Hi G,

Good morning. I’m in utter awe of you. You’re on a roll these days; keeping me in a permanent mind-blown state. Lost for words, lost in you. So well, you know, I just came to tell you how I feel this morning about your endless goodness. I didn’t come with a request list. If you want ‘do for me’ requests to listen to, well it’s not going to come from me, not this morning at least.

I just wanted to check on you and see how you’re doing. Had breakfast? I’d have made you bacon, but…the cows on a thousand hills are yours and they just wont do. All the trees in the forest of Lebanon aren’t enough to make the kind of barbecue you deserve. Tea? you’d like tea? ah but if the earth is your footstool then I doubt all the sea will fill your teacup, even half way. Read More ‘Rat Poison’ To God

Blog

I know how an orgy goes like. I can vividly describe to you the journey from sobriety to weed-induced highness. I know more about quickies than the originator of the latin root word. I know about infidelity and the nuances of having multiple side-chicks. I know about booze and making punches that knock you out. I know the right words to say to move from brother zone to ‘use me how you please’ zone in one week. I know all these things because I know how to pay rapt attention when it’s story time.

I have my fair share of pious shpiritos sanctus friends, but I prefer those who’ve also been around (NB: Don’t try this at home. It may backfire for you) . I know boys who’ve done things! I know girls who tell me stories they cant ever tell their husbands. Stories so graphic ‘mills & boons’ would pass for a Bible story. So I thought a lot about how come all these people keep confiding in me with all these scandals. Why me? And then I unraveled it. The main ingredient is; Stay calm. Act amused, never surprised. It makes them comfortable talking. I wont tell you the other ingredients because I’m not sure how you’ll use the skill. In fact, I’m writing this minutes after a one hour session of real real stories that brought me super close to losing my signature calmness. Whaaatttt, if I tell you details, I risk turning this from edifying to arousing…but what the heck? Read More Bad Fineboy Confessions

Blog

She’s had sex with more men than she can count. People’s husbands, boyfriends and brothers were her play things. Her name means proud, quarrelsome. In Jewish folklore, her name means ‘mythical sea monster’, the demonic angel of the sea. And yet still she was the one who helped the Israelite spies when they went to scout Jericho. She was the great grandmother of our Messiah Jesus Christ. How?

Rahab’s story is incredibly fascinating. Her bed was stained by the libidos of numerous men and you know the more shocking part? Her parents, siblings and their families either lived there as well or very close by. I mean…HOOOWWWW?! Read More Saved By An Ashawo!

Blog

I used to have a gentleman’s agreement with the devil; I’ld stay out of your business so you stay out of mine. Whilst the trouble-seeking Christian sings about trampling on you, I’ld whistle and look the other way. When the rebellious prayer warrior asked us to clap as if we’re slapping you, I’ld just pocket and say the Lord’s Prayer. I’ld break no bottles, curse you not or address you directly, I would just talk to God about Him and me. In exchange, don’t get funny ideas with or for me. Don’t set your gaze on me or mine…and we’ld be fine.

Those were the days. I didn’t understand why praying meant hunching your back, making funny facial and hand gestures and shpicking the engrish in a shertain kindsha waayy! With a certain characteristic huskiness in the voish. Are you wish me shambady? Like bro, take a chill pill. Why’re you going on to provoke someone who hasn’t done anything to you personally? What if he responds and thinks I’m in on it with you? lol. Those were the days. I realise now how you…ummn ‘lose yourself’ as you get deeper. The audacity that empowers you to take on things that frightened you, the realisation that you cant broker peace with the one whose thirst is only quenched by your spiritual demise.

I also used to wonder about those strange things ‘some way’ people say in prayer. People who couldn’t commit to studying latin and hence concocted a punch of syllables in their mind, spoke it and called it tongues. Why not just speak plain language? Why must you try to do something to make it look like you’re better than the rest of us? Will the rest of us miss the mark because we cant sound funny? Those were the days. Read More I’m Bilingual; I Speak English and Tongues!

Blog

Some time back there was this funny meme going round saying; Imagine you suffered on earth only to get to heaven for God to tell you “My son, I have no issues with blood money sakawa or fraud. I wont have held it against you kraa.” There was a picture of the guy holding his head in ‘Awwurade madi nkwasiasem!!’ style.

Of course it’s joking stuffs but I feel the imaginary cringe and pain that comes with realising you’ve denied yourself pleasures you could have enjoyed without consequences. Like when Solo said he’d seen slaves on horsebacks whilst Princes walked like slaves. Imagine that abomination! You were begging for a spoonful of the jollof meanwhile it’s yours o, but you don’t know so you’re surprised by your brother’s ‘kindness’ when he agrees to ‘share’ it with you. Chaiiii!

This 2018, my greatest prayer for you is to know yourself, who you are, what’s yours and whose you are. Not in terms of whether you’re from Ghana, Haiti or any of the other countries that made it to the infamous sh*thole list, but rather, what does your heavenly citizenship mean? Where do fear and anxiety come in vis a vis your identity as a citizen of a holy nation, royal priesthood and a peculiar people. Imagine you had an I.D card or LinkedIn profile that read for title; Member -chosen peculiar people, royal priest hood and citizen of a holy nation.’ What access and connection does that give you?

Imagine an actual diplomatic passport proving you are a citizen of the Holy Nation. Where would you need a Visa to? See I’m just trying to provoke you to imagine life with a correct sense of your identity.

My favourite and self-assigned official verse for 2018 says “If you believe Jesus is the Messiah, you are a child of God….Every child of is able to defeat the world. Our victory over the world is by means of our faith. Who can defeat the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the son of God. Read More Identity Check; Where’re You From?

Blog

She is beautiful, enchantingly beautiful. I looked into her eyes, smiling.

“Why?” She whispered “What’s the smile for?”

I sighed “You won’t understand.”

“No tell me Ben, please do.”

“I was just thinking how hard it’ll be for you to find true love.”

“What do you mean?” With a grimace

“You’re too gorgeous for your own good. Men of all looks, shapes and sizes have come and will come after you. They will use everything in their power to get you. Some will sacrifice years to win you. But it’ll be incredibly difficult to tell between the one who loves you for real, and the ones who love you for your body. Sometimes he has no idea it was your body he was after rather than your heart and only realises this after he dismounts, breathless and flaccid.

For me, there’s no better metaphoric expression of God’s love for you, than the way a man will do anything to get a girl he’s locked on. He will strategize, play the fool, woo your friends, buy pizza for everyone on your contact list, ’coincidentally’ be in your neighbourhood or office area very often, throw buffets and gifts at you. Heck he’d even go to church with you, at the risk of being delivered. Your ‘NO!’ spurs him on. You block his number, he calls with another. He smiles at your disses and endures your tantrums. He throws himself at your disposal and relishes running errands for you. He’s never in a hurry. A guy was still wooing my friend after 10 years! Even after your wedding, he has no problem being your side boo, inspired by the rampant spate of divorces. He gotchu. It’s the intent that’s difficult to tell. When a guy does all this, is it for the cookie or for the love? Read More For The Cookie, or For The Love?

Blog

I wasn’t born in a rich home. Of all the miracles Jesus performed, one of the ones that least impressed me was sharing 5 loaves and 2 fishes among thousands; my mum did it all the time. She’d share three table spoons of ideal milk among 8 giant bowls of tom brown and make it look like all of our porridges were drowning under milk. If that isn’t a miracle, i don’t know what is!

But coming from my kinda background, you tend to hate Adam more. The reality of a hard life just pushes you to this point where you cant fricking understand why that fricking man couldn’t say no when Eve brought the Apple! I mean juicy spare ribs or pork chops would have been a more worthy temptation, but apple? Seriously apple?!!! I have three rotting in my fridge right now! Read More Leave Adam Alone!

Blog

We all have something we’re addicted to or have been addicted to before. Just so we’re on the same page, let me explain what I mean by addiction; it’s anything that defeats your self-control. Anything you do whether or not you want to. Addictions are no respecters of religious status. Pastors are probably the most addicted to pornography. No kidding, I’m not sure if it was a Kenneth Hagee sermon, but he was talking about how a certain plush hotel reported the highest viewing of paid pornographic content during a major pastoral conference.

So no one is exempt from addictions merely because of his or her theological qualifications. People aren’t as righteous as you think o, that’s why your faith shouldn’t stem from a man you deeply respect; you’ll discover a shameful addiction or scandal he’s embroiled in and suddenly your whole faith will be shaken and compromised. Everyone’s eyes should be fixed on God, not any intermediary. 

A major stupid consolation addicts give is ‘Even Paul said the thing he wished to do, he didn’t do, it’s rather the things he doesn’t wish to do that he does.’ Or ‘the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.’ So it’s not so big a deal if I succumb to my weakness, after all isn’t it in my weakness that His strength is made perfect? Let me fool around and give grace the opportunity to work. My broda, there is a difference between weakness and addiction. Not all weaknesses are sinful, but every addiction is. For example you have a weakness with fasting and praying, it just doesn’t come easy (if at all) to you…now that’s not the twin brother of having a sexual weakness where you have to sleep with different people to feel ok. My sister that’s not the thing Paul was talking about oo, don’t try to ‘pri draw’.

An addiction is a sinful weakness, it forces you to make a god of things, replacing God as numero uno in your life. The worst kinds deprave your body (which is the temple of the Holy Spirit). Don’t cling to any half truths to make it like it’s normal. Like Peter lied and denied Jesus but he got post, David chopped someone’s wife and he’s a legend…don’t dwell on any thought that numbs your conscience and makes you accept the thing that treats you like its ummm….hmm (asem oo), treats you like its…female dog. Yes, female dog, let’s take it like that. The first step to dealing with any addiction is coming to the point where you decide “It’s not ok, I hate this thing, I wanna stop!” Read More The Reason For Your Addiction.

Blog

I think the saddest thing is when someone meant to be outstanding compromises and dilutes his passion and energy just to fit in. I watched this interesting social experiment where at the sound of a bell, everyone in a hospital waiting area stood up for a second and sat again. All but one of the people in the waiting room were participants in the experiment. The whole point was to see what that one person who was clueless of it all would do. She stood, and sat, and stood and sat- at first reluctantly, and then willingly, to the point that when it was just her remaining, she continued to stand at the prompting of the bell. When new people came in, she alerted them to do same. She so completely fit in!

What about those of us made to stand out? Those of us who are extraordinary by design? Those of us with talents and gifts to change how people live? I’m not talking about aliens or some strange people, I’m talking about you, the child of God! Our heritage as children of God is to be salt (aka the outstanding) and light (aka extraordinary) of the earth. So it doesn’t matter what you do for a living, you have it in you to be impactful! Read More Forgive me, I tricked you.

Blog

Everything can be justified these days. As Ravi’s said several times “There is nothing so vulgar left in the human experience for which we cannot fly in some professor from somewhere to justify it.” Side-chics, masturbation, even the Swedish church revising the usage of pronouns in the Bible so that God is more gender-neutral and the Bible is more gender-inclusive (no kidding! Real stuff) Asem ooo!

But the thing that caught my attention the most is a video making the rounds about a frustrated local school teacher, teaching some primary school kids ‘The Advantages of Corruption.” I’ve posted it here for your viewing pleasure. Read More Advantages of Corruption!

Blog