Too Late To Love Me Back.

bismarkYou know how you can be so sure that you don’t want something? That you’re better off without it? and then the second it slips through your fingers, you feel the emptiness, and in just an instant you are so absolutely certain that that’s all you ever wanted and can’t imagine how  you could have been how you were when you were wishing it were gone? Well it happened to a friend of mine…her boyfriend,and I’m gonna let her tell you herself.

*     *     *

So I’m 13 years old and my cousins are having a party, my cousins are twins, and I too have a twin. We were like quarters of each other, but my sister was the bigger half of us two; has always been, is and always will be. At this party there was a boy. I’ve always known whassup, right from my Morning Star days, I found it rather awkward that this gorgeous guy would shut me out totally. Beyond the time when my cousin introduced us, he didn’t so much as ask my surname. So it’s pretty strange that he remained on my mind over all the other guys I had bugging me even at that age.

We met once or twice afterwards within that year, he didn’t change, never made an attempt to know me better. I was disgusted, romantically disgusted, I concluded he was a pushover, he pushed my heart over, but I was a child, I had my whole life to live, and in a matter of time he faded out of my heart, and then my mind and then my life and then I grew up.

It’s been over a decade now, and I have a couple of exes up my sleeve, and the one I’m with now just might join the rest soon. It hasn’t always been like that. When Joe and I started out, he wasn’t the perfect guy. He smoked from time to time, had his fair share of weaknesses, but I was prepared to give him my life, to love him no matter what. I was prepared to find humor in his jokes even if there was none, to put wisdom in his stupidity, so they were all right. I was prepared to go the whole nine yards, I really was.

Over these months he’s broken up with me thrice. Not once or twice but three times in one year; the first time I cried, wept my heart out. The second time I begged, I begged him to come back. The third time he just came back. Each time, it started with him telling me he wanted a bit more space. He changed me, made me feel it was alright to have a boyfriend you saw only a couple of days a month. Made me feel it was alright to go out with your man and just watch him chat and get along with his friends and find my own company. We could be in the same place; he with his guys, me with my girls, and he made it seem improper to come over and whisper cute things into his ears and act like we were together. Saying I love you became kinda too mushy.

We became a regressed kind of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett; Dating But Available (DBA). And I took all of that, I even managed to find some romance in it, pathetic huh? He did the most abominable thing though; caused a rift between me and my other half, and for four months I wasn’t speaking with my twin, can you imagine how impossible that was? But I continued to love him. My mum never interfered, she left the bigger decisions to me- I had to be responsible for them, and I decided to continue to be with Joe, I’d put in too much of me to pull out just like that…or so I thought.

*        *       *

too lateOne day I go on facebook and there’s a friend request. The name is so familiar, almost rings a bell, I look through his pictures and viola! It’s my childhood sweetheart, the pushover guy. So I accept it then he sends a message, then I reply then we start to chat. Then I ask why he was so rude then, then he explained that he was shy- he was intimidated by my gorgeousness. My gorgeousness?! (weak knees). His way of being romantic was limited to shyness- I thought it was cute. He asked if I was seeing someone, I said no. I said no! I wasn’t, and I didn’t feel guilty, I felt 13 all over again.

His jokes were funny, I dint have to fake my laughter, and he was witty, and he was soo cute with dimples and pink lips and all, almost as cute as Ben, this Ben (lol, that’s me talking), but he’s so far away, way across the Atlantic. The funny thing is even from so far away, his warmth is more tangible than a hundred Joes crowding me up. I steal time at work to talk to him during the days, and in the nights, we talk till dawn. Joe doesn’t know there’s another guy, how would he? He never calls, well…hardly, so he could never be on call waiting.

My childhood crush is already talking of walking down the aisle, the same place Joe said we should wait and see if we could get to. I can’t have enough of him, he lights me up like I was an electric bulb and he had my switch at his disposal, and he’s coming home this February!

I haven’t broken up with Joe, I’d like it to fade out naturally. And now when I ask for space he’s calling all his friends to talk to me, calling his friends o, the irony! And just yesterday he came to take me out for lunch(and it wasn’t even any special occasion like Christmas or HIS b-day), he’s been calling too, very unlike Joe. Though he never got along with her, Joe’s trying to now get closer to my sister, now of all times! If this isn’t a guy fighting for something he doesn’t know he’s lost yet then I don’t know what it is. The way I see it, it’s a bit too late to love me back, I’m wondering how long it’ll take for him to figure it out, and it better be before December!

*        *       *

Talk about Drama people, this is it! Let me take this chance to tell all the guys reading; if you run into troubles with your woman, it’s her siblings and closest friends who’re gonna be the best people to fight for you. The day you lose the friendship of your girl’s brother or sister or friend is the day the end of you two begins, so show some love, please! Don’t throw a pearl just to go chasing after it.

 I’m finding that the lives of my friends tell the most intricate stories. So if you know I know your story, watch it! lol

PS: Share this post. So someone else can enjoy it too.

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23 Comments

  1. MayD said:

    hmm…the stories of our lives…
    this Joe sounds so much like my *** i could say it was him…just hoping a Ben comes along soon, or Joe comes around sooner…wishes!

    May 27, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      You have no idea MayD, he’s probably wishing the same thing right now and you guys are just a few ‘random happenings’ from a ‘hello’…keep me posted 😉

      May 28, 2016
      Reply
  2. nana akua said:

    lovely piece

    May 27, 2016
    Reply
  3. Precious said:

    Hmmm… Everything has an end. Sorry Joe! Lol

    January 12, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Lol, yup sorry Joe!

      January 15, 2016
      Reply
  4. Anna said:

    I think my story will actually be a series the day i decide to tell it…

    March 16, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Share Anna, dooo shhaaarree!

      March 16, 2015
      Reply
  5. NAA said:

    OMG!!!
    This is actually romantic.
    So you ditched Joe, and how did it go with ‘childhood sweetheart” when he came this past december?

    January 24, 2015
    Reply
  6. Robby said:

    i absolutely love it. Almost as cute as you huh? that’s how i know this is not my story, i’ve not met anyone almost as cute as you yet 😉

    February 13, 2014
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      I quickly edited your name from Bobby, so people know we mean straight business here 🙂 lol, but I dare say your ‘fake permed hair’ gives me a run for my ‘cute money’

      February 13, 2014
      Reply
  7. Sua said:

    As always what goes around comes around…hmmm better watch it cos yankee guy myt still not b de same shy guy u knew a decade ago.

    February 5, 2014
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      True!The Ghana boy’s yawa is dimming the spotlight that could have found issues on him. Ripple effects…

      February 6, 2014
      Reply
  8. victim said:

    Interesting stuff. Siblings and besties will hold u down always. U ehh if I Tk ur advice and it backfires ee…

    February 5, 2014
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Lol, i doubt it will, but as God dey, it’s only going to get better, you’ll see.

      February 6, 2014
      Reply
  9. Karolinka said:

    Indeed, very relatable! I hope she makes the right choice and remains happy…

    February 4, 2014
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      What would you have done differently Karol?

      February 4, 2014
      Reply
  10. David said:

    Really interesting read as always. Vividly relatable to.

    January 29, 2014
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Heya Dave, expatiate. Tell the story that makes this so easy to relate to 🙂

      January 31, 2014
      Reply
  11. Nathalie said:

    Awww, reminds me of a situation….hm

    January 28, 2014
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Share Tilly, do share 🙂

      January 29, 2014
      Reply
  12. Kwadwo Bonsu Boateng said:

    Hmmmm..deep stuff. Got me reflecting

    January 28, 2014
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      lol, very fulfilling reflections they must be 🙂

      January 29, 2014
      Reply

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