I used to have a gentleman’s agreement with the devil; I’ld stay out of your business so you stay out of mine. Whilst the trouble-seeking Christian sings about trampling on you, I’ld whistle and look the other way. When the rebellious prayer warrior asked us to clap as if we’re slapping you, I’ld just pocket and say the Lord’s Prayer. I’ld break no bottles, curse you not or address you directly, I would just talk to God about Him and me. In exchange, don’t get funny ideas with or for me. Don’t set your gaze on me or mine…and we’ld be fine.
Those were the days. I didn’t understand why praying meant hunching your back, making funny facial and hand gestures and shpicking the engrish in a shertain kindsha waayy! With a certain characteristic huskiness in the voish. Are you wish me shambady? Like bro, take a chill pill. Why’re you going on to provoke someone who hasn’t done anything to you personally? What if he responds and thinks I’m in on it with you? lol. Those were the days. I realise now how you…ummn ‘lose yourself’ as you get deeper. The audacity that empowers you to take on things that frightened you, the realisation that you cant broker peace with the one whose thirst is only quenched by your spiritual demise.
I also used to wonder about those strange things ‘some way’ people say in prayer. People who couldn’t commit to studying latin and hence concocted a punch of syllables in their mind, spoke it and called it tongues. Why not just speak plain language? Why must you try to do something to make it look like you’re better than the rest of us? Will the rest of us miss the mark because we cant sound funny? Those were the days.
Even now, after years of being able to flow, it kinda feels weird to admit that you do speak in tongues, almost as weird as doing cross-eyes or having a sixth finger. So funny story, my friend was crushing massively on this hot girl in the neighbourhood. like he was crazy about her. And he was smooth like that so over time she started liking him back. He’s one of those bredas with playboy tendencies.
So one Sunday morning bro Mike was leading the church to command the heavens and destroy strongholds in preparatory prayers when he noticed that hot new area girl was entering the auditorium. He had 8 minutes of his 15 minutes remaining, the church was all fired up, it was a tongues galore, everyone was loving bro Mike in his elements, so it was a sudden shock when he said “let’s round up, let’s round up. Please let’s thank God. Father, thank you amen.” Whaaaaaaattt was thaaaaaaatttt???!!! It was either he didn’t want her thinking he was so shpiritwa she’d zone him and it’ll seem blasphemous if he ever got tempted to flirt or that she may think he was one of those ‘weird’ ones. Any which way, he chose her over the tongues that day.
I used to be very conscious of myself, I think I still am a little when I’m around people I’m not like that with. Small prayer nooorrr then I go “Shandaskrabonda baskindera bosonda!” Am I not offending their sensibilities? Am I not offering myself on the altar of weirdness? Wont they become too conscious around me and pass jokes like “osofo is here” when they’re discussing a nice kissing scene? like the epic spiderman one? Meanwhile I like that kissing scene too! So what does a brother do? What does a sister do when she risks enduring the awkwardness that comes with publicly doing something peculiar to a born again Christian? Like suggesting that the office says a prayer on Monday mornings, or exclaims “Thank you Jesus!” when everyone’s gasping “F*ck, that was close!” What does he do when he wants to ask “Have you prayed about it?” whilst everyone’s saying “Dude, you want it or not? Go for it!” What does he do? Do like a ball and bounce?
I say you do like someone who struts down the awards show runway in clothes that only cover her spirit, because she knows her career rests on her sex appeal. I say you do like someone who uses her cleavage to get attention in the same way you use your phone to make calls because she knows she cant live without the attention. I say you do like someone who flaunts the number of girls he’s slept with like luxury cars in a glass garage because that’s where his masculinity gets its lactogen. Flaunt it!
Flaunt your tongues like a 6-pack! Put it in your best jokes. Discuss it casually. Bring it up like you’re talking about this pork joint you just discovered. Make it casual. flaunt it. Because you better than everyone else flaunting body parts, sexual orientation and vain metrics have the right to! Why’re you shy beautiful one? Why’re you shy to spread out those gorgeous wings and soar? Why do you care so much what they’ll think of your spirituality when they don’t care what you think of their vulgarity?
Whatever God has given you as a spiritual gift, don’t be shy to flaunt it. Don’t do it obnoxiously or judgementally. Don’t do it with your nose in the air or with any air of self-importance or superiority, but do it with swag! Do it casually. Do it like you know, we dooooooos this! Be lit! Dolu and spirituality don’t have to walk hand in hand. Flaunt it with style without missing the point. Because at the end of the day, it’s what you have, what we have, that has eternal value. Let ‘em know!
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