Last week, on a drive home, I told a funny story that was supposed to make the three friends riding with me laugh. The whole story took about ten minutes to tell. I was as artistic, creative and comic as I could manage. When the opportunity lent itself, I exaggerated a bit, all in a bid to make sure they laughed in the end, because there was no way I was going to invest that much time and energy into being funny and accept dullness or indifference in response.

O, so I gbaa the story saaah to the very end then Yvonne goes “Ben, you know this’ like the third time you’re telling this story right?”  This silly look embraced my face like a mushy mother, then they erupted into epic laughter. The consolation was that they did laugh eventually. So anyways, now before any story, I like to give a disclaimer “I’m not sure if I’ve told you this already, or if you’ve heard it somewhere…”

So well, I’m not sure if I’ve told you this already, or if you’ve heard it somewhere, but once upon a time, Read More 2 Frogs & A Milky Situation.

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pretty girlHi pretty girl,

I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but it’s harder for you to find true love, than it is for a plain Jane. You are so hot that most of your romantic prospects pursue you for the wrong reasons. The symmetrical evenness of your bosom, along with the delicate curvature of your figure, topped by the sheer aesthetic genius of your face makes reasoning an impossible feat around you.

Jerry, Nana Kwame and all those other guys professing undiluted, undying love aren’t fooling you o, they’re acting under the duress of your gorgeousness. Sadly, it’s not a permanent state; they will awake at a point, and then reveal their true colors, then you’ll feel used.

It’s not your fault, your looks compete with your virtues, and when the lingering effect of your beauty has waned, the erstwhile cool dude changes, wondering what it was he saw in you in the first place.

Your beauty does so much for you. You don’t stress to get lifts, in fact, any time you step out there’re a range of flashy cars to choose from. It guarantees you flashy gadgets, clothes and favors plain Janes wont get even if they extended their eyelashes to touch the top of their heads. Gye se w’anka, whatever material thing you could need is just a flash away. So why are you so lonely? Is it true that there are more beautiful women with low self-esteem than there are Chinese phones for sale at Circle? Read More To Beautiful Women…

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boy manual 2Your boy could be with you either because you’re generous with your body, he’s too lazy to start a new relationship after half a decade of being with you, he was there when your single father died tragically, so leaving you’ll be heartless. Or because he loves you dearly and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. It is possible to work your way up to the latter.

For starters, build memories. Build beautiful memories that’ll permanently etch you in his mind, even if he wills it not to. Do silly outlandish things once in a while. In F.R.I.E.N.D.S, Monica shows up in Chandler’s apartment wearing a thanksgiving turkey on her head and dancing to an Indian song. Find out what makes him laugh and do something to induce it. If you can, do several things to induce it, because there are times when a laughter-inducing memory becomes a rare gem. With me, I love accents, so when we do role plays and I’m the Ashanti bogger introducing you as my Chinese wife to my conservative family, and you do that funny forced-Chinese accent, you could crack me up big time. It shouldn’t be as often as the day comes though, that ruins it.

Few guys wear their hearts on their sleeves, but some things really touch us. Right now, I’ll tell you one thing that’ll touch even a brick-hearted guy to the core. Read More From Us Guys, To Our Girlfriends 🙁

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boy manualThe guy you’re with is human. How complicated aaaaahh can he be? Keeping him is really about knowing how and when to play your cards, and that brings me to my first apor (tip); the card stash.

From the day you agree to be his girl, or he agrees to be yours (depending on which side of the world you’re reading from) both of you receive an invisible deck of cards. They’re like ‘get out of jail free’ cards, and they’re limited, so I wonder why you misuse yours so. Depending on the guy you’re with, and how crazy he was about you when you started out, you might have received a hundred or a dozen, either ways wise usage is key.

If you keep going ooon and oooonnn about something he’s already apologized for, you’ve used one, and established yourself as a nagger. If you see a suggestive text on his phone and go berserk, throw tantrums and verbally abuse him, only to find out that it was actually from his sister –who wanted advice before sending it to her boy- you’ve used five.

It surprises me when you think that just because I say I’ve forgiven you, it means I’m incapable of recollecting that one time when you disrespected me in front of my friends, given that you just repeated it. Yes baby, I forgave you, but you didn’t get your seven cards back, they’re used up! Read More Your Boyfriend’s User Manual.

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girl snatchCharle brodas why? A hardworking guy has tried aaahhh and landed the girl of his dreams, why have you made it your life’s mission to repossess her? Guys of today are too shameless, knowing no boundaries. It’s all a game, nothing personal. There’s no regard for another dawg’s turf. The hotter your girl is, the deader you are.

Speaking to girlfriend snatchers seems like a lost cause to me. Their conscience is further gone than a car tire rolling down a steep hill. I’d like to speak to guys with hot girls,  the legitimate custodians of beautiful women. I have plenty of experience in that area. Read More Dealing with Girlfriend Snatchers! #yawa boys

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Last week Thursday I sat in a troskie on my way to work –cos my chopper was giving me problems. True talk. It was a 45 mins ride. The plan was to take advantage of the traffic situation by reading as many pages of Jeffrey Archer’s ‘The eleventh Commandment’ as possible before I got to work, and I just might have done that, but for these two guys in the seat ahead of mine.

For the first twenty or so minutes of the ride, I was aware that there were two people having a conversation, but I didn’t so much as shift my glance to see who they were till one of them uttered a line that ranks no. 2 on my list of forbidden sentences. In twi, guy one says to guy 2 “…If we all became professors, who’ll sweep our streets and polish our shoes for us?” reflexively I blurted “If we all became professors, we’ll be quick to invent robots who’ll more efficiently take care of our streets and shoes!!!” Well, truth is, I didn’t say that out loud, I was screaming it in my thoughts though.

From then on, I followed a conversation about how it was alright to be how they were, and how satisfied they were to play their part in the Global Division of Labor (by natural selection) Initiative (G.D.L.I). I thought how pathetic that was; that in order to save ourselves the stress of expecting more of ourselves and risk all the disappointments that might come with it, we settle for what’s just good enough and construct powerful arguments to explain why that’s the wisest thing to do. Read More A Cheap Excuse To Be Mediocre.

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Dear God,

love letterIf I was Hezekiah and you sent your prophet to tell me that I should put my house in order because I was about to die, what’ll I tell you? What’ll I ask you to remember so much so that you’ll feel obliged to give me 15 more years, even 1 year sef? Is it the 20 pesewas I give to those poor Sudan kids from time to time? Or the ‘noodles-like’ quiet times I have with you? Is it my gentlemanly, controlled dances at church? I couldn’t even come up with one major reason to confront you and demand an extra year!

When in heaven someday all my other brothers and sisters in you are showing off with basketfuls of evidence of good works done by being faithful and obedient to you, what’ll I show? The one or two things in my hand? I’ll be shy mpo. So please help me leave no stone unturned. May the only reason why I was unable to climb any mountain or overcome any hurdle in my life be because you willed me not to.

May I come to terms with the fact that by Read More The Most Beautiful Letter I Ever Wrote!

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childish loveA boy was playing with a girl one day. She had ten pebbles and he had ten candies. They thought it’ll be swell to make an exchange. Gimme your candies, and I’ll give you my pebbles.
The girl reached into her pocket and handed over to him all ten of her pebbles. He however, took out just 4 and gave that out. That night, the guy couldn’t sleep, he was haunted by the thought that maybe, the girl hadn’t given him all of her pebbles.

“She musta stashed some.” He thought. “If i did that, then surely she also could.”
All that time he was wondering if he had been played, she Read More Adult Love, Childish games.

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Originally posted 12th Jan 2010. Response: Incredible!

after-sex thoughtsUsually what you see right after the hot steamy passionate sex scene in most movies is the woman covered only in a bed sheet, reminiscing the just-ended glorious coitus in dreamland and thinking how fantastic the rest of their lives together’s gonna be with her prince charming by her side against the whole world… and the guy is usually in nothing but boxers; either sitting at the edge of the bed or looking through the window with his hand holding up his chin with this look on his face as if searching for the answer to the question his stone-cold silence is screaming above the movie’s

background music; “How on earth did I end up in this stinking mess???!!””

The answer to that question is in a rather explicit but deeply profound statement I heard some time back, and if you aren’t at least 18 yrs old, PLEASE STOP READING RIGHT HERE!!! Well, thus saith the statement; “an erected penis hath no conscience” and I concur, otherwise right BEFORE he defiled her, the 60 something year old father would THINK of the grave consequences of an uncontrolled libido on his liberty, and the future of his 12 and1/2 year old girl.

Did you hear the explanation the 49 year old the man who defiled his teenage daughter gave to the judge just last month? “Your Honor, I forgot my 46 year old wife had gone for a funeral  over the weekend  and thought  it was actually my wife i was in bed with.” No kidding this actually happened, I read it on myjoyonline.

But let’s not get carried away, this piece isn’t about retarded perverts or erotic movies (my pastor could be reading this you know, lol), it’s about the ‘sex scenes’ in each of our lives, and how we just only conveniently realize how inappropriate the ‘deed’ is only after we ‘climax’. Read More After-Sex Thoughts.

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sad groom

Originally posted 7/16/2010
Unlike most people, my favorite part of a wedding isn’t when the groom locks his lips with the bride’s –by their wedding day, that’s standard greeting– My favorite part is when the organist starts playing the infamous ‘taantantanaa, taantantanaaaa…” to usher the bride in. The groom standing at the altar turns –along with everyone at the wedding- to catch a glimpse of the gorgeous bride as she stealthily picks her steps and glides down the red carpet like she was in slow-motion roller skates.

I don’t join in the chorus; there’ll be more time to feast my eyes on the ravishing bride later. Instead, I shift my focus to the groom. That instant when he sees his to-be life partner walking down the aisle to seal a life-long commitment being witnessed by dearest friends and close family, what does his face say? Lost in the emotions and realities he finds himself in, his face at that instant is incapable of lying. In that instant when everyone’s watching the bride march in, his face speaks freely.

Usually –which is the ideal situation- he’s in content disbelief, humming to the infamous twi Gospel song; Nti mi paa me nie, na w’ay3 me sei eee…(so is this really me God, that you’ve been soo good to?). He might even have teary eyes; tears of joy. Dreading in his heart that part of the ceremony where the priest asks Read More A Groom’s Biggest Mistake- will you commit it too?

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