How many women do you know with numerous pinterest boards or folders of pictures on their phone of the decor they want at their wedding? They know what shoes they’ll be wearing, and which ones their husband-to-be will be wearing to match that. They have options A, B, C anddd D for venues, because being prepared is always necessary. Or men who want to ride in a fancy car and have all twenty-seven of their guys be groomsmen in their matching suits.

The wedding party’s entrance is fleeky. Everybody has their own song. There’s even a choreography for entertainment in the middle of the night. And of course, no party is complete without the best DJ in town, and food that everyone is talking about months later. So every time someone says the word jollof now, we must all remember that amaaaazing jollof that you had at your wedding.

Everything is in place for the wedding to be lit, as they say. Assumedly, so is their marriage.

Read More The Race to the Wedding

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Hiiiiii! Have you missed me? Because I have missed you, terribly. I’m sorry about my absence. Life happened and I was trying to figure out how to do life, instead of make life do me, so to speak. But enough with the excuses, please don’t leave me and I promise I won’t leave you again.

Speaking of life, let’s talk about mine for a bit…

 

As you may or may not know, I had a really hard time finding a job after I was done with school. Partially because I’m not much of a “Settler” but also because jobs just aren’t out there for the picking. Not the way most people (read: millennials like myself) would expect.

While going through the search, I had, as I usually did, written down a lengthy list of all the things I wanted in and from my job. I would be sure to remind God of it every so often, so if something came around that was missing what I considered to be an uncompromisable element, then I would kindly nudge him and let him know. I have also always been a person who has had numerous things happening at the same time; it’s all I’ve known. I quite enjoy having to juggle different elements of my life and making them fit, and for the most part I do this quite well.

Read More The Cluttered Mind

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EVERYONE knows the famous “ask and you shall receive” verse. Eeeeverryyyyone and their grandmother. I’m one of those people who falters between not asking because how-can-you-make-something-like-that-happen and ask-anyway-because-theres-the-likelihood-you-wont-get-it-mpo.

Typically, I end up at ask-anyway. Because I’m all for shoot-your-shot and see where it lands.

My favourite (I know, I know, you’re not really supposed to have favourites, but stay with me) verse regarding prayer and whether or not it gets answered is when God asks Moses, “is my hand waxed short?” Every time I think about asking for something and I think it might be too big an ask, I try to remind myself of that.

How can it be too big, do you know who you’re asking? My friend, ask worhor. “ – is the running monologue I have with myself.

Read More This Kind Prayer

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ERM…I don’t love him. If my father died tomorrow, there’d be no attachment. My life wouldn’t be any different than it has been for the past few years. He hasn’t really done anything. He was a bad father and a terrible husband. I have cared for myself for the past two years. I pay the bills at home. I don’t love him. I have never told him I love him. feel pity for him really,” uttered my friend.

I have a group of male friends who, if I do say so myself, are amazing. They are not without their flaws, but they are some of the most talented, comforting, intellectual men I know. There’s a saying that goes “children don’t do as they are told, they imitate what they see.” Some of my male friends, after I have pried and forced them to talk about things like this, admitted that they didn’t have the best fathers. They had physical fathers, but not so much relationships with those men. Based on that and the saying, I began to ponder the kind of fathers my male friends would be to their future children.

I’ve wondered if somehow, based on the notion of children doing as they see and not as they are told, my friends would act like their fathers or were already doing that without knowing it. One of my closest friends comes from a dual-parent home and yet doesn’t really have a relationship with his father.
Read More The Forgotten Fathers

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Living in Ghana, I think we learn about God firstly through a sensational experience before we learn about Him any other way. Maybe because your mother or father had someone pray over you and you were forced to feeeeel the Spirit before you even know who or what he was and why he was so intent on being felt by you.

You rarely get an explanation of who the Trinity is, what their purpose is, or who is who in said Trinity. You must believe because your father believes, and your father’s father, and their parents before them. And God forbid you be the one who doesn’t follow the path the ancestors have set. No questions can be asked, because how dare you question God?

Based on that experience, of relating to God viscerally before you can relate to him emotionally or mentally, I think, I think we tend to become slaves of that visceral feeeeling of God.

There’s nothing wrong with that though…right? How do you know God is there if people aren’t wailing and you not breaking out in goosebumps everywhere? And if that’s how to feel God, I don’t think I feel God anymore.

Read More I Don’t Feel God Anymore

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YOU cannot, if you’re not a person of colour, wear cornrows, or rasta, or even wear your hair in what might remotely resemble a natural ‘fro. You’re aiding in cultural appropriation, and it’s just down right wrong.

You can’t refer to baby hairs if you, as a matter of fact, do not have baby hairs. If you have thin long hair, that is almost the same length as the rest of your head of hair, you are aiding in cultural appropriation.

How dare the thought of wrapping your head with designer scarves even come up? When women around the world are being shamed for wearing a headwrap?!

How can you call a black person “black” and not a person of colour? Do you even realise how offensive that is? It is not okay to assume a person who is biracial is black simply because one of their parents is. They are actually a very equal mix of both races. That’s why they are called biracial people.

Read More You Must Be Politically Correct

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IT was almost Christmas and I was checking in with one of my girls, Aba. She was getting ready to make a trip home. She was, understandably, excited because she planned a trip the year before and couldn’t make it. I didn’t help by telling her how much she missed out. As per usual, we had already made plans and were ready to discuss how we were going to spend Christmas. We also planned for spontaneous plans. I know. However, Aba in Ghana always means something spontaneous is going to happen. Said something usually involves some man.

“Are you excited?” I asked.

“Small”

“Because all your boys are there,” I retorted.

“On the lowest key, I’m excited to get regular smooches.”

“Waa shr3, I know you too well. Kwame and Bobby?”

“Not Bobby anymore. He’ll be there, but more Kwame.”

“You might get married to Kwame.”

“Don’t even go there.”

“I’ve gone papa.”

“Haha. Hmm. Not unless he changes.”

“Oh please, you were there supporting his trifling behaviour, he’s not going to change.”

Read More You Cannot Do Better

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Dear sweetheart,

I don’t even know you yet, but you should know that I pray for you. I am slowly learning that doing so will always be a part of my life. I pray for your journey with me for nine months and how much bonding we’re going to be doing. But mostly, I pray because I am no longer naïve to the difficulties that pregnancy may come with. Therefore, before you are even conceived, I am praying that your nine-month journey is as smooth as possible.

This will be new for both you and I, and there are so many mistakes I’m going to make. You’re going to have to forgive me. It’s not really like you have a choice, you’re stuck with me. Speaking of being stuck, please know and understand that there will be times when I cannot stand your fearfully and wonderfully made self, but that does not mean I love you any less.

I love you already.

You’re going to have amazing years of people picking you up and biting your cheeks…Alright, that will just be me. However, once you get past that stage I want you to know this:

Read More Open Letter to My First-Born Child

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“Get you a (wo) man who can do both”

I’m sure everyone and their grandmother has seen the memes with a person in some black-tie attire and some alternative, chill day attire with the caption “get you a so-and-so who can do both. If not, the internet and google are your best friend.

I’m thinking along those same lines, except I’m talking about getting you someone who can do one thing and do it really well.

Someone this weekend talked about the various excuses that Moses came up with when God called him at the burning bush. As in, he was just chilling, having a conversation with THE Lord God Almighty. Instant responses and all, yet he had doubts about how to do the things being asked of him. Can you imagine? You? Of course not, not you.

Iiiiiiii, on the other hand. I can’t say I have had legitimate immediate responses from God, a-la-Moses style. However, there are numerous times in my life where I have questioned how something that has been said or prophesied to me, or even something I have desired in my heart, is going to happen. I know, I know. You’re supposed to leave the “how” to God. However, I’m one of those weird people who likes to know how things are going to happen and whether a, b and c need to be 95 degrees to the left to make it happen.

Read More Get You An Aaron

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I have the unfortunate pleasure of being in that prime age range where a lot of people expect you to be married or well on your way to being married. Ergo, a lot of conversations with people significantly older than me centre on the topic of marriage. I think this is in a bid to give me unnecessary pressure, but I refuse to collect it.

Regardless of this, talking about marriage a lot more lately, I get the opportunity to have interesting conversations about it and what it’s like. Considering that I intend to be married some day, I figure why not ask these people about it. I enjoy finding out what gems each of them have to drop on marriage. Majority of the people who ask me about it are already married and a few are divorced, so regardless of whether it was a failed or successful marriage, I like to engage them in a conversation about what they have learned. It’s always a fun way to flip the conversation.

I haven’t gotten as many “gems” as I had hoped when I decided to start flipping the conversation, but I do have an excerpt from a lady I heard speaking at a conference a few months ago. She wasn’t even speaking directly to me. I believe someone had asked her about her marriage and in her answer she said something that has kind of stuck with me since:

Read More The Ring Doesn’t Absolve You Of…

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