It’s not easy to lose weight oo, herrhh! With all the domedo, icecream and oreo milk shake joints in the system, it takes special grace. Me, I’ve been trying hard waa to return to the stone-cut model figure I had just a few months, but alas, the six-pack keeps doing hide and seek with me, trying to get me to dig deeper. Literally.

Two of the things I’m doing trying to do often are morning jogs and no late eating. My broda, eeeezzzz nnoooottt eeaaassy! There’s also ‘Tieswag’, this brilliant side business I started last year with the intent to sell high quality, super fashionable designer neckties at affordable prices. I haven’t been able to give Tieswag the attention it needs since I started my current more-demanding job in Jan. I keep making moves to revive it, but eezz noootttt eeaassyy.

There are other things I’ve been trying to do as well that aren’t easy, like being a better Christian; one that’s more yielding, available and obedient to God, but eezz noootttt eeaassyy!!

I run with music in my ears, this morning, the song that was playing was ‘Forever’ by Kari Jobe. It had this part that says

“The ground began to shake, the stone was rolled away,

Now death, where is your sting?

My resurrected king has left you defeated

His perfect love could not be overcome.”

The tune is soo lit! Read More My Fight Against Domedo And Oreo Milkshake.

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Joy stormed out of the café, rummaging through the bottom of her Givenchy handbag for her car keys. She couldn’t wait to get out of that obnoxious man’s presence. She fumbled with the key fob as she slid into the driver’s seat, engaging the engine before peeling away into traffic in her BMW i8. joy-bm7

This was the 3rd time in as many months in which a lunch or dinner date ended under such cloudy auspices.

Since returning to Ghana after 6 years and a foreign education abroad, she’d finally caved to pressure from friends and family and decided to follow up on the numerous invites out by this one’s friend or that one’s cousin they were ‘sure to make a beautiful match’.

 

Fast forward to Date #1 – Julius. Venue: Ci Gusta. Agenda: Late Lunch. Friday at 3:30pm.

The first thing that wouldn’t have been a ‘thing’ if the rest of the date had gone well at least was her waiting for him for close to 45 mins before he showed up with barely any reason for his tardiness.

“Sorry o, Madam Accountant,” was all he could say before taking the lead to order from the menu he’d snapped his fingers for immediately he entered the eatery. Read More The Joys of an Intimidating Woman I

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How old are you? Wow! Looketyeewww. Time flies so quickly doesn’t it? Wasn’t it like a week ago you were in SHS? Now there are so many year groups behind you it’s like their mere existence is just to spite and get you moping about how quickly old age is creeping in. It’s such a relief that Facebook only notifies people about your birthday but doesn’t tell them exactly how old you are isn’t it? Lol, I feel you on that.

But at the same time it’s hard to think of how far you’ve come without pausing to thank God right? See your tithe right now, that was your salary some months back, mi boa? You don’t need to think hard to remember a few time’s God has made you weak in the knees, right? And then you also remember how little you’ve done to show your gratitude and then you feel bad. Your mind replays your shortfalls or insufficient efforts in demonstrating your love for this great God and you feel bad.

It’s not easy though is it? I mean, see how busy you are, see how the jobs keep lining up, where’s the time to foreplay him with 30 mins worship before warming up into chandaskabolose mandakristo? Plus you wake up one day and it just occurs to that ‘Oh Goodness, the beautiful ones have been born!” But have they? Have they been born…or made up and ‘mascarad’? Lol, dont let me go there po. Read More Cheap Martyrs!

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YOU’RE just chilling when you see a person driving down the street in a sleek luxury car, you hear they’re living in their Trassaco villa this weekend, and they are always sporting the trendiest designer clothes and shoes. Undoubtedly, you want to know who they are and what they did to acquire such wealth. “Oh, she’s a businesswoman,” and that is enough of an explanation for the show of wealth, usually.

This isn’t the case when it comes to men and women of God. Can you imagine seeing all of that and someone saying “oh, he’s a pastor of so-and-so church” as the explanation for the wealth? That wouldn’t go down so well. There will be a plethora of follow-up questions about what it is the church does and doesn’t do and why and how this head pastor is chopping all the money.

For some reason, we attribute being a pastor to living an austere life. Because if your lifestyle isn’t austere, you can’t possibly be true to the word of God. However, if there’s going to be prayer for financial prosperity there’ll be a hoard of people ready to receive God’s blessings. Only the congregation should benefit from financial prosperity, the leaders must remain eternally “humble”.

Read More Pastors Can’t Be Rich

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A week or so ago, Ewuraesi wrote about The Glorified Side-chick. Well me, I don’t mind being a side boo at all, and by the time I’m done, you’ll wish to be one too. Truth is, exclusivity is overrated. “I wanna be the first person she thinks of when she wakes and the last voice she hears before she sleeps.” Dude, please.

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See what I mean? lol

And if you haven’t dated a hot girl or a woman you’re crazy about, you po dier you’re not amang of this conversation. Because the thing naah, you don’t even like her, so if another guy comes into the picture, then good riddance.

I’m talking about the kind of woman that gets your heart to go ‘bam Bam BAM!’ just thinking that she’ll be yours for life. The kind of woman you love so much that if you saw a clearly photoshopped picture of her with some other guy po, your eyes will get teary. I don’t mind being her side boo, Read More I’m A Proud Side-boo!

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freshly baked Christmas fruit cake

When I was quite a bit younger, my mom used to bake cakes every Christmas. If I were to look back to some of the best parts of my youth so far, the fresh smell of baked cake in the morning would definitely feature prominently. And as you can imagine, the anticipation of said delicacies could drive us into one heck of a tizzy.

What I remember about those times, however, was not so much the joy of biting into freshly baked cake as the stomachaches I’d get whenever my impatient self would eat a little too much cake batter before the cake was even baked.

You see, it wasn’t just the cake that smelled heavenly when fresh – the divine scent of vanilla essence in the cake batter was to me what I’m sure ‘hunny‘ was to Pooh the Bear! My mom had to keep one eye out, at times buttressed by some nuclear level threats, in order to ensure that some batter was even left for baking. Read More Hang In There – Just a Little Longer…

Inspiration

WE all know how this goes. There are two people in a relationship, happy as can be. Then, all of a sudden, they aren’t happy anymore. Their woman isn’t vibing with them the way she used to. Then some niiiiiiiiceee girl comes around and gives him back his mojo and vibes are happening left, right and centre. The conversation is better, she isn’t annoying, she isn’t nagging. It all seems fantastic with this little piece of heaven and he begins to wonder if he shouldn’t jump ship…but he still loves his girl doh. Yet, he has gassed madam on the side some gassing that makes her think she’s the queen of the palace.

It only seems so ethereal because you’re only spending one-tenth the amount of time you would be spending with her if she was your actual girlfriend. This, however, has now adequately misguided a poor soul into thinking they now mean a lot more to you than they really do. You want to have your cake and eat it, too. This is how the cake you’re eating thinks she had a right to insert herself into your relationship and make it known that you love her more than you love your girlfriend. Or worse yet, that you don’t even love your girlfriend at all.

Read More The Glorified Side-Chick

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Last week was the bomb, this week is the explosion! Picking up from where we left off.

Guy 2 (laughing heartily) “Honestly man, I didn’t know you could go through such rubbish and still smell so good. Anyways, allow me to steal the show and tell you how much an erection actually costs.

You were all there when I got the Kenya Master’s Scholarship. 7 other Ghanaians got it too, 4 of whom were girls, 1 of whom was Sabina, the one because of whom the thought of sex doesn’t even turn me on anymore.

There was something about how my father warned me of how such trips could bring unforeseen children that I should have taken more seriously. Back then, I thought he was saying that because of the mistakes he made that gifted me with four step brothers from two women minus my mother. I repent from that thought; it must have been a revelation!

In Kenya, all 7 of us were in the same class with other students from all over Africa. Before then, I had never really spoken with Sabina, even during undergrad studies. But foreign lands, they have a way of making good friends out of distant acquaintances.

I’d never had sex before, and I thought I stood a good chance of being a virgin till marriage, but there’s something about being in a strange land without supervision and obligation that lures you to Read More The Price Of An Erection, Part ii -Rated 28

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Memories…

flash - neverendingThere’s this old movie – The Neverending Story – that they used to show on GTV somewhere in the ’90s on Sunday afternoons. In the Sequel, a boy enters this fantasy world and acquires a medallion that grants various wishes. The twist, however, is that the baddie makes it such that with every wish, he forgoes a personal memory. It reaches a point somewhere down the line where he has just 2 left – of his mother and father – and then, in order to save the life of someone he gives up the memory of his mother with another wish.

That movie made me realise for the first time the immense importance of memories to us as people – they form our beings just as surely as every morsel of food we take in daily.

But this brings me to a conundrum: as we advance, humanity finds better and better ways of safeguarding this memory. Disposable cameras gave way to Polaroids, then digital cameras have progressively been giving way to the latest flagship smartphone in our quest to preserve the moments.

Technology steps in to save us, but at a cost which I’m guilty of also. Flipping through the 35+ Gb archive of pictures on my laptop accrued over the last decade or so, I realised the biggest mistake we’ve been routinely making. Read More Smile at the Camera *Flash*!

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I first posted this some time back when there was just a couple of us, but seeing as we’re a crowd now, I’m certain you have to see this. It’s one of my very favorites!

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Quote: An erected penis hath no conscience.

Anonymous

Recently I’ve been wondering, but I haven’t had to wonder much, because I know a couple of people who know a couple of people who have actually paid the price of an erection, or are almost done with it, so we’ll look at it through their eyes, and see if it’s a price any of us should contemplate paying.

My friend was hanging out with two close guy friends of his, and in the course of their conversation the issue of weaknesses came up. Bear in mind that all three are staunch, favored anointed men, not a bunch of secular miscreants. You might be tempted to judge, but please don’t make that mistake, just read and remember that infamous Akan proverb; “If you see your neighbor’s beard on fire, keep a bucket of water around yours at all times”

Guy 1 says “Charley, as for me, my weakness is lust o, after all I’ve been through and all it’s cost me, I find that if it’s only by grace that I stand and hope.” #imagine the whirring of a cassette as I rewind to the part when he talked about what it cost him.

“I was home when this spiritual daughter of mine said Read More The Price Of An Erection. Part 1- Rated 28

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