Well there’s this dude in the Old Testament who makes any gargantuan crime of any politician seem like child’s play. What baffles me is that at a time when God was extremely active in king making, this king managed to remain in power for 22 years! I’m also curious about his wife, a woman who scared the legendary prophet Elijah out of his socks animal-skin flip-flops, a woman who is even used in modern day to describe evil, ruthless women who stop at nothing to get what they want; Jezebel.
So I called King Ahab up, and I was like “Yo, what’re my chances of getting an exclusive with you?” I was surprised when he acquiesced, but I guess there’s something about the afterlife that humbles even the proudest of us. When he showed up, he had such an air of humility about him, but alas, it’s appointed unto man to die once, and afterwards face judgment.
After offering him a much-appreciated sachet of special ice pure water (lol), I dug right in.
Me: Ahab, can I call you that, without the ‘King’? Kinda makes it long
K.A: Well, I guess. Much worse has befallen me since I died.
Me: Really? Like what? Okay, you know what, let’s start from scratch; tell me about your family.
He sighed, heavily.
K.A: Well, it’s no secret; my dad wasn’t the perfect role model.
Me: I don’t mean to be cold, but you say it like he was close to being perfect when in fact Omri sinned against the Lord more than any of his predecessors right?
K.A: Yes, but he moved the capital of the Northern Kingdom of Israel from Tirzah to Samaria. The military and strategic implications of that move were profound. We were more strategically located than all the major cities in all directions, so you see he wasn’t all evil. Besides, how can I judge him when I turned out worse?
Me: I was coming to that. Ahab, you were the oldest of three boys. You knew your dad and were old enough to see his mistakes and its consequences. Why on earth did you repeat them, and on a greater scale? I mean the Bible at some point even states “There was no one else who had devoted himself so completely to doing wrong in the Lord’s sight as Ahab.” Chaa, yawa o.
K.A: I want it to go on record, that I’m not being a coward or a snitch by saying this behind her back, but Jezebel was the reason for it. Read More Me & The Most Notorious Old Testament King.