Okay…so it’s been a while (Understatement of The Year, I know). Life and Work got me busy and caught up with stuff so I haven’t been able to write anything for quite a while…until this piece practically walked up to me and
asked begged to be written. In the vein of some of my past pieces, it’s a depiction that’s only 50% pure Imagination. I don’t know about all you men who’ll read this , but I’d sure like to be this guy here someday…
Good afternoon Sweetheart.
Okay, let’s hold off on that for a minute. I know you’re getting to see this letter in the future and I’m probably off somewhere with our daughter so you’ve got the house all to yourself for the afternoon – which would explain why you’re rearranging my stuff from way back when, and therefore only just now seeing this letter. (Let’s also skip past how I knew this day would come when you’d read this – maybe I’m precognisant??)
I’m writing this letter to chat with you across space and time because I’ve got no one else I’d like to share these particular thoughts with. Simply put: I’m tired, sweetheart.
I agree, first it was really me. I wasn’t prepared to meet you. I didn’t even KNOW that someone like me could ever really deserve someone such as you; someone so much better. I thought you’d be the most beautiful woman I’d ever set my eyes on , and boy Was I WRONG! I was shocked to realise that you were so much more and I was selling you short for so much less than you were worth.
Let me borrow a line from one of my favourite rappers, Common in Break My Heart: “What happened to me happens to a lot of men…” I got sidetracked along the way. Because I’d catch glimpses of you along the way, I’d just go off half-cocked on a myriad of fool’s errands: I’d see that you were kind and I’d go after the kindest beautiful woman I’d see, and I’d crash; I’d see that you were honest and I’d chase the most honest beauty queen I’d meet, and I’d crash; I’d see that you were strong and I’d go running after the strongest beautiful woman who’d cross my path (though not Gina Carano o, I beg!) and I’d end up crushed. Somehow it never gelled to me that you were ALL that, not just one – you’re smart, kind, understanding, strong, serious, engaging, protective, funny, and Thank God, beautiful! Not just the skin-deep kind, but the kind of beauty that has sunk deep past your skin to your very bones…
You’re a beautiful person with a beautiful body, soul and spirit! I’m sure God was smiling as He hummed along to the Hallelujah Chorus when he made you, adding an extra helping of ‘wonderfully‘ to your mix.
Now, all these false starts led me to doubt your very existence and at some point I gave up hope that you even existed and started going my own way, leaning on my own understanding…
But to be honest, I got some really good duplicates of you coming my way sometimes o (please don’t get offended and take it out on me tonight o, you know you’re the first woman I’ll give my life for and the last lady I’ll ever call my wife 😉 ).
In all fairness however, I learnt some important lessons from them which have made me the better man I am today so I won’t count all that time away from you as a loss. I learnt how to put others first and how to say “I’m sorry“. I learnt to use my words carefully and how to make meaning what I say as important as saying what I mean . I learnt to value myself as a human being and to believe in myself without waiting for outside approval. I learnt how to love freely and honestly. And yes, I learnt how to use body lotion (don’t you just love the way my skin looks so healthy?? Lol!).
But at the end of it all the hole in my heart has never gotten filled, and won’t be so until I meet you – because that hole is ‘you‘-shaped, all three magnificent Vital Statistics of you!
I think I’ll have to start praying for a longer lifespan though because when I try to consider the finite number of times a human heart is supposed to beat in an average lifetime (~2.5 billion, thank you Google!) I must have exhausted not less than that 0.5 billion in total so far whenever my heart has beaten in anticipation of meeting you (alas, in other women’s faces). I’ve wasted much of my heart on loving them and my mind on dreaming of them…but it’s okay today, because I’m keeping the rest for you.
Cliché, I know, but let me tell you that this Broken Road has really done a number on me so far and though I’m tired as hell right now as I pen this letter, I’ll still keep putting one foot before the other on it, Only because it’ll lead right up to you.
If you’ll cast your mind back to when I proposed to you (in your Past, and my Future now), you’ll remember that I said “Now I can stop running“, right? This right here is what I was talking about. I’m so tired of running all over this Road chasing after glimpses of you that I’ll be only too relieved to finally Stop, and take in a fresh airy breath of you.
I’d love to talk with you some more but I’ve got to go boot some lady out of my life who’s trying to impersonate you – she makes me laugh at the thought!
You’re the First of my Last Loves
You’re the one I’ve not Met Yet
– but the One I’m always dreaming about
I won’t dishonor you by settling for Less
Or Cheap, or Easy, or ‘Almost’
I’ll wait for you
Because I want you
Because it’s only you who will do
Because before I meet you I already know you’re mine
– and I’m yours too
You’re probably familiar with the Present Tense (it’s likely you even heard it already today, just before I left with our cute little daughter) but let me say it for the First time, before I say it the Second time when I actually meet you: I will love you.
… Tele, 😉