elsie would never have given Yaw a chance…but time changes, so do people. He was such a good boy. He looked like he could be a bad boy, had the fashion sense of a cool dude, but he was a pure breed. He didn’t play games. He wasn’t rushing into her skirt, but he wasn’t as lively and boisterous as she was used to, and yet these were the same reasons why she felt drawn to him.

“Confused girl!” she said to herself. Then a chill run through her heart. If they did stand a chance, then there’d come a time when they’d come clean and debrief each other on their pasts. She shuddered. Read More The Steamy Church Romance IV

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Been a while people. (Understatement of the Year, I know) I’ve had a number of projects on my plate and work and just about every stress out there so far with work and I’ve only been busy with extra-short pieces (translated: Facebook and WhatsApp statuses, lol) I can fire out in minutes, if not seconds. But today, I am back and will be in as regular a circulation as I can manage to be in around here once more! 😀

Hiatuses are meant to be broken – and what better way than with a short piece from yours truly? 😉 Have a read, let it percolate for a bit, then hit me up with your ideas on this. Let’s dialogue. #TeleTuesdays

**********

 

So…I was just replying to a status somewhere else on Facebook when this brainwave hit me. If you’re still reading this, hold onto something because I’m about to upset a number of people – may that not include you, I pray!

 

My dear sister, if you’re looking forward to getting married and your mentality has it as a search for someone who will treat you equally so you may enter into a 50/50 partnership and call it a marriage, please STAHP IT right now! Read More Mrs. 50/50

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Hi Fam, we’re on track! Here’s where we left off last week;

“Ei thiiissss guy.” Hans said, snapping him from his trance. “So this be why you come church eh.”

“Oh commot for there. You not hear that verse before? Seek ye first.”

“Yoo, you dey there den  dey tell me ‘Seek ye first.’ E be Elsie you go seek first?”

“Why you know am?”

“Me I not go talk anything o.”

“Eeenh, make you not talk, what?” With that, he changed the subject, they talked about other things, and parted ways.

Yaw saved the number, full of hope and excitement. The future was pregnant with possibilities.

“Sorry God” he apologised once more “For saying ‘shit”   

***

III

“Hi, Elsie?”

“Yes?”

“How’re you?”

“Who’s asking?”

“Yaw…you gave me your-“

“oh yes, I remember. Hi Yaw, how’re you?”

“Honestly?

(giggles) “Yes, honestly.”

“Nervous”

“Www..why?”

“Be-be-because…because I’ve done something incredibly risky.”

(sighs in deep interest, mutes the TV) “Risky?”

“Yes”

“Tell me”

“I’ve let myself like you to much too soon when this could go all kinds of ways and…and…and I’m aware that telling you this could make things very awkward and possibly end this conversation prematurely.”

(long pause) “so…why did you choose to tell me?”

“I was suffocating”

giggles

“I’m the kind of guy that, well, I don’t know how to mince words. I don’t face my fears because I’m brave; the dread of being haunted is worse.

(almost whispering) I’m a fear?”

“Yes. No, not like that (sighs) I feel better now.”

“What, you’re over me already?”

“No, not that. It’s the burden of needing you to know. It’s lifted now.”

(pauses. for long) “What’re you doing now?”

“Fooling myself.”

(amidst a laugh) “How?”

“I’m in the office, trying to work, knowing full well I’m too distracted to.”

“Myyyyyy Mr, Yaw fear seems to bring out the best in you.”

he laughs

“But work on a Saturday night, that’s pathetic”

“I know”

“Where’s your office?”

“Labone”

“I see. I’m heading out, to do my nails in Osu. WhatsApp me your location, I might pass by.” Read More The Steamy Church Romance III

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When I started, I had no intention of writing a part 2. And now there’s a part 3 coming up next week! See how you get me weak in the knees? lol. Here’s where we left off;

She laughed “Sorry, I don’t give my numbers out like that.” With that she slid into the front seat of the car. Her friend did same and started the engine. Yaw didn’t see it coming. Something about his disorientation made her feel bad. She rolled her window down halfway “But maybe after the third time I see you in church, I might reconsider.” She smiled as they drove off.

He watched their taillight disappear into the darkness, smiling like a piglet. He started thinking to himself what department in the church to join.

***

II

She was on his mind all throughout the week. She stained his mind. He tried to find her on Facebook. 12 hours went into that search, literally! but her face didn’t show. The more unfindable she was, the more he craved to find her. She didn’t come to church on Sunday, but that wasn’t a shocker; most people came for the Friday night prayer service then went to their own churches on Sundays.

On Friday, he felt what David meant when he said “I was glad when they said unto me…” He was distracted the whole service, turning in the direction of every motion, hoping it was her coming in. She didn’t show. He felt frustrated; he’d been present but absent from the service and missed out on being edified. The person who could have made it all worth it too didn’t show. Bummer! Next Friday was the same. He started to think maybe she was some boga who’d returned to Alabama. Read More The Steamy Church Romance II

Blog Religion short story

How many women do you know with numerous pinterest boards or folders of pictures on their phone of the decor they want at their wedding? They know what shoes they’ll be wearing, and which ones their husband-to-be will be wearing to match that. They have options A, B, C anddd D for venues, because being prepared is always necessary. Or men who want to ride in a fancy car and have all twenty-seven of their guys be groomsmen in their matching suits.

The wedding party’s entrance is fleeky. Everybody has their own song. There’s even a choreography for entertainment in the middle of the night. And of course, no party is complete without the best DJ in town, and food that everyone is talking about months later. So every time someone says the word jollof now, we must all remember that amaaaazing jollof that you had at your wedding.

Everything is in place for the wedding to be lit, as they say. Assumedly, so is their marriage.

Read More The Race to the Wedding

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She was the first person he noticed when he entered the auditorium. There was nothing remarkable about the tight blue jeans or navy green top she was in, but there was everything about the body it clad.

Such perfect proportions, such sufficiency, such equilibrium! What a temple! She was fair, but not the induced kind; he’d learnt to spot cream-induced fairness by spotting darker knuckles and inconsistent ‘fairness pantones’. This one was legit. The neckline of her top was a little loose so he could notice a few petals of the rose tattooed at her back. No colours, just black contours. It was a beautiful tattoo.

The usher directed him to a seat four rows behind her. She shared his attention with the pulpit. The worship songs were moving her. She was in the spirit. When she jumped, she wobbled, and he swallowed, then looked up to heaven. Forgive. Read More The Steamy Church Romance.

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So I’ve been married, what? like two months and I’ve cracked it! I figured out best practices on how to cheat on your Mrs. It’s not rocket science really, and if this doesn’t work, I’m offering a money-back guarantee! See, these days, a wedding ring turns more women on than ripped abs and fake slangs. Just flash that ring and they be like “Oooohh mmyyy, that Mrs. sure is lucky! My goodness. Have you been treating her right? do you make her happy? are you sure? (giggles) really? You wanna show me?”

Last week, my married cousin passed by my office with Naa, our mutual friend. Sam’s a nice guy. Nice, respectable guy. leads Bible study in church but is not an uptight Christian. He has the blackest lips! When we were talking, I couldn’t help but notice the purple smudge on his lip. Naa had gone to use the washroom so it was just us talking. The more we spoke, the harder it became to ignore the smudge on his lip. Naa’s lipstick was purple. Very quickly, my mind connected the dots! So I asked “Wait a minute, Sam, there is lipstick on your lips. How did lipstick get on your lips!?”

His heart missed a beat, but it didn’t show in his calm countenance. He just wiped hard and said dismissively “Oh it’s nothing, just a French way of saying hi.”

I laughed till I choked. “Eeeeeyiii! Gyimitoooottto! French ebaaadzi?! French way of saying ‘hi’. Then how’ll they say ‘How are you?’ Nonsense, but how can you try to BS me? you know i’m too smart for that!”

His face was all kinds of silly. Read More How To Cheat On Your Wife.

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EVERYONE knows the famous “ask and you shall receive” verse. Eeeeverryyyyone and their grandmother. I’m one of those people who falters between not asking because how-can-you-make-something-like-that-happen and ask-anyway-because-theres-the-likelihood-you-wont-get-it-mpo.

Typically, I end up at ask-anyway. Because I’m all for shoot-your-shot and see where it lands.

My favourite (I know, I know, you’re not really supposed to have favourites, but stay with me) verse regarding prayer and whether or not it gets answered is when God asks Moses, “is my hand waxed short?” Every time I think about asking for something and I think it might be too big an ask, I try to remind myself of that.

How can it be too big, do you know who you’re asking? My friend, ask worhor. “ – is the running monologue I have with myself.

Read More This Kind Prayer

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