This right here is one of my personal faves from 2013. Come for your data if you dont enjoy it!

Rebecca1

I spotted the most beautiful woman last Saturday. I’d gone for a wedding at the Trade fair in Labadi, and everyone was moving to the reception on the lush lawn close by. Then I saw her smiling as she posed for a picture. There was something striking about her. As cliché as it sounds I felt we’d met before, she looked too gorgeous for me to have forgotten a previous encounter, but I still couldn’t place her.

Half an hour later, after the bride had thrown her bouquet and one of “all the single ladies’ had caught it, I noticed that the seat beside her had become vacant. I’m past the stage where I dilly dally about talking to a captivating girl, missing the chance and bashing myself for weeks after. After all, I have an impressive complimentary card, I’m no ‘likkle buoy’.

“Hi,” I said sliding into the chair beside her “you have the kind of weekend glory that makes the bride seem like a regular weekday.”

“Sorry?” she asked, genuinely baffled

“Ummn” I stuttered “Sorry. I should stop that…ummn, no no, I meant I shouldn’t have said that. I’m terrible at pick-up lines, somehow I imagined that’ll make you smile.” My palms were sweaty and I puffed out air like I’d just jogged a mile. Read More Rebecca & I

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For some months this year, I had problems writing. Not like I was suddenly confused with tenses and was calling her him or they’re their, nothing like that. I just found it incredibly difficult to set time apart and hit you up like i’m doing now. Work has been hectic, adjusting to family man life is still work in progress, but I wont put the blame on excuses. I think something deeper has been at play.

Writers call something ‘writers block’; it’s supposed to be this understandable period of time when your ‘muse’ goes silent and you have little or no inspiration or spark to write something worthwhile. You feel some internal resistance and putting words together feels harder than lifting cement. You give up and watch Game of Thrones then call it a day.

It exists in all fields under different names. At work, you suddenly struggle to do something you could glide through. At school, reading a page feels harder than writing an exam. It all feels like a drudge and becomes quite frustrating. Your ‘A Game’ seems to have taken a sabbatical and the driven you is suddenly suspended in a zero-gravity space. Read More How To Rid Your Head of Rubbish Voices

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You’re something else, you know that? I had a one-episode story when I first wrote this and you drew 5 parts out of me, way to go!

So today, I present you the grand finale of this story I myself have fallen in love with. So much so that, I’ve made a voice recording of the first few paragraphs (you know I hardly do that) Even better, I’ve got an awesome surprise for you at the end of this post! Ok, enough of my brah brah brah…here’s where we left off last week;

On Saturdays, they usually gave each other space for the first half of the day; he’d play morning soccer with the boys, finish it off with squad waakye, return home to nap and work a little before meeting up with her around 4pm for an endless list of possibilities.

On this particular Saturday, whilst he was celebrating his winning goal with the softest wele, a whatsapp came through from Elsie and that’s when he noticed he’d missed two calls from her.

‘I need to dash off to London tonight. Let’s talk when you see this.”

                                                                                                     ***

London or Lapaz? Could it be autocorrect? Who wakes up and suddenly has to be in London? It must be some kind of a joke. Where from this? By the time he got to her house, she was nearly done packing.

“You weren’t kidding?”

“Why would I?”

“Why what’s up?”

“Something urgent, I’ll explain when I return.”

“You don’t expect me to just accept that do you?”

Read More The Steamy Church Romance; Finale +Voice Note!

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The honest plan was to finish this story in one post, but the way things are going, it would have meant keeping you waiting an extra week. Looking at how endangered this would make my life, I’m releasing this now. Here’s where we left off;

“Look. At. Those. Feet!” She said when they were done with him. She wasn’t exaggerating, even he had trouble recognising his feet. “How does it feel?”

“Like fresh air blowing over a santo head for the first time.” They laughed, along with the attendants.

He was about to pay when she stopped him. He insisted. “I let you drive, return the favor.” She complied. They were the last to leave. He couldn’t believe it; in his entire 29 years, he never imagined that his first date (if he could call it so) with someone he felt he could actually like would be at a nail parlour.

She felt peckish, so they stopped for ice-cream at Pinnochios. She chose for him. It was actually nice. She dropped him off at the office.

“Thanks Elsie, for my first ever pedicure. I’m beginning to worry my face now looks like the poor relative.”

She laughed. “You’re alright Yaw. You’re alright.” She revved the engine and drove off.

*     *     *

 “Hey, you coming in today?” Yaw whatsapped

“Yup, but might be a little late.”

“I could save a seat for you.”

“Cool. Thanks :-)”

He walked her to her car after service. He noticed Hans making faces, but swerved him. He wasn’t ready to have an office buddy make things awkward. She had her signature scent on; La Vie est Belle. It made him linger when they hugged. She plucked herself, smiling.

She thought of him as she drove home. The old Elsie would never have given Yaw a chance…but time changes, so do people. He was such a good boy. He looked like he could be a bad boy, had the fashion sense of a cool dude, but he was a pure breed. He didn’t play games. He wasn’t rushing into her skirt, but he wasn’t as lively and boisterous as she was used to, and yet these were the same reasons why she felt drawn to him.

“Confused girl!” she said to herself. Then a chill run through her heart. If they did stand a chance, then there’d come a time when they’d come clean and debrief each other on their pasts. She shuddered. Read More The Steamy Church Romance IV

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Hi Fam, we’re on track! Here’s where we left off last week;

“Ei thiiissss guy.” Hans said, snapping him from his trance. “So this be why you come church eh.”

“Oh commot for there. You not hear that verse before? Seek ye first.”

“Yoo, you dey there den  dey tell me ‘Seek ye first.’ E be Elsie you go seek first?”

“Why you know am?”

“Me I not go talk anything o.”

“Eeenh, make you not talk, what?” With that, he changed the subject, they talked about other things, and parted ways.

Yaw saved the number, full of hope and excitement. The future was pregnant with possibilities.

“Sorry God” he apologised once more “For saying ‘shit”   

***

III

“Hi, Elsie?”

“Yes?”

“How’re you?”

“Who’s asking?”

“Yaw…you gave me your-“

“oh yes, I remember. Hi Yaw, how’re you?”

“Honestly?

(giggles) “Yes, honestly.”

“Nervous”

“Www..why?”

“Be-be-because…because I’ve done something incredibly risky.”

(sighs in deep interest, mutes the TV) “Risky?”

“Yes”

“Tell me”

“I’ve let myself like you to much too soon when this could go all kinds of ways and…and…and I’m aware that telling you this could make things very awkward and possibly end this conversation prematurely.”

(long pause) “so…why did you choose to tell me?”

“I was suffocating”

giggles

“I’m the kind of guy that, well, I don’t know how to mince words. I don’t face my fears because I’m brave; the dread of being haunted is worse.

(almost whispering) I’m a fear?”

“Yes. No, not like that (sighs) I feel better now.”

“What, you’re over me already?”

“No, not that. It’s the burden of needing you to know. It’s lifted now.”

(pauses. for long) “What’re you doing now?”

“Fooling myself.”

(amidst a laugh) “How?”

“I’m in the office, trying to work, knowing full well I’m too distracted to.”

“Myyyyyy Mr, Yaw fear seems to bring out the best in you.”

he laughs

“But work on a Saturday night, that’s pathetic”

“I know”

“Where’s your office?”

“Labone”

“I see. I’m heading out, to do my nails in Osu. WhatsApp me your location, I might pass by.” Read More The Steamy Church Romance III

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When I started, I had no intention of writing a part 2. And now there’s a part 3 coming up next week! See how you get me weak in the knees? lol. Here’s where we left off;

She laughed “Sorry, I don’t give my numbers out like that.” With that she slid into the front seat of the car. Her friend did same and started the engine. Yaw didn’t see it coming. Something about his disorientation made her feel bad. She rolled her window down halfway “But maybe after the third time I see you in church, I might reconsider.” She smiled as they drove off.

He watched their taillight disappear into the darkness, smiling like a piglet. He started thinking to himself what department in the church to join.

***

II

She was on his mind all throughout the week. She stained his mind. He tried to find her on Facebook. 12 hours went into that search, literally! but her face didn’t show. The more unfindable she was, the more he craved to find her. She didn’t come to church on Sunday, but that wasn’t a shocker; most people came for the Friday night prayer service then went to their own churches on Sundays.

On Friday, he felt what David meant when he said “I was glad when they said unto me…” He was distracted the whole service, turning in the direction of every motion, hoping it was her coming in. She didn’t show. He felt frustrated; he’d been present but absent from the service and missed out on being edified. The person who could have made it all worth it too didn’t show. Bummer! Next Friday was the same. He started to think maybe she was some boga who’d returned to Alabama. Read More The Steamy Church Romance II

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You remember I told you I work in advertising right? Some days back I was in Cape Town to shoot a few commercials for a client. I dare not start on how beautiful the city is, lest this turns into a travel blog. Anyways so my colleague and I went down to the Waterfront Mall, which is…well which is what a mall is actually supposed to be like. I lost like 5 kilos walking from entrance 1 to 3!

There were countless food outlets and I didn’t want to waste stomach space so I asked Google to help me out with the best steak joints around, there was one downstairs to my right. The menu was artistically pasted on a board where they had even explained how they let the meat stay on the carcass for 3 days and then marinated it for 28 days. Myyyy goodness! I thought “They started preparing my lunch last month!” With such a reputation, location, ventilation, matriculation (now I’m just fooling here,lol) the PRICE was to be expected. Read More My Cape Town Brodo Story

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She was the first person he noticed when he entered the auditorium. There was nothing remarkable about the tight blue jeans or navy green top she was in, but there was everything about the body it clad.

Such perfect proportions, such sufficiency, such equilibrium! What a temple! She was fair, but not the induced kind; he’d learnt to spot cream-induced fairness by spotting darker knuckles and inconsistent ‘fairness pantones’. This one was legit. The neckline of her top was a little loose so he could notice a few petals of the rose tattooed at her back. No colours, just black contours. It was a beautiful tattoo.

The usher directed him to a seat four rows behind her. She shared his attention with the pulpit. The worship songs were moving her. She was in the spirit. When she jumped, she wobbled, and he swallowed, then looked up to heaven. Forgive. Read More The Steamy Church Romance.

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I want to talk to you about a skeptic, a fearoo so fearoo he couldn’t have sat through a Karishika movie, a coward and a no body who became one of my favourite Bible characters ever! Gideon’s story is gold to me because it washes so many misconceptions that had filled me with useless fears.

I used to think that doubting God’s promise meant missing it. That if you were believing God for something and for just one aboskitikiti moment, you wondered if He was able or if it would happen then darrisit, aint gonna happen. I used to think that fear meant defeat; that if I feared something, I’d given it power to happen. I had this military no-nonsense approach to faith and fear. It trapped me for so long, making me feel gloomy and vulnerable and paranoid, making me walk on eggshells. I didn’t understand what He meant when He said He understands we’re made of dust. I hadn’t read or understood Gideon’s story. I do now, and I’d like to pay you same courtesy. Can I? If your answer is no po it’s not like I can hear you so oya! Make we just hurry dey go.

When God first hit Gideon up, the man was hiding in a winepress to thresh wheat. That’s like pounding fufu on your bed because you don’t want your land lord’s trouble. He said to him, “The LORD is with you, o brave man.” God’s not dumb or deaf, he could see the man’s heart beating like a corn mill machine. he heard the man scream “Awurade, m’awu!” He still called him brave! 

 

Then He told Gideon to go in his (Gideon’s) great strength and save Israel from the hand of Midian. It was absurd! The kind of command or prophesy that gets you questioning the anointing on a pastor’s life. When Gideon answered with excuses about being the least important in a family from the weakest clan, it didn’t disqualify him. Rather, God answered “…I will help you. You will crush the Midianites as if they were only one man.”

Authors feeling: wawolo!! sosskket! Read More Me And The Old Testament Coward!

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I’ve heard that marriages have broken over toothpaste; husband squeezes from the middle, wife from the bottom, wahala, over. Cutlery recently ended another marriage. Hubby was put off when wife didn’t bring food with cutlery, wife couldn’t believe hubby couldn’t appreciate the effort she’d put into making food and rather focused on cutlery he could get himself also, wahala, over.

Toilet seats, too much salt, milk finishing too quickly have all ended marriages, but the chart topper is kelewele. Kelewele my bredas, kelewele ended a marriage in 2016. Hubby picks up wife after work. En route home, hubby stops by his favourite kelewele joint. He buys GHC 7 with GHC 2 groundnut. She’s not so hungry so doesn’t want one for herself, but he knew she’d pick at his, hence the GHC 7 instead of his standard GHC 5. Read More How Kelewele Ended A Marriage

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