I want to talk to you about a skeptic, a fearoo so fearoo he couldn’t have sat through a Karishika movie, a coward and a no body who became one of my favourite Bible characters ever! Gideon’s story is gold to me because it washes so many misconceptions that had filled me with useless fears.

I used to think that doubting God’s promise meant missing it. That if you were believing God for something and for just one aboskitikiti moment, you wondered if He was able or if it would happen then darrisit, aint gonna happen. I used to think that fear meant defeat; that if I feared something, I’d given it power to happen. I had this military no-nonsense approach to faith and fear. It trapped me for so long, making me feel gloomy and vulnerable and paranoid, making me walk on eggshells. I didn’t understand what He meant when He said He understands we’re made of dust. I hadn’t read or understood Gideon’s story. I do now, and I’d like to pay you same courtesy. Can I? If your answer is no po it’s not like I can hear you so oya! Make we just hurry dey go.

When God first hit Gideon up, the man was hiding in a winepress to thresh wheat. That’s like pounding fufu on your bed because you don’t want your land lord’s trouble. He said to him, “The LORD is with you, o brave man.” God’s not dumb or deaf, he could see the man’s heart beating like a corn mill machine. he heard the man scream “Awurade, m’awu!” He still called him brave! 

 

Then He told Gideon to go in his (Gideon’s) great strength and save Israel from the hand of Midian. It was absurd! The kind of command or prophesy that gets you questioning the anointing on a pastor’s life. When Gideon answered with excuses about being the least important in a family from the weakest clan, it didn’t disqualify him. Rather, God answered “…I will help you. You will crush the Midianites as if they were only one man.”

Authors feeling: wawolo!! sosskket! Read More Me And The Old Testament Coward!

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I’ve heard that marriages have broken over toothpaste; husband squeezes from the middle, wife from the bottom, wahala, over. Cutlery recently ended another marriage. Hubby was put off when wife didn’t bring food with cutlery, wife couldn’t believe hubby couldn’t appreciate the effort she’d put into making food and rather focused on cutlery he could get himself also, wahala, over.

Toilet seats, too much salt, milk finishing too quickly have all ended marriages, but the chart topper is kelewele. Kelewele my bredas, kelewele ended a marriage in 2016. Hubby picks up wife after work. En route home, hubby stops by his favourite kelewele joint. He buys GHC 7 with GHC 2 groundnut. She’s not so hungry so doesn’t want one for herself, but he knew she’d pick at his, hence the GHC 7 instead of his standard GHC 5. Read More How Kelewele Ended A Marriage

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All throughout this post, picture me with a hoarse, husky loud voice like the bulldog sergeant in your favourite war movie! Now. I’ve just watched a movie that’s made me contemplate visiting a vulcaniser to check out the leak in my eyes! I’m no cry baby, but every dog has it’s day. And you know me, I never go down alone. So we’re going to do this TOOOGEEETHHEER! YAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

I’d heard people talking about Hacksaw Ridge, Hacksaw Ridge. Meanwhile me all I knew was hacksaw blade. Regardless, I felt the urge to just click on it and see something. Now if you know me even a little bit you know i’m a movie connoisseur. I can sniff a good movie faster than a ninja can kick, but with all my skills in movie telling, I wasn’t ready for Hacksaw Ridge. It’s like no action/war movie that’s ever been made. It’s like ‘the Expendables’ meets ‘touched by an angel’.

It’s not love I feel for the movie, it’s a potpourri of the strongest emotions. It’s the verb of that adjective ‘brave’. It’s the action packed demonstration of what a man is capable of when he decides to make God the centre of his life, no matter where that life leads him. It’s the ability to carry your conviction and your belief to the thickest ‘peer pressure’ zone. My gaawwddd, that movie’s got my blood pumping like a horny hubby rabbit on viagra. Read More The Best Movie I Ever Watched!

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So I’ve been married, what? like two months and I’ve cracked it! I figured out best practices on how to cheat on your Mrs. It’s not rocket science really, and if this doesn’t work, I’m offering a money-back guarantee! See, these days, a wedding ring turns more women on than ripped abs and fake slangs. Just flash that ring and they be like “Oooohh mmyyy, that Mrs. sure is lucky! My goodness. Have you been treating her right? do you make her happy? are you sure? (giggles) really? You wanna show me?”

Last week, my married cousin passed by my office with Naa, our mutual friend. Sam’s a nice guy. Nice, respectable guy. leads Bible study in church but is not an uptight Christian. He has the blackest lips! When we were talking, I couldn’t help but notice the purple smudge on his lip. Naa had gone to use the washroom so it was just us talking. The more we spoke, the harder it became to ignore the smudge on his lip. Naa’s lipstick was purple. Very quickly, my mind connected the dots! So I asked “Wait a minute, Sam, there is lipstick on your lips. How did lipstick get on your lips!?”

His heart missed a beat, but it didn’t show in his calm countenance. He just wiped hard and said dismissively “Oh it’s nothing, just a French way of saying hi.”

I laughed till I choked. “Eeeeeyiii! Gyimitoooottto! French ebaaadzi?! French way of saying ‘hi’. Then how’ll they say ‘How are you?’ Nonsense, but how can you try to BS me? you know i’m too smart for that!”

His face was all kinds of silly. Read More How To Cheat On Your Wife.

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EVERYONE knows the famous “ask and you shall receive” verse. Eeeeverryyyyone and their grandmother. I’m one of those people who falters between not asking because how-can-you-make-something-like-that-happen and ask-anyway-because-theres-the-likelihood-you-wont-get-it-mpo.

Typically, I end up at ask-anyway. Because I’m all for shoot-your-shot and see where it lands.

My favourite (I know, I know, you’re not really supposed to have favourites, but stay with me) verse regarding prayer and whether or not it gets answered is when God asks Moses, “is my hand waxed short?” Every time I think about asking for something and I think it might be too big an ask, I try to remind myself of that.

How can it be too big, do you know who you’re asking? My friend, ask worhor. “ – is the running monologue I have with myself.

Read More This Kind Prayer

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I hate forwarded messages. Okay, maybe hate is too strong, I passionately dislike them. I’m also not a big fan of recycled seasonal messages. This Easter, there’re a ton of generic images and messages going round. I’m not really interested in that because I think there’s a deeper issue. Look, you cant fool me. You know what Easter is all about. You know it’s about Jesus dying for your sins blah blah blah, the facts of the matter have been plain to us since Sunday School.

“It’s good to keep reminding ourselves” you say. But our issue isn’t forgetfulness, it is conscious indifference. We have so numbed our senses that all those Easter verses and images, they don’t really tickle us anymore. Easter, and so? People be sending whatsapps like “About this time, Judas  was getting ready to delete himself from the 12 disciples whatsapp group. It’s all fun and games. We’re more grateful for the long weekend than the blood that was shed. It’s not out of ignorance, it’s just that….and so what? Well, I’m going to try to bring it home. I’ll try.

When I was a foetus, I had an unusually big head. At the time, they didn’t care if it was genius or what, you had to go. The doctor gave my mum a hard choice “We either terminate your pregnancy, or that pregnancy terminates you. Don’t get it twisted, one of you will die.” I wasn’t born yet, so I wont have taken it personal, but my mum said “NO!. If I lose my life whilst having him, well so be it!” Read More Easter And So What?

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I’m not that tall, but when I stand on my lyrics, you lie baadd! I can give you vibes aaah, you’ll have to tip toe to reach my shoulder. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard people say “Eiiii you thhiiissss bbooyy! I cant wait to see who you end up marrying!” So many people said it that I started getting really curious myself…and a little worried too; who was I going to end up marrying?

I’m told I have a sense of humour, and gorgeous women love men who can keep a smile on their faces. When a fine girl comes from money, is mature or has been bad long enough, she KNOWS, that it’s not all about the money. That’s where my kind get’s the upper hand. I will do you logoligi saaaah, you wont even check my tithe.

But even funny fine guys have issues. I have my issues. I can be critical, overly analytical, sometimes lazy, a little dramatic, a photographic memory, plus a tad too much ego. Unless it’s exceptionally stimulating, it’s hard for me to keep a sustained interest in one thing for too long, that’s why advertising is so cool, I get to work on many brands at the same time. I knew I was so some way that I wasn’t expecting to run into the woman I’d marry anytime soon. Read More How I Met My Wife

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Fam, it’s been a while, and don’t you think for a moment that I’ve forgotten about you. Thing is, when I blindly repeated after my pastor “This is my year of possessing my possessions! I shall claim all that is mine! Every inheritance of mine comes to me in Jesus name!”, I had no idea He’d take me so seriously so quickly. It’s only March but enough amazing stuff have happened to fill a year, top of which is…shhhh…wait for it. Top of which is….AAAIIIII GGGAAAATTTT MMAARRIIEEEEDDD!

I deeeeed, i deeeed fam. I got my gold in words dipped in some hot marital sauce.Yes yes, i know, you’re right, there were no pre wedding photos, there was next to no publicity but still I am better than Adele. The Mrs. is  amazing and you most likely know her. She was the wife in Mistress of My Life- The Krobosutra story, she inspired ‘The SEXIEST Thing About My Dream Wife’ and the all-time best post ever on this site; ‘Made By A Woman.’ plus several others. Read More Goldinwords Has A Mrs!

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ERM…I don’t love him. If my father died tomorrow, there’d be no attachment. My life wouldn’t be any different than it has been for the past few years. He hasn’t really done anything. He was a bad father and a terrible husband. I have cared for myself for the past two years. I pay the bills at home. I don’t love him. I have never told him I love him. feel pity for him really,” uttered my friend.

I have a group of male friends who, if I do say so myself, are amazing. They are not without their flaws, but they are some of the most talented, comforting, intellectual men I know. There’s a saying that goes “children don’t do as they are told, they imitate what they see.” Some of my male friends, after I have pried and forced them to talk about things like this, admitted that they didn’t have the best fathers. They had physical fathers, but not so much relationships with those men. Based on that and the saying, I began to ponder the kind of fathers my male friends would be to their future children.

I’ve wondered if somehow, based on the notion of children doing as they see and not as they are told, my friends would act like their fathers or were already doing that without knowing it. One of my closest friends comes from a dual-parent home and yet doesn’t really have a relationship with his father.
Read More The Forgotten Fathers

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Living in Ghana, I think we learn about God firstly through a sensational experience before we learn about Him any other way. Maybe because your mother or father had someone pray over you and you were forced to feeeeel the Spirit before you even know who or what he was and why he was so intent on being felt by you.

You rarely get an explanation of who the Trinity is, what their purpose is, or who is who in said Trinity. You must believe because your father believes, and your father’s father, and their parents before them. And God forbid you be the one who doesn’t follow the path the ancestors have set. No questions can be asked, because how dare you question God?

Based on that experience, of relating to God viscerally before you can relate to him emotionally or mentally, I think, I think we tend to become slaves of that visceral feeeeling of God.

There’s nothing wrong with that though…right? How do you know God is there if people aren’t wailing and you not breaking out in goosebumps everywhere? And if that’s how to feel God, I don’t think I feel God anymore.

Read More I Don’t Feel God Anymore

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