Hello, people! This week’s continuation of the Heartbreak Series is a long one, but I assure you it’s the best so far! 

So Chris went through one rough heartbreak and was in the doldrums until he went for a wedding, and met an exceptional young woman – Eduwa. Today, you’ll be reading her own story as we build up this piece to its unexpected climax… It’s a long one, so make sure you’ve gotten a comfortable seat and drink at least first – you’ll love this one!

 

If nothing at all, Chris was cautious at this sudden new interest he seemed to have developed in Eduwa, but first of all, it was taking all of his effort to avoid focusing on the elephant in the room – that wheelchair. What was up with that?

He’d been thinking of her and what her story was right from the moment he’d sat in the taxi that drove him home a week ago. It was, however, obviously not the best of topics to be running through his mind as he sat outside her office at Akorful, Gyemibi and Associates before his first interview of the day.

heart3-interviewApparently, there was a series of 3 interview appointments set up for shortlisted associates in one day here, but the twist was that failing to make it through one automatically disqualified you from the subsequent interview. He’d already counted 5 young lawyers step in in the past hour, and he was still amongst the 8 remaining…all 5 had exited with grim looks on their faces that didn’t need a psychic to interpret as failure.

Ei this woman too, her head tron like so? He mentally mused as he adjusted his tie once more. She couldn’t be so bad after all…could she? At this point now, the last thing on his mind was her backstory.

“Mr. Christopher Asumeng? The Administrator will see you now.” Read More The Pathology of a Heartbreak

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Hey people! Remember this guy: Chris? Well, he finally got back to me so here’s what happened with him after that devastating experience…Enjoy!

 

Narrating the story to me, Chris would have liked to say that he walked away happy and relieved that he had dodged a bullet; that he had the best time the next day and each day subsequently was better than the preceding one…the truth was vastly different.

Walking into his self-contained tiny flat that night and swinging the door shut, it all came crashing back in full force and he sank to his knees, tears streaming freely down his face. The thumping within his chest intensified and with each beat he felt pain.

All this time, and of all days…

heart2-wrpHis eyes fell on the wrapped painting he’d gotten a professional artist to make of the two of them. The plan had been to have it delivered to her flat the next morning by courier as an early morning surprise. Now it just seemed like the first of many dry bits of ash in his mouth.

The air actually felt thinner for a second and though the tie around his neck was already loose he ripped it off as he gasped for air – panic attack! He’d heard about this from a friend before who seemed to suffer them every morning before a major exam and he’d laughed it off “Kwesi paa, small exam wey you dey fear so?”

Mercifully, he never realized when sleep took him as he lay on the shaggy carpet. And that was the last night he slept for over an hour at a time for the next 3 weeks… Read More The Physiology of a Heartbreak

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No, no, no. This couldn’t be happening again. Joy banged her hand on the steering wheel in frustration. “What is this?!”

She stared at the phone in her hand – Monique was now calling 5 minutes after sending her the picture without any response from her. She let the phone ring as she was carried away by a rush of emotions.

Who was this woman? What was this picture truly about? Was Yao really married? Like seriously?! For all this while?!

The questions were too many for her head to process on its own. *Ping* She received another message from Monique – Where are you, Joy? I’m calling you but you’re not answering, R u ok???

joy3-greetShe knew Monique meant well, but just then she didn’t think she could talk to anyone just yet. Wait – she cast a glance at the man sipping from a teacup at the terrace – there was one  person who she could speak to,

She stepped out of the car, her trembling hands finally settling as she closed the door before walking purposefully towards the restaurant.

Gino, the head greeter, smiled at her in the foyer, but she barely acknowledged him with a small wave of her right hand as she stalked toward the terrace.

“Oh hi there beautiful.” Yao was getting up to greet her with that smile that would turn her knees to jelly on any fair day…obviously not today. His smile faltered when he noticed the look on her face.

“What’s wrong, Joy? What’s with that look on your face?” Read More The Joys of an Intimidating Woman III

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Joy was bored out of her mind at the stakeholders meeting of the Scion Corporation that Thursday afternoon. The Internal Auditor was droning on in his less-than-stellar English for close to an hour now and so her mind drifted involuntarily towards the bee that had been buzzing around in her bonnet for a while now.

 

The events of the date with Kojo 3 weeks ago should have been the last things on her mind by then, to tell the truth. She’d been royally pissed for over a week and even till now, the memory could still drive her silently steaming mad in a minute or less. The sort of male animal that would instinctively oppose any woman who appeared to have more than a cursory opinion on matters that ran contrary to his own was downright despicable to her, but one who would immediately assume she would welcome any unsolicited advances and therefore take certain liberties was the absolute worst in her opinion.

 

Where was that bigot Julius or the two-faced Kojo when she had to endure cold winters slaving away at a fast-food joint before moving to the Walmart afterwards, and then temping on alternate weekends when her Ghanaian scholarship was abruptly terminated?! It turned out that a certain Hon. Somebody at the Ministry of ****** decided to halt payments in favour of channelling funds into an election campaign. Thank God they lost, she thought to herself with a satisfying spike of spite that briefly made her smile.

Read More The Joys of an Intimidating Woman II

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Joy stormed out of the café, rummaging through the bottom of her Givenchy handbag for her car keys. She couldn’t wait to get out of that obnoxious man’s presence. She fumbled with the key fob as she slid into the driver’s seat, engaging the engine before peeling away into traffic in her BMW i8. joy-bm7

Since returning to Ghana after 6 years and a foreign education abroad, she’d finally caved to pressure from friends and family and decided to follow up on the numerous invites out by this one’s friend or that one’s cousin they were ‘sure to make a beautiful match’.

 

Rewind Date #1 – Julius. Venue: Ci Gusta. Agenda: Late Lunch. Friday at 3:30pm.

The first thing that wouldn’t have been a ‘thing’ if the rest of the date had gone well at least was her waiting for him for close to 45 mins before he showed up with barely any reason for his tardiness.

“Sorry o, Madam Accountant,” was all he could say before taking the lead to order from the menu he’d snapped his fingers for immediately he entered the eatery. Read More The Joys of an Intimidating Woman I

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freshly baked Christmas fruit cake

When I was quite a bit younger, my mom used to bake cakes every Christmas. If I were to look back to some of the best parts of my youth so far, the fresh smell of baked cake in the morning would definitely feature prominently. And as you can imagine, the anticipation of said delicacies could drive us into one heck of a tizzy.

What I remember about those times, however, was not so much the joy of biting into freshly baked cake as the stomachaches I’d get whenever my impatient self would eat a little too much cake batter before the cake was even baked.

You see, it wasn’t just the cake that smelled heavenly when fresh – the divine scent of vanilla essence in the cake batter was to me what I’m sure ‘hunny‘ was to Pooh the Bear! My mom had to keep one eye out, at times buttressed by some nuclear level threats, in order to ensure that some batter was even left for baking. Read More Hang In There – Just a Little Longer…

Inspiration

Memories…

flash - neverendingThere’s this old movie – The Neverending Story – that they used to show on GTV somewhere in the ’90s on Sunday afternoons. In the Sequel, a boy enters this fantasy world and acquires a medallion that grants various wishes. The twist, however, is that the baddie makes it such that with every wish, he forgoes a personal memory. It reaches a point somewhere down the line where he has just 2 left – of his mother and father – and then, in order to save the life of someone he gives up the memory of his mother with another wish.

That movie made me realise for the first time the immense importance of memories to us as people – they form our beings just as surely as every morsel of food we take in daily.

But this brings me to a conundrum: as we advance, humanity finds better and better ways of safeguarding this memory. Disposable cameras gave way to Polaroids, then digital cameras have progressively been giving way to the latest flagship smartphone in our quest to preserve the moments.

Technology steps in to save us, but at a cost which I’m guilty of also. Flipping through the 35+ Gb archive of pictures on my laptop accrued over the last decade or so, I realised the biggest mistake we’ve been routinely making. Read More Smile at the Camera *Flash*!

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Dear Love,

I hope this letter finds you like I intend it to – Quite by Surprise! I don’t know if you’ve seen any of the other letters I’ve hidden all over the house and in my old things but if you haven’t yet, I can assure you that you’re in for a Treat!

You see, I periodically write these letters because it gives me the ability to ‘cheat’ on time by allowing me to make use of your excellent company years before we end up together finally and I can count myself blessed to have you close by every single day.

It gets rough sometimes, I must admit, when there’re so many things on my mind and heart that I’d love to share with someone who’s as close to me as you are now, reading this letter. Unfortunately, in my present state of unwed solitary bachelorhood, that, I can’t do because not everyone needs to know what’s in your mind – a majority of them can’t handle it and others would most likely use the information to manipulate you. This letter, however, is my innovative solution to that conundrum. 🙂

The thought of writing this particular letter actually occurred to me last night when I was having  a discussion with one of your Akumaas about the nature of Love and how it should be versus how it, unfortunately, becomes sometimes. An old soul taking temporary shelter in a young body as I am, I’m sure it wouldn’t surprise you to find out that the phrase that got me a-thinking was one from older Highlife and Hiplife songs, “Medeɛ ne wo ara”“. Read More Letter To My Dear True Wife III…

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I saw a Facebook post days ago that has me giggling till date. It was quoting some Nigerian who said something like “I find that statement; ‘there’s light at the end of the tunnel’ so disrespectful. I mean where I come from there is no light in my home, how much more anywhere near a tunnel? I mean if you want to symbolize hope in a phrase, tell me something like ‘there’s jollof at the end of the speech’ then eheeh, I can understand what you mean.’

I identify with that myself, but the conversation about things at the end of things is very interesting to me…just as interesting is the story about the man David feared and what was at the end of his tunnel.

Now David needs no introduction, I mean even before he got giant warriors Rolling On The Floor (not from laughter), he’d disciplined wild beasts. My favorite David feat though is how in exchange for Saul’s daughter’s hand in marriage he managed to return with the foreskins of 200 philistine soldiers. Pause. Can you imagine the amount of work that goes into getting that many foreskins from unwilling warriors? I don’t think any wanzam has achieved a fraction of that yet. Read More The Man David Feared Gidigidi!

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Good evening people. I have a serious topic I’d like to talk about today.

There’s a silent menace most people aren’t aware of that’s going around causing mischief without the people mainly affected even realizing there’s something gravely wrong. Let me illustrate this even further.

dhmo - shelfThere’s this bit of information floating around through the ether we call the Internet I’m pretty sure most of you are not aware of. There is a growing awareness concerning a substance known as Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO) which apparently has been present in increasingly more varied ways within our environment with frankly quite alarming qualities!

Let’s talk some science for a bit as it gets a bit technical here – Now its basis is the highly reactive hydroxyl radical, a species shown to mutate DNA, denature proteins, disrupt cell membranes, and chemically alter critical neurotransmitters. Its atomic components have been found in a number of caustic, explosive and poisonous compounds such as Sulfuric Acid, Nitroglycerine, and Ethyl Alcohol! Read More Public Service Announcement: It’s in the Water!

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