Many of the girls you’re friends with have either been raped before or have had a close encounter with it. Some barbaric, out-of-control dude whose gray matter resides not in his head, but has been liquidized and deposited in his testes has taken liberties with so many of our girlfriends. I think it’s serious. Seriously sad.
The ambitious thing I’m going to try to do -based on stories heard and articles read- is to put myself in a rapists mind and evaluate you. I’m hoping that in knowing how ‘rapeable’ you are and adding to the few suggestions I’ll make you’ll never be a victim of even a near-rape experience.
I have many friends who have been in rape situations, a few narrowly escaped it. You know what’s amazing? the culprits weren’t random strangers o, they were friends. Point number one is; watch out for the strange Psychos, but watch your guy friends even more, especially the ones you’ve turned down before.
By the time a guy’s willing to defy all common sense and steal your flower (as Monica in F.R.I.E.N.D.S will put it), he has mentally undressed you a couple of times, probably fantacized and masturbated with the images of you in his mind. Having sex with his visual images of you has gotten boring. The several semi-nude photos of you he downloaded from face book have also lost their excitement. It’s time to have you. Don’t be too quick to say “Ooo Joe’ll never think of me like that.” Fine, Joe may never resort to rape, but the fact that he secretly checks out your great body means there’s a great chance that dude has taken your top off in his mind.
Maannnyy guys do that, so many it approaches normality. If you’re always covering eevverryyy bit of your body, in his mind, he’ll just put you in a bikini and make you jog down a beach at sunset in slow motion. The problem isn’t with a guy mentally undressing or redressing you, it’s when he becomes obsessed with it. Knowing this is a tool I’ll teach you to use in a bit.
I hear many girls say “O, as for me, most of my guy friends are guys who’ve asked me out before and I told we could only be friends” watch it! Yes, it’s mature and really cute that you can make good friends of aspiring lovers, but NEVER forget that they desired more than friendship some time past. There’s no art for accurately telling when a guy is over you, not even if he’s married to another woman. You go and lie lie him and see if he wouldn’t stand up downstairs at a speed his wife wasn’t able to command even on their wedding night. So point 2 is; Never treat a guy friend (especially if he’s loved you before) like he was gay. He just might prove you wrong. The following real-life incident proves it.
This guy, Jack (lol, no pun intended) asked my friend Aba out. He wasn’t her taste so it wasn’t difficult to turn him down at all. He pestered and pushed, but eventually gave up and became a ”good friend”. He became so good a friend that he even ‘fell in love with Aba’s roommate and asked her to help him woo her, which she did. In a short while, Jack’s new girlfriend was Sarah, Aba’s roomie. She felt really good about being the matchmaker.
In a bit, Jack started calling Aba complain about Sarah, and how she was frustrating their relationship. Aba was glad to be a counselor to two good friends. By this time, Aba and Jack were such good friends that their parents had became friends. On weekends, the route he used to get to get to the park he and his friend played soccer on led past her house. So they met often.
One Wednesday night Jack called Aba to bitterly complain about Sarah. He was basaaa. He spoke in a faint, distraught voice “Chaa Aba, we have to talk o. please come over. Sarah’s worrying me. I need to talk to you.” She explained that it was late, so she’ll come over the following afternoon instead, and so she did.
When she got to his two bedroom flat in Adenta by Thursday afternoon, she was sincerely concerned about the relationship she’d helped build. Jack lamented for about 30 minutes about the troubles Sarah was giving him. Then in a sudden change of tone he said “Aba, you kraa, you’re to blame for all this o. You’re the one I’ve always loved. If you hadn’t bounced me, I won’t have been with Ama and all this won’t be happening.” “O, stop talking like that. We need to concentrate on you and Ama and how to make it work”
Before she could say “Jack!” this 6”1 sex-starved man was reaching for her boobs. Aba is cute and petite; no match for an ejaculated Jack. He switched from being sad about Sarah, then to being playful about making out, to being sexually aggressive in less than a minute. For the next thirty minutes Aba fought to keep her virginity intact. The jeans she was in also helped. No plea she made say could stop him; not her screams, pleas nor the chilling fear in her voice. Only God knows how many times he’d fantasized about her before then. Just when he’d nearly ripped her pants off, she calmed down and did the smartest thing.
“Okay, okay, okay. I’ll do it.” “Huh?” he asked breathless “I said I’ll sleep with you. I will. But I’m thirsty. This struggle has drained me. Let me get some water from the fridge, so we get this done and over with.” Because he knew he’d locked the door and there was no way of escape, he agreed and got off her.
Sweaty and shaky, she went to the fridge that stood in the corner and looked for the biggest bottle. Then with all the rage and venom she could muster, she smashed the bottle against the wall and announced “I swear that before you get into my pants I’d have stabbed you at least three times with this broken bottle. I’ll kill you if I must!”
She wasn’t bluffing. She told me she would have. Luckily for him, he believed her. By the time he was unlatching the lock, sanity had started pouring on him like rain. “I’m so so sorry” he chorused. Nothing was ever the same again. When she left, he was tortured by what her next line of action would be. He didn’t know if she’d tell her parents. Would there be a court case? Would the church hear about it? What about his future? Would Aba talk to someone? To make matters worse, she wasn’t picking his calls. Shame marked him permanently. To date, I’m the second person Aba has told.
I dont know if you picked any cues, because there actually are quite a number. In the next post (later this week) I’ll narrate the second less-fortunate scenario and bullet all the cues from both stories. My earnest prayer is that when it’s done, you’ll know all the precautions to take so you’re never in this position.