Joy was bored out of her mind at the stakeholders meeting of the Scion Corporation that Thursday afternoon. The Internal Auditor was droning on in his less-than-stellar English for close to an hour now and so her mind drifted involuntarily towards the bee that had been buzzing around in her bonnet for a while now.

 

The events of the date with Kojo 3 weeks ago should have been the last things on her mind by then, to tell the truth. She’d been royally pissed for over a week and even till now, the memory could still drive her silently steaming mad in a minute or less. The sort of male animal that would instinctively oppose any woman who appeared to have more than a cursory opinion on matters that ran contrary to his own was downright despicable to her, but one who would immediately assume she would welcome any unsolicited advances and therefore take certain liberties was the absolute worst in her opinion.

 

Where was that bigot Julius or the two-faced Kojo when she had to endure cold winters slaving away at a fast-food joint before moving to the Walmart afterwards, and then temping on alternate weekends when her Ghanaian scholarship was abruptly terminated?! It turned out that a certain Hon. Somebody at the Ministry of ****** decided to halt payments in favour of channelling funds into an election campaign. Thank God they lost, she thought to herself with a satisfying spike of spite that briefly made her smile.

Read More The Joys of an Intimidating Woman II

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I have the unfortunate pleasure of being in that prime age range where a lot of people expect you to be married or well on your way to being married. Ergo, a lot of conversations with people significantly older than me centre on the topic of marriage. I think this is in a bid to give me unnecessary pressure, but I refuse to collect it.

Regardless of this, talking about marriage a lot more lately, I get the opportunity to have interesting conversations about it and what it’s like. Considering that I intend to be married some day, I figure why not ask these people about it. I enjoy finding out what gems each of them have to drop on marriage. Majority of the people who ask me about it are already married and a few are divorced, so regardless of whether it was a failed or successful marriage, I like to engage them in a conversation about what they have learned. It’s always a fun way to flip the conversation.

I haven’t gotten as many “gems” as I had hoped when I decided to start flipping the conversation, but I do have an excerpt from a lady I heard speaking at a conference a few months ago. She wasn’t even speaking directly to me. I believe someone had asked her about her marriage and in her answer she said something that has kind of stuck with me since:

Read More The Ring Doesn’t Absolve You Of…

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It’s not easy to lose weight oo, herrhh! With all the domedo, icecream and oreo milk shake joints in the system, it takes special grace. Me, I’ve been trying hard waa to return to the stone-cut model figure I had just a few months, but alas, the six-pack keeps doing hide and seek with me, trying to get me to dig deeper. Literally.

Two of the things I’m doing trying to do often are morning jogs and no late eating. My broda, eeeezzzz nnoooottt eeaaassy! There’s also ‘Tieswag’, this brilliant side business I started last year with the intent to sell high quality, super fashionable designer neckties at affordable prices. I haven’t been able to give Tieswag the attention it needs since I started my current more-demanding job in Jan. I keep making moves to revive it, but eezz noootttt eeaassyy.

There are other things I’ve been trying to do as well that aren’t easy, like being a better Christian; one that’s more yielding, available and obedient to God, but eezz noootttt eeaassyy!!

I run with music in my ears, this morning, the song that was playing was ‘Forever’ by Kari Jobe. It had this part that says

“The ground began to shake, the stone was rolled away,

Now death, where is your sting?

My resurrected king has left you defeated

His perfect love could not be overcome.”

The tune is soo lit! Read More My Fight Against Domedo And Oreo Milkshake.

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Joy stormed out of the café, rummaging through the bottom of her Givenchy handbag for her car keys. She couldn’t wait to get out of that obnoxious man’s presence. She fumbled with the key fob as she slid into the driver’s seat, engaging the engine before peeling away into traffic in her BMW i8. joy-bm7

Since returning to Ghana after 6 years and a foreign education abroad, she’d finally caved to pressure from friends and family and decided to follow up on the numerous invites out by this one’s friend or that one’s cousin they were ‘sure to make a beautiful match’.

 

Rewind Date #1 – Julius. Venue: Ci Gusta. Agenda: Late Lunch. Friday at 3:30pm.

The first thing that wouldn’t have been a ‘thing’ if the rest of the date had gone well at least was her waiting for him for close to 45 mins before he showed up with barely any reason for his tardiness.

“Sorry o, Madam Accountant,” was all he could say before taking the lead to order from the menu he’d snapped his fingers for immediately he entered the eatery. Read More The Joys of an Intimidating Woman I

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How old are you? Wow! Looketyeewww. Time flies so quickly doesn’t it? Wasn’t it like a week ago you were in SHS? Now there are so many year groups behind you it’s like their mere existence is just to spite and get you moping about how quickly old age is creeping in. It’s such a relief that Facebook only notifies people about your birthday but doesn’t tell them exactly how old you are isn’t it? Lol, I feel you on that.

But at the same time it’s hard to think of how far you’ve come without pausing to thank God right? See your tithe right now, that was your salary some months back, mi boa? You don’t need to think hard to remember a few time’s God has made you weak in the knees, right? And then you also remember how little you’ve done to show your gratitude and then you feel bad. Your mind replays your shortfalls or insufficient efforts in demonstrating your love for this great God and you feel bad.

It’s not easy though is it? I mean, see how busy you are, see how the jobs keep lining up, where’s the time to foreplay him with 30 mins worship before warming up into chandaskabolose mandakristo? Plus you wake up one day and it just occurs to that ‘Oh Goodness, the beautiful ones have been born!” But have they? Have they been born…or made up and ‘mascarad’? Lol, dont let me go there po. Read More Cheap Martyrs!

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YOU’RE just chilling when you see a person driving down the street in a sleek luxury car, you hear they’re living in their Trassaco villa this weekend, and they are always sporting the trendiest designer clothes and shoes. Undoubtedly, you want to know who they are and what they did to acquire such wealth. “Oh, she’s a businesswoman,” and that is enough of an explanation for the show of wealth, usually.

This isn’t the case when it comes to men and women of God. Can you imagine seeing all of that and someone saying “oh, he’s a pastor of so-and-so church” as the explanation for the wealth? That wouldn’t go down so well. There will be a plethora of follow-up questions about what it is the church does and doesn’t do and why and how this head pastor is chopping all the money.

For some reason, we attribute being a pastor to living an austere life. Because if your lifestyle isn’t austere, you can’t possibly be true to the word of God. However, if there’s going to be prayer for financial prosperity there’ll be a hoard of people ready to receive God’s blessings. Only the congregation should benefit from financial prosperity, the leaders must remain eternally “humble”.

Read More Pastors Can’t Be Rich

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A week or so ago, Ewuraesi wrote about The Glorified Side-chick. Well me, I don’t mind being a side boo at all, and by the time I’m done, you’ll wish to be one too. Truth is, exclusivity is overrated. “I wanna be the first person she thinks of when she wakes and the last voice she hears before she sleeps.” Dude, please.

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See what I mean? lol

And if you haven’t dated a hot girl or a woman you’re crazy about, you po dier you’re not amang of this conversation. Because the thing naah, you don’t even like her, so if another guy comes into the picture, then good riddance.

I’m talking about the kind of woman that gets your heart to go ‘bam Bam BAM!’ just thinking that she’ll be yours for life. The kind of woman you love so much that if you saw a clearly photoshopped picture of her with some other guy po, your eyes will get teary. I don’t mind being her side boo, Read More I’m A Proud Side-boo!

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freshly baked Christmas fruit cake

When I was quite a bit younger, my mom used to bake cakes every Christmas. If I were to look back to some of the best parts of my youth so far, the fresh smell of baked cake in the morning would definitely feature prominently. And as you can imagine, the anticipation of said delicacies could drive us into one heck of a tizzy.

What I remember about those times, however, was not so much the joy of biting into freshly baked cake as the stomachaches I’d get whenever my impatient self would eat a little too much cake batter before the cake was even baked.

You see, it wasn’t just the cake that smelled heavenly when fresh – the divine scent of vanilla essence in the cake batter was to me what I’m sure ‘hunny‘ was to Pooh the Bear! My mom had to keep one eye out, at times buttressed by some nuclear level threats, in order to ensure that some batter was even left for baking. Read More Hang In There – Just a Little Longer…

Inspiration

WE all know how this goes. There are two people in a relationship, happy as can be. Then, all of a sudden, they aren’t happy anymore. Their woman isn’t vibing with them the way she used to. Then some niiiiiiiiceee girl comes around and gives him back his mojo and vibes are happening left, right and centre. The conversation is better, she isn’t annoying, she isn’t nagging. It all seems fantastic with this little piece of heaven and he begins to wonder if he shouldn’t jump ship…but he still loves his girl doh. Yet, he has gassed madam on the side some gassing that makes her think she’s the queen of the palace.

It only seems so ethereal because you’re only spending one-tenth the amount of time you would be spending with her if she was your actual girlfriend. This, however, has now adequately misguided a poor soul into thinking they now mean a lot more to you than they really do. You want to have your cake and eat it, too. This is how the cake you’re eating thinks she had a right to insert herself into your relationship and make it known that you love her more than you love your girlfriend. Or worse yet, that you don’t even love your girlfriend at all.

Read More The Glorified Side-Chick

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Last week was the bomb, this week is the explosion! Picking up from where we left off.

Guy 2 (laughing heartily) “Honestly man, I didn’t know you could go through such rubbish and still smell so good. Anyways, allow me to steal the show and tell you how much an erection actually costs.

You were all there when I got the Kenya Master’s Scholarship. 7 other Ghanaians got it too, 4 of whom were girls, 1 of whom was Sabina, the one because of whom the thought of sex doesn’t even turn me on anymore.

There was something about how my father warned me of how such trips could bring unforeseen children that I should have taken more seriously. Back then, I thought he was saying that because of the mistakes he made that gifted me with four step brothers from two women minus my mother. I repent from that thought; it must have been a revelation!

In Kenya, all 7 of us were in the same class with other students from all over Africa. Before then, I had never really spoken with Sabina, even during undergrad studies. But foreign lands, they have a way of making good friends out of distant acquaintances.

I’d never had sex before, and I thought I stood a good chance of being a virgin till marriage, but there’s something about being in a strange land without supervision and obligation that lures you to Read More The Price Of An Erection, Part ii -Rated 28

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