Most of my female friends are hot! It’s not like I discriminate, but me too that’s my portion. As for the Mrs, don’t go there! In another life, without Jesus, I’ll have been a top class pimp with an array of fiiiinnne gerhs purer than the methane Walter made in

Fine gerhs? Mi w) bi paaah
Fine gerhs? Mi w) bi paaah

Breaking Bad. Whaaaaatt! Gerhs papa paaah. We have natural haired, weave haired, perm haired, serious body, standard body, petite package, halfco level, tuntum ahuorfe, porsh car drivers, trotro takers….ky3r3 se, the product range is solid.

When you are friends with hot girls, you hear stories. Not those flimsy stories about cars stopping, windows rolling down, ‘pretty gerh where are you going?’ stories o, like serious serious ones!

Last week, Alice was telling me “So he called to say he was outside and would like to see me. I thought about it a minute and said ok, I’ll be there shortly. I took my time and strolled outside. There noorr, he whipped out $100. I was like ‘what’s that for?’ he said ‘Walking allowance.”

Did you see that fam? like did you seeee that? Walking alloowance! Awurade, where the sugar mummies at? Look, I’ll jog a mile for some jogging allowance. When I think of all the walking I’ve walked in my life, you’ll have been reading about me on Forbes if I had some willing donor giving walking allowance. Read More Chop My Money –Confessions Of A Hot Girl

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Hello, people! This week’s continuation of the Heartbreak Series is a long one, but I assure you it’s the best so far! 

So Chris went through one rough heartbreak and was in the doldrums until he went for a wedding, and met an exceptional young woman – Eduwa. Today, you’ll be reading her own story as we build up this piece to its unexpected climax… It’s a long one, so make sure you’ve gotten a comfortable seat and drink at least first – you’ll love this one!

 

If nothing at all, Chris was cautious at this sudden new interest he seemed to have developed in Eduwa, but first of all, it was taking all of his effort to avoid focusing on the elephant in the room – that wheelchair. What was up with that?

He’d been thinking of her and what her story was right from the moment he’d sat in the taxi that drove him home a week ago. It was, however, obviously not the best of topics to be running through his mind as he sat outside her office at Akorful, Gyemibi and Associates before his first interview of the day.

heart3-interviewApparently, there was a series of 3 interview appointments set up for shortlisted associates in one day here, but the twist was that failing to make it through one automatically disqualified you from the subsequent interview. He’d already counted 5 young lawyers step in in the past hour, and he was still amongst the 8 remaining…all 5 had exited with grim looks on their faces that didn’t need a psychic to interpret as failure.

Ei this woman too, her head tron like so? He mentally mused as he adjusted his tie once more. She couldn’t be so bad after all…could she? At this point now, the last thing on his mind was her backstory.

“Mr. Christopher Asumeng? The Administrator will see you now.” Read More The Pathology of a Heartbreak

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Last year about this time, I was prepping myself to leave advertising. I was tired of the routine with our biggest client. I was sure that my next move would be to run my own gig…and then I got an offer to be Creative Director at a lesser-known agency. I just couldn’t refuse that offer. Not because of the money, but the challenge. I find challenges so seductive!

I bombed my BECE French because instead of just submitting the simple ‘My Self’ composition like everyone was doing, I cancelled it out and wrote the much more difficult ‘passe compose’ one that hardly anyone touched. I still haven’t learnt.

So I took this offer. Given my years in advertising, it was at least four years sooner than those openings normally come. I suspended my ‘going solo’ plans and bit. The shoes I stepped in were big European ones. It was ridiculously daunting. During introductions, all the clients commented in different ways about how young I look. They were multinational brands with multinational expectations and there was this kponyoor me. Read More God’s G-spot!

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Hey people! Remember this guy: Chris? Well, he finally got back to me so here’s what happened with him after that devastating experience…Enjoy!

 

Narrating the story to me, Chris would have liked to say that he walked away happy and relieved that he had dodged a bullet; that he had the best time the next day and each day subsequently was better than the preceding one…the truth was vastly different.

Walking into his self-contained tiny flat that night and swinging the door shut, it all came crashing back in full force and he sank to his knees, tears streaming freely down his face. The thumping within his chest intensified and with each beat he felt pain.

All this time, and of all days…

heart2-wrpHis eyes fell on the wrapped painting he’d gotten a professional artist to make of the two of them. The plan had been to have it delivered to her flat the next morning by courier as an early morning surprise. Now it just seemed like the first of many dry bits of ash in his mouth.

The air actually felt thinner for a second and though the tie around his neck was already loose he ripped it off as he gasped for air – panic attack! He’d heard about this from a friend before who seemed to suffer them every morning before a major exam and he’d laughed it off “Kwesi paa, small exam wey you dey fear so?”

Mercifully, he never realized when sleep took him as he lay on the shaggy carpet. And that was the last night he slept for over an hour at a time for the next 3 weeks… Read More The Physiology of a Heartbreak

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I haven’t posted in a while. I’m sorry, forgive me. These past few weeks have been filled with such hectic schedules and mighty testimonies. There is so much I have to tell you, I don’t even know where to start from. It’s so funny, between the last sentence and this one, I had to pause and ponder for such a long time and for this post in particular I know now exactly what I want to tell you.

A lot has happened to give me fresh reverence for this quote ‘little drops of water, make a mighty ocean.’ When you go online and google ‘ruined lungs’, it’s hard to believe that that black contamination was ruined one puff at a time. In the same way dropping spare coins in some jar will amount to bride price money in a few months.

The biggest lie we’ve believed (without knowing we have), is that prayer doesn’t work, or not as lethal as even a slap. We’ve eaten so many times without praying over the food, so what’s with ‘bless this food we’re about to eat…’? We’ve travelled and returned so much without asking for travelling mercies, so what’s the point? We’ve been asking and asking for a particular thing for so long, so why bother? Fam, trust me on this one, IT’S WORKING! Read More Dont Stop! It’s Working.

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Dear sweetheart,

I don’t even know you yet, but you should know that I pray for you. I am slowly learning that doing so will always be a part of my life. I pray for your journey with me for nine months and how much bonding we’re going to be doing. But mostly, I pray because I am no longer naïve to the difficulties that pregnancy may come with. Therefore, before you are even conceived, I am praying that your nine-month journey is as smooth as possible.

This will be new for both you and I, and there are so many mistakes I’m going to make. You’re going to have to forgive me. It’s not really like you have a choice, you’re stuck with me. Speaking of being stuck, please know and understand that there will be times when I cannot stand your fearfully and wonderfully made self, but that does not mean I love you any less.

I love you already.

You’re going to have amazing years of people picking you up and biting your cheeks…Alright, that will just be me. However, once you get past that stage I want you to know this:

Read More Open Letter to My First-Born Child

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Hello, people! Once in a while, Goldinwords has the privilege of featuring a guest writer with amazing talent evident in their writing. So you can understand why #TeleTuesdays would allow one such writer to step into our limelight today – trust me, you won’t be disappointed. Like Benji intimated some time ago, there must be a little bit more than something connecting that stethoscope to a pen because he’s a medical student too!

He takes a unique look at something almost everyone can identify with at one time or the other and…maybe you’d better just take a look for yourself. Enjoy! 😉 

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Monday 11:08pm

One eye flutters open…it’s blurry…but gradually everything comes into view. The humming of the air conditioner in the background is accentuated by another sound…wait! 11:08pm!! He quickly springs out of the bed in his birthday suit and he’s reminded by the slight ache in his head to take it easy…he sees her sprawled in the bed…he feels bile rise up his throat…

creak-roomI can’t get angry with her…he reasons out… and the little alcoholic wine wasn’t messing with his head when he saw her approach the bar at his best friend’s party… his wedding ring flashes before his eyes and, as if tune with a Wolfgang diminuendo, he slowly sits on the edge of the bed with his face in both palms… what have I done??

He goes straight for his phone…where is it??? He locates his trousers in the couch…

33 missed calls54 messages

All from his wife…‘Sweetheart where are you?’ Read More The Creaking Sliding Door… (Guest Blogger Kwasi Koranteng)

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Who said romance and Christianity are mutually exclusive? Eh? Who said? Whoooo ssaaaiiiiddd? Show me his house and I’ll tell him something! You see it’s such misconceptions that leave our gorgeous curvaceous sistrenes at the mercies of R Kelly, Chris Brown, Taio Cruz and their sorts.

Answer me this, was Solomon of God or not? Don’t tell me being dolu and POP are characteristics of piety and don papa spiritoism. Come on come over here (Mortal Kombat style) and learn a line or two worhor worhor.

Ask Tele the advantages and heights his ‘Letters to my dear true wife’ has landed him and you’ll see that you’re doing yourself if the only vibe you got is…is…”Wooww sister Belinda, what a well moulded creation you are by the Almighty.” Come on bro! It’s not carnal to describe your wife’s body to her. In fact, it’s a very shpiritwa thing. So I’m going to show you what I mean with this made-for-the-mrs piece. Read More You Turn Me On!

Blog Poems

No, no, no. This couldn’t be happening again. Joy banged her hand on the steering wheel in frustration. “What is this?!”

She stared at the phone in her hand – Monique was now calling 5 minutes after sending her the picture without any response from her. She let the phone ring as she was carried away by a rush of emotions.

Who was this woman? What was this picture truly about? Was Yao really married? Like seriously?! For all this while?!

The questions were too many for her head to process on its own. *Ping* She received another message from Monique – Where are you, Joy? I’m calling you but you’re not answering, R u ok???

joy3-greetShe knew Monique meant well, but just then she didn’t think she could talk to anyone just yet. Wait – she cast a glance at the man sipping from a teacup at the terrace – there was one  person who she could speak to,

She stepped out of the car, her trembling hands finally settling as she closed the door before walking purposefully towards the restaurant.

Gino, the head greeter, smiled at her in the foyer, but she barely acknowledged him with a small wave of her right hand as she stalked toward the terrace.

“Oh hi there beautiful.” Yao was getting up to greet her with that smile that would turn her knees to jelly on any fair day…obviously not today. His smile faltered when he noticed the look on her face.

“What’s wrong, Joy? What’s with that look on your face?” Read More The Joys of an Intimidating Woman III

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“Get you a (wo) man who can do both”

I’m sure everyone and their grandmother has seen the memes with a person in some black-tie attire and some alternative, chill day attire with the caption “get you a so-and-so who can do both. If not, the internet and google are your best friend.

I’m thinking along those same lines, except I’m talking about getting you someone who can do one thing and do it really well.

Someone this weekend talked about the various excuses that Moses came up with when God called him at the burning bush. As in, he was just chilling, having a conversation with THE Lord God Almighty. Instant responses and all, yet he had doubts about how to do the things being asked of him. Can you imagine? You? Of course not, not you.

Iiiiiiii, on the other hand. I can’t say I have had legitimate immediate responses from God, a-la-Moses style. However, there are numerous times in my life where I have questioned how something that has been said or prophesied to me, or even something I have desired in my heart, is going to happen. I know, I know. You’re supposed to leave the “how” to God. However, I’m one of those weird people who likes to know how things are going to happen and whether a, b and c need to be 95 degrees to the left to make it happen.

Read More Get You An Aaron

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