When I started, I had no intention of writing a part 2. And now there’s a part 3 coming up next week! See how you get me weak in the knees? lol. Here’s where we left off;

She laughed “Sorry, I don’t give my numbers out like that.” With that she slid into the front seat of the car. Her friend did same and started the engine. Yaw didn’t see it coming. Something about his disorientation made her feel bad. She rolled her window down halfway “But maybe after the third time I see you in church, I might reconsider.” She smiled as they drove off.

He watched their taillight disappear into the darkness, smiling like a piglet. He started thinking to himself what department in the church to join.

***

II

She was on his mind all throughout the week. She stained his mind. He tried to find her on Facebook. 12 hours went into that search, literally! but her face didn’t show. The more unfindable she was, the more he craved to find her. She didn’t come to church on Sunday, but that wasn’t a shocker; most people came for the Friday night prayer service then went to their own churches on Sundays.

On Friday, he felt what David meant when he said “I was glad when they said unto me…” He was distracted the whole service, turning in the direction of every motion, hoping it was her coming in. She didn’t show. He felt frustrated; he’d been present but absent from the service and missed out on being edified. The person who could have made it all worth it too didn’t show. Bummer! Next Friday was the same. He started to think maybe she was some boga who’d returned to Alabama. Read More The Steamy Church Romance II

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How many women do you know with numerous pinterest boards or folders of pictures on their phone of the decor they want at their wedding? They know what shoes they’ll be wearing, and which ones their husband-to-be will be wearing to match that. They have options A, B, C anddd D for venues, because being prepared is always necessary. Or men who want to ride in a fancy car and have all twenty-seven of their guys be groomsmen in their matching suits.

The wedding party’s entrance is fleeky. Everybody has their own song. There’s even a choreography for entertainment in the middle of the night. And of course, no party is complete without the best DJ in town, and food that everyone is talking about months later. So every time someone says the word jollof now, we must all remember that amaaaazing jollof that you had at your wedding.

Everything is in place for the wedding to be lit, as they say. Assumedly, so is their marriage.

Read More The Race to the Wedding

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You remember I told you I work in advertising right? Some days back I was in Cape Town to shoot a few commercials for a client. I dare not start on how beautiful the city is, lest this turns into a travel blog. Anyways so my colleague and I went down to the Waterfront Mall, which is…well which is what a mall is actually supposed to be like. I lost like 5 kilos walking from entrance 1 to 3!

There were countless food outlets and I didn’t want to waste stomach space so I asked Google to help me out with the best steak joints around, there was one downstairs to my right. The menu was artistically pasted on a board where they had even explained how they let the meat stay on the carcass for 3 days and then marinated it for 28 days. Myyyy goodness! I thought “They started preparing my lunch last month!” With such a reputation, location, ventilation, matriculation (now I’m just fooling here,lol) the PRICE was to be expected. Read More My Cape Town Brodo Story

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Hiiiiii! Have you missed me? Because I have missed you, terribly. I’m sorry about my absence. Life happened and I was trying to figure out how to do life, instead of make life do me, so to speak. But enough with the excuses, please don’t leave me and I promise I won’t leave you again.

Speaking of life, let’s talk about mine for a bit…

 

As you may or may not know, I had a really hard time finding a job after I was done with school. Partially because I’m not much of a “Settler” but also because jobs just aren’t out there for the picking. Not the way most people (read: millennials like myself) would expect.

While going through the search, I had, as I usually did, written down a lengthy list of all the things I wanted in and from my job. I would be sure to remind God of it every so often, so if something came around that was missing what I considered to be an uncompromisable element, then I would kindly nudge him and let him know. I have also always been a person who has had numerous things happening at the same time; it’s all I’ve known. I quite enjoy having to juggle different elements of my life and making them fit, and for the most part I do this quite well.

Read More The Cluttered Mind

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She was the first person he noticed when he entered the auditorium. There was nothing remarkable about the tight blue jeans or navy green top she was in, but there was everything about the body it clad.

Such perfect proportions, such sufficiency, such equilibrium! What a temple! She was fair, but not the induced kind; he’d learnt to spot cream-induced fairness by spotting darker knuckles and inconsistent ‘fairness pantones’. This one was legit. The neckline of her top was a little loose so he could notice a few petals of the rose tattooed at her back. No colours, just black contours. It was a beautiful tattoo.

The usher directed him to a seat four rows behind her. She shared his attention with the pulpit. The worship songs were moving her. She was in the spirit. When she jumped, she wobbled, and he swallowed, then looked up to heaven. Forgive. Read More The Steamy Church Romance.

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I want to talk to you about a skeptic, a fearoo so fearoo he couldn’t have sat through a Karishika movie, a coward and a no body who became one of my favourite Bible characters ever! Gideon’s story is gold to me because it washes so many misconceptions that had filled me with useless fears.

I used to think that doubting God’s promise meant missing it. That if you were believing God for something and for just one aboskitikiti moment, you wondered if He was able or if it would happen then darrisit, aint gonna happen. I used to think that fear meant defeat; that if I feared something, I’d given it power to happen. I had this military no-nonsense approach to faith and fear. It trapped me for so long, making me feel gloomy and vulnerable and paranoid, making me walk on eggshells. I didn’t understand what He meant when He said He understands we’re made of dust. I hadn’t read or understood Gideon’s story. I do now, and I’d like to pay you same courtesy. Can I? If your answer is no po it’s not like I can hear you so oya! Make we just hurry dey go.

When God first hit Gideon up, the man was hiding in a winepress to thresh wheat. That’s like pounding fufu on your bed because you don’t want your land lord’s trouble. He said to him, “The LORD is with you, o brave man.” God’s not dumb or deaf, he could see the man’s heart beating like a corn mill machine. he heard the man scream “Awurade, m’awu!” He still called him brave! 

 

Then He told Gideon to go in his (Gideon’s) great strength and save Israel from the hand of Midian. It was absurd! The kind of command or prophesy that gets you questioning the anointing on a pastor’s life. When Gideon answered with excuses about being the least important in a family from the weakest clan, it didn’t disqualify him. Rather, God answered “…I will help you. You will crush the Midianites as if they were only one man.”

Authors feeling: wawolo!! sosskket! Read More Me And The Old Testament Coward!

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I’ve heard that marriages have broken over toothpaste; husband squeezes from the middle, wife from the bottom, wahala, over. Cutlery recently ended another marriage. Hubby was put off when wife didn’t bring food with cutlery, wife couldn’t believe hubby couldn’t appreciate the effort she’d put into making food and rather focused on cutlery he could get himself also, wahala, over.

Toilet seats, too much salt, milk finishing too quickly have all ended marriages, but the chart topper is kelewele. Kelewele my bredas, kelewele ended a marriage in 2016. Hubby picks up wife after work. En route home, hubby stops by his favourite kelewele joint. He buys GHC 7 with GHC 2 groundnut. She’s not so hungry so doesn’t want one for herself, but he knew she’d pick at his, hence the GHC 7 instead of his standard GHC 5. Read More How Kelewele Ended A Marriage

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All throughout this post, picture me with a hoarse, husky loud voice like the bulldog sergeant in your favourite war movie! Now. I’ve just watched a movie that’s made me contemplate visiting a vulcaniser to check out the leak in my eyes! I’m no cry baby, but every dog has it’s day. And you know me, I never go down alone. So we’re going to do this TOOOGEEETHHEER! YAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

I’d heard people talking about Hacksaw Ridge, Hacksaw Ridge. Meanwhile me all I knew was hacksaw blade. Regardless, I felt the urge to just click on it and see something. Now if you know me even a little bit you know i’m a movie connoisseur. I can sniff a good movie faster than a ninja can kick, but with all my skills in movie telling, I wasn’t ready for Hacksaw Ridge. It’s like no action/war movie that’s ever been made. It’s like ‘the Expendables’ meets ‘touched by an angel’.

It’s not love I feel for the movie, it’s a potpourri of the strongest emotions. It’s the verb of that adjective ‘brave’. It’s the action packed demonstration of what a man is capable of when he decides to make God the centre of his life, no matter where that life leads him. It’s the ability to carry your conviction and your belief to the thickest ‘peer pressure’ zone. My gaawwddd, that movie’s got my blood pumping like a horny hubby rabbit on viagra. Read More The Best Movie I Ever Watched!

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So I’ve been married, what? like two months and I’ve cracked it! I figured out best practices on how to cheat on your Mrs. It’s not rocket science really, and if this doesn’t work, I’m offering a money-back guarantee! See, these days, a wedding ring turns more women on than ripped abs and fake slangs. Just flash that ring and they be like “Oooohh mmyyy, that Mrs. sure is lucky! My goodness. Have you been treating her right? do you make her happy? are you sure? (giggles) really? You wanna show me?”

Last week, my married cousin passed by my office with Naa, our mutual friend. Sam’s a nice guy. Nice, respectable guy. leads Bible study in church but is not an uptight Christian. He has the blackest lips! When we were talking, I couldn’t help but notice the purple smudge on his lip. Naa had gone to use the washroom so it was just us talking. The more we spoke, the harder it became to ignore the smudge on his lip. Naa’s lipstick was purple. Very quickly, my mind connected the dots! So I asked “Wait a minute, Sam, there is lipstick on your lips. How did lipstick get on your lips!?”

His heart missed a beat, but it didn’t show in his calm countenance. He just wiped hard and said dismissively “Oh it’s nothing, just a French way of saying hi.”

I laughed till I choked. “Eeeeeyiii! Gyimitoooottto! French ebaaadzi?! French way of saying ‘hi’. Then how’ll they say ‘How are you?’ Nonsense, but how can you try to BS me? you know i’m too smart for that!”

His face was all kinds of silly. Read More How To Cheat On Your Wife.

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EVERYONE knows the famous “ask and you shall receive” verse. Eeeeverryyyyone and their grandmother. I’m one of those people who falters between not asking because how-can-you-make-something-like-that-happen and ask-anyway-because-theres-the-likelihood-you-wont-get-it-mpo.

Typically, I end up at ask-anyway. Because I’m all for shoot-your-shot and see where it lands.

My favourite (I know, I know, you’re not really supposed to have favourites, but stay with me) verse regarding prayer and whether or not it gets answered is when God asks Moses, “is my hand waxed short?” Every time I think about asking for something and I think it might be too big an ask, I try to remind myself of that.

How can it be too big, do you know who you’re asking? My friend, ask worhor. “ – is the running monologue I have with myself.

Read More This Kind Prayer

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