I know no other girl as bubbly, warm and smart as my Senegalese friend Celine. Small wonder we became good friends after just one semester in Legon. Recently she was in Ghana on a work-related visit, so we met up for lunch. It had been so long since I last saw her, so our conversation transgressed all topics, till something about sexuality came up.
“I’m not a virgin” she said casually as she tore off a slice of the four-seasons pizza we’d been enjoying (it was terrific Tuesday). “Really?” The naughty in me couldn’t hold back the urge to hear the details.
“I was raped.”
I cringed, blinked sporadically and felt my tongue grow thick and cold. For the first time in the six years I’ve known her, she had me utterly agape with the story she told me.
“Senegal is a lot different from Ghana. I started working in a bank when I was 17. I got the job because I was fluent in French, and multi-linguals were on high demand; irrespective of age. I looked up from my desk one Wednesday afternoon to find a gorgeous, not-really-tall, but innocent looking heart throb standing there in need of some help. We became friends easily. We started talking from time to time and met up once or twice. I should have suspected he had other interests, but mah-myy, the guy looked so angelic.
A large part of Senegal has no reliable electricity, so 80% of those who can afford it fully rely on generators. One time, I forgot to get diesel for our generator and my brother and folks were out. It was so dark I couldn’t even see my hand when I stretched it. The pitch-black darkness had me feeling very uneasy, so when my phone rang and it was this cutie on the line, I was strangely delighted. I told him about the scary darkness and how kinda scared I was. He told me not to worry at all, and that he was in the neighborhood, so he’ll come for me and send me to his end, where there was light.
I was delighted and thought how great a friend he was. He did come for me, and he did send me to his house. It was just us. That was the last night of an 18-year virginity. I swear I didn’t see it coming. As if the rape wasn’t good enough, he verbally abused me. He didn’t need threats to keep my mouth shut, the humiliation, stigma and the feeling that I’m probably to blame did the job for him. Two years later he bumps to me in the middle of the street, kneels down in tears and begs for forgiveness. Imagine that!! Since then, I’m even more wary of the innocent-looking ones.”
I looked at Celine with mixed emotions; rage especially. I was angry on her behalf. But it was pointless; her talking about it was proof that she’d finally gotten over it…6 years later, after feeling so dirty and unworthy of any decent guy.
So now to the real crux of this post; first aid responses to a potential rape situation. This essentially depends on the guy standing before you though.
It’s not always smart to be gidigidi, sometimes a calm and controlled response from you could turn him off quicker than he got turned on. I have a friend -Maame, who’s a master of this response.
Unannounced, some guy starts groping her, and reaching for her lips. She just stood there cold, like a log with the most disgusted look on her face (not frightened). She looked at him like how a mother would look at her 12-year old son she’s caught watching porn.
When for a brief second he caught the look in her eyes, she turned and spat on the floor. “Are you done?” she asked him. The way she asked it, the tone and the wording, it psychologically overpowered him. It was like finding out that the girl you thought was hot and vulnerable is actually your mother’s elder sister. Usually guys who this’ll work on are the ones who mistakenly think that by forcefully initiating a make-out, your initial protest will turn into unbridled passion. For those guys, you’ve got to find a way to overpower them psychologically. Their lust is fueled by the impression of you as a luscious prey. If you demonstrate psychological superiority, he will get confused and hopefully lose his nerve.
If that doesn’t work, he’s probably not a newbie, and definitely more aggressive and determined.
For a guy like that your mummy-look won’t do him shele! Tell him to hold on one minute. He would. The way he sees it, he’s gonna lay you anyway, so if all you need is a minute to catch your breath, why not.
Take a wild guess and choose something that will most likely drive straight through to him. With most guys it’s their career, future wife and kids, or church or parents, etc. Humans are naturally selfish, so instead of begging this guy incessantly and explaining why you are not deserving of this, you should rather paint him a picture of what will inevitably happen to him after he’s done having his way. He’s shut out reason, but with God, you could make him see. You aren’t threatening, merely enlightening. Take this sample scenario for eg.
You’re lying under him, exhausted and breathless. Frightened, but controlled. In gasps, you say in the firmest, most convincing voice “Sammy, you are stronger than me. No matter how much I fight, in a few minutes, you’ll have succeeded in raping me. But then, what after? No matter how good the orgasm is, it won’t last longer than 5 mins, then what after? Just yesternight I spoke with your mum (even if you’re lying, find a way to bring his favorite parent into the convo) Think of the relationship between your parents and mine. Think of church…will you ever be able to talk to God?
If you don’t have the nerve to kill me and stain your hands with my blood and become a murdering rapist, you can be sure that this won’t be a secret. Some long time from now, your 12 year old daughter’ll find out about this, how’ll your children look at you?
Will the woman you actually fall in love with and marry be able to look in your face again? That’s even if you don’t go to prison and become some ugly guy’s bitch. You’ll never be able to hold a meaningful job in your lifetime, and at best, you’ll be an easy target for blackmail. At least three people knew I was coming to see you.
It’s not too late, this doesn’t have to happen. Fine, I’ll have a little difficulty getting along with you if you get off me right now, but it won’t be last forever. But this’ll remain between us, I swear it. If you get up now, I’ll still cry a bit, but we could still be friends and I won’t tell a soul. I’ll respect you because you respected me enough to save me this humiliation. So please think very carefully before you make the next move.” ….or something like that.
If that doesn’t work, you can try my friend –Connie’s- style and find a broken bottle/weapon of some sort and mean your threat!
If that doesn’t work, then the rapist is probably a professional, retarded psycho who does this for the same reason you facebook.
Obviously, you should be praying in all these cases, but if all else fails (which I hope not), pray loudly, even in tongues. Pray for the guy on top of you, his family, let him hear you pray loudly. Bless him and the works of his hand. For peace and happiness, for his salvation, travail my sister, travail!!…I can’t imagine him going through with it…except he’s the devil himself with a human erection! Even that sef… light drives out evil.
I’m sure you noticed this post concentrated on how to act on the spot. But if u got any extra tips and suggestions about how to get out of that spot, or even prevent it…please share.
PS: Share this post. A thousand girls will be grateful.