The Steamy Church Romance.

She was the first person he noticed when he entered the auditorium. There was nothing remarkable about the tight blue jeans or navy green top she was in, but there was everything about the body it clad.

Such perfect proportions, such sufficiency, such equilibrium! What a temple! She was fair, but not the induced kind; he’d learnt to spot cream-induced fairness by spotting darker knuckles and inconsistent ‘fairness pantones’. This one was legit. The neckline of her top was a little loose so he could notice a few petals of the rose tattooed at her back. No colours, just black contours. It was a beautiful tattoo.

The usher directed him to a seat four rows behind her. She shared his attention with the pulpit. The worship songs were moving her. She was in the spirit. When she jumped, she wobbled, and he swallowed, then looked up to heaven. Forgive.

“Daddy…is this her?” He filled his heart with awe “Did you lead me through Sunday School, YPG, only to bring me here at this age to meet this one? It must be you. You must be behind this.” It was more of an instruction than a thought.

He’d always had a soft spot for long hair, so he was surprised at how smitten he was in spite of her perm cut. It was like she was saying “Looking good with long hair is too easy. Imma rock this short hair and look more stunning than a beauty queen in Peruvian weave.” And she succeeded. Her lips were kissed with a nude lipstick, the makeup was light, except the eye liner that drew out the curvature of her stunning eyes. If only the usher had taken him closer!

“Tehh your neighbour shamtin nice!” the prophet bellowed. She was in-between a friend and an elderly man “What a waste of neighbours!” he thought. How he wished it was he beside her! “I’ll have so obeyed the man of God eh!” She smiled at something, it sent shock waves through him. How couldn’t she know she was having this kind of effect on someone? Was she his salvation or his distraction.

The room was full of blurred out figures, his eyes kept drifting to her, no matter how hard he tried to keep it on the prophet. He realised the pastor had asked the church to stand up and say amen only after she’d gotten up with her right hand stretched up high. If the Holy Spirit Himself had been screaming into his ears, Yaw still wont have heard a thing.

He had to talk to her after service. He just had to. He didn’t know exactly what he’d say, but he had to talk to her. What’s better than finding the woman of your dreams in the house of the Lord.

“Somebody stand and shout eeeeeeiiiiiiii!” the prophet instructed “Now let’s pray, then I’ll minister prophetically and we can be out of here.”

The prayers were heated. Altars were demolished, family curses broken, destiny helpers summoned, The Blood was applied liberally, evil hands chopped off, marriages and blessings released. He was so distracted, and charmed. He’d dreamed for a lady in the streets but a freak in bed, and now as a valuable bonus here was a warrior in prayer.

“Maaaaaaaaiiiii Gaaawwddd!” he screamed in his mind “Shandebaskoronde!” She prayed with so much passion, so much energy. Yaw stopped following the prophet’s prayer topics, he had his own “Father thank you for this one. I just want to thank you. You have done it. Indeed you have. Let nothing put asunder this thing you have already put together. Thank you for taking Ama from my life. I can see that you had a plan for me, and there I was trying to get a come back. Forgive me God, indeed your plans are the best…”

Then the prophet started operating in his gift. He spotted a lady’s breakthrough, identified another with a court case that God assured would go her way. He was on fire! It was a truly rare gift. He walked past Yaw’s lane, he was so scared! “Yieeee this man will see I’ve been fooling in church. He’ll notice my weakness to porn. Father I promise I wont do it again. If you spare me, I’ll honour you. Because if this man spoils me with my future wife watching, I wont survive.”

“You! No you over there, stand up.” He pointed in Yaw’s direction. Yaw put his hand to his chest with a quizzical look on as he stood slowly. God had disappointed him, it was over.

“No not you, the one in the navy blue lacoste, stand up!” It was the guy beside him. Yaw had never been so grateful for mercy. A microphone to his thumping heart would have made the drums unnecessary.

It was good news; Mr. navy blue lacoste apparently had come fatal ailment, but the Lord had flushed it out. The whole church prayed for him, but Yaw prayed in gratitude to God. His head was still bowed when he heard the prophet say;

“Young lady, who is Elsie?”

“I..I am” she stuttered

He paused, observing the unseeable “Are you married?”

“No”

Yaw lifted his head, it was the beauty who had captivated him the whole service. Elsie! wowolo.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

He paused and contemplated. Then he said to no one in particular “We have to pray for this lady. Because in the spirit, she is married.”

Yaw gulped.

“I see a woman in the form of a man claiming you. She’s been following you since you were iiiiiinnn…JSS 3! And if we don’t deal with her, no God-fearing man can stay with you. Sometimes you see her in your dreams, am I lying?”

Elsie had cupped her face with her beautiful hands, she nodded. Tears were streaming down her face.

“Dont cry. We’ll deal with it right now! The devil is a liar.”

The prophet lifted prayers, the church joined in…including Yaw. It was intense, in only two minutes, Elsie had started manifesting. It looked like she’d throw up. The prophet touched her forehead with his anointing-oil-dripping hand. She spiralled and fell. He went on to other people then returned to her.

“It’s done! I see a woman going mad. That evil bird has fallen. You are free.” The whole church joined in applause. “God will use you eh. Listen to me, God will really use you. You will be great, and He’ll give you a good man.”

The church cheered as she smiled. “No, mark it down. If I be a prophet of God, a year by this time we’ll be at your wedding.” She smiled some more “But bring him for check-up eh. When you meet him, bring him and let me check him out. OK?” She was giggling. The church laughed. Yaw sat, sober. He wasn’t sure how to feel.

“I know her o” he heard a lady behind him whisper to a friend beside her. “I’m not surprised. Big big cars are always dropping her at work.”

“Hmm,” her friend answered “Now they’re invading the church o. On assignment to lead people astray and steal peoples husbands.”

You would think the prophet heard; his second stop after Elsie was the kokonsa lady number two. Her womb had been sold on some market, there was no way she could have had children. Her destiny had been swapped. Something visited her in her dreams. She was in great bondage. Same as a lot of people in the service.

Yaw smirked at the irony. It was amusing to him, how church people were so quick to judge and condemn. A person ministered to or delivered was dismissed as an evil person and gossiped about like an outcast. Yet the same people who gossiped had more going on in their lives that no one could see, much worse than the victim of their hurtful words.

As if the prophet was reading his mind, he said “Church, what you must realise is that two generations ago, everyone was an idol worshipper. Your grand parents engaged shrines the same way you engage God today. You sow seeds in church and make pledges, they did same, but their pledges were the marriages of their daughters or the sobriety of their sons or the successes of their grandchildren.

So all of us have backgrounds to deal with. Some people are lucky, their parents have broken those chains, but most of us have to fight so that things that afflicted our parents and grand parents wont afflict us. So if I were you, rather than judging and thinking funny thoughts, I’d pray to God to help me identify the altars that must be broken and wage war. No where cool o, you have to fight off encroachers and secure your promise land. Somebody say amen!”

Yaw shot into the sky and unintentionally screamed a little louder than the church. He sunk into his seat a little embarrassed as the prophet himself even laughed. He took the last sentence in particular to be his prophetic word.

“….and all the saints shall say; AAAAMMMEENNN!” It was 11:12pm and everyone was in a hurry to get to their cars or find excited taxi drivers waiting to end the Friday on a profitable note. Somehow he missed her, he couldn’t identify her again. Oh no! He dashed outside, scooting here, dashing there but Elsie was no where to be found. Then he went back in to double check, she was finishing off a chat with one of the junior pastors.

“Osofo” Yaw said to himself “Dont even try it! Herh. Stop kraa.Anka me and you, we’ll see who will deliver who of what.” Her friend had waited with her. She looked a little dishevelled, but ethereal regardless. He took the lead outside, contemplating the perfect time to say ‘hi’. There weren’t many cars left in the parking lot so he perched on a white Hyundai Elantra and watched from a distance as she drew closer. She was walking straight to him. Like she wasn’t turning left or right, she was walking straight to him, even whispering something to her friend.

“I’m sorry, did I block you?” Her friend asked.

I dont even know you.
I don’t even know you.

He was taken aback, not sure what she meant. As she took out her car keys and unlocked the car remotely, he realised it was her car he was propped against.

“Oh, no no. I parked at the other side. I didn’t know…I didn’t know this was your car. Hm, I was actually waiting, hoping to talk to your friend.”

“Who me?” Elsie asked, stunned.

“Yes dear. sorry, I meant yes please.” The girls smiled “I was wondering if maybe I could have your number? I would like to call you some time. We could share our quiet times, that sort of thing.”

She laughed “Sorry, I don’t give my numbers out like that.” With that she slid into the front seat of the car. Her friend did same and started the engine. Yaw didn’t see it coming. Something about his disorientation made her feel bad. She rolled her window down halfway “But maybe after the third time I see you in church, I might reconsider.” She smiled as they drove off.

He watched their taillight disappear into the darkness, smiling like a piglet. He started thinking to himself what department in the church to join.

PS: Don’t keep! Share…& then subscribe, okay :-)?

54 Comments

  1. Yesmine said:

    I kept laughing all through my colleague had to ask if I was ok. You never disappoint …. Thumbs up

    August 28, 2017
    Reply
  2. Paa Willie said:

    When I started reading this piece, I thought you were talking about me. Because there is this young lady I met in a similar instance however I have lost guard and don’t see her in church anymore. She kept asking me to call her often but I was thinking of her every time and ‘flexing’ as if she did not count in my life. Now see me see trouble. I messed up on church…

    August 17, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Oooohhh chaarrllee, look at that oo, serious slacking. So what’s the way forward now?

      August 17, 2017
      Reply
  3. ur momone'ss said:

    I really enjoyed it. pls we beg waaaaaaaa make wild with the part 2

    August 2, 2017
    Reply
  4. Godwin Namboh said:

    Good laughter. Feels good to be back…patiently waiting for part 2 Ben.

    July 14, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      coming up shortly!

      August 17, 2017
      Reply
  5. akosua said:

    Awwww part two please

    July 13, 2017
    Reply
  6. Sharaun said:

    BenJ please we have missed your stories papa….. Another great piece; we beg be fast with the part 2 otherwise threats will come Inside again😁😬…lol

    July 6, 2017
    Reply
  7. Ababless said:

    I’m cruising and patiently waiting with eagle eyes and drooling lips (like a dog at the sight of a bone) for the follow up. Too much give you. Thumbs up

    July 4, 2017
    Reply
  8. McBen said:

    haha Ben never ever dey disappoint.. the humour alone.. alaugh saa.. the part 2 dier efor drop

    July 4, 2017
    Reply
  9. Ms. Kasim said:

    He should join the ushering department or maybe the choir (that’s if he can sing) lol!

    July 4, 2017
    Reply
  10. Saf said:

    I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. You write really well.

    July 4, 2017
    Reply
  11. Oheneba said:

    You just know how to put it together.
    Such a good piece.
    You’ve made my night.
    Can’t wait for 2

    July 3, 2017
    Reply
  12. Gertrude said:

    Hahaha I can’t stop laughing…. Nice writeup but I need the continuation, Part 2

    July 3, 2017
    Reply
  13. Elorm said:

    smiling like a piglet……
    herh… there shall be a part 2 waa…

    July 3, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Oooorr eelllsseee? 😀

      July 3, 2017
      Reply
  14. McAfui said:

    Hahaha can’t stop laughing… nice write up it looked alot till i finished reading to realise its not even enough… please be quick with the part 2 please…lol still laughing with lessons learnt.

    July 3, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Lol, good to know you picked up a lesson. I’m going to try really hard with the Part 2 .

      July 3, 2017
      Reply
  15. Adjei Kofi said:

    Very good article. Chale part two for drop. Very interesting story. Loved it.

    July 2, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Charle Kofi I go force waaa. You or pray for me.

      July 3, 2017
      Reply
  16. Engyluv said:

    Hahaha..please there should be a part 2.
    Good write up…

    July 2, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Thinking hard about it waaaa.

      July 3, 2017
      Reply
  17. Yaa Serwaa said:

    Hahahhhhhaaaa Bro Yaw nie. Chale Benj part 2 dey anaa?

    July 2, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      lol. No shaking.

      July 3, 2017
      Reply
  18. Asabea said:

    Such a good read!!! Na part two no wo he?

    July 2, 2017
    Reply
    • Yaa Serwaa said:

      lol ikr. Part 2 for dey paa

      July 2, 2017
      Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Wo b3 ma mi sen?

      July 3, 2017
      Reply
  19. Pech said:

    Eiii blaaa, 3noa no no??? Gyae saa koraa…me ne wo y3 fine paa

    July 2, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Hahahahha boys ay3 shi. Let’s see…

      July 3, 2017
      Reply
  20. Esi said:

    True oo… We all have some form of evil altar to break so no need judging any body… But Ben seriously a part 2 shld be on da way oo… Mehn!!! U write so well!

    July 1, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Nooooo judging kraaa

      July 3, 2017
      Reply
  21. Ransford Mensah-Sarbah said:

    Nice story, shows you attend church paaaaa.

    July 1, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Takes one to know one Ransford 😉

      July 3, 2017
      Reply
  22. Elsie Quayson said:

    Coincidence??? Where is Bra Yaw? Where is Ama Adoma??? They need to read this!!!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂.. nice one Ben!!!!! More please!!!!!!!

    July 1, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Eeeiiiii Eelllllssiiieee! Please leave me here norr o lol. You know it didnt even occur to me?

      July 3, 2017
      Reply
      • Elsie Quayson said:

        Hahahahhaaaaa…next time send us a “these characters are not real” warning! 😂😂😂 NEXT EPISODE plixxxxxxxx!!!!!

        July 3, 2017
        Reply
  23. Dzidzor said:

    Lol there has to be a part 2 oo. You can’t leave us like that. Haaa😂😂😂😂
    Anyway the Yaw and Ama break up though 😉 I had to pause and go and ask questions😂😂😂😂
    As always it was a good read. God bless you.

    July 1, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Eeeiiiiiii please dont come and look for my trouble oo Dzidzor. Couple of life paah, it cant come near them.

      July 3, 2017
      Reply
  24. Akubah said:

    ah wait is there a sequel? 😂😂😂😂 don’t do this

    July 1, 2017
    Reply
  25. Akubah said:

    you should’ve added part 1 to the title🙄🙄🙄 now i have to wait.

    July 1, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Hahahahaha, eiii pressure!

      July 3, 2017
      Reply
  26. Darwin said:

    Very interesting. Hope there’s a sequel to this story.

    July 1, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      I hope so too. Fingers crossed 😀

      July 3, 2017
      Reply
  27. Maame said:

    I hope there’s a sequel…you can’t leave us hanging like an elective maths teacher with just one example and a test the following week…hehe…but it’s really interesting

    July 1, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      hahaha, Maame this your one liner sef is making me wonder if you wont be in a better position to write it oo, you not dey see?

      July 3, 2017
      Reply
  28. Abyna said:

    Ben please if this story doesn’t continue herh some serious boycotting paa that will happen gye s3 God comes to intervene.

    July 1, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Eiissshhh, the shaking i’m shaking eh. not small

      July 1, 2017
      Reply
  29. Prorphay Markaffui said:

    Lit!!!
    Eeerrrmmm, I want to believe there’s a part 2, else someone will know it’s not only North Korea that has deadly nukes!

    July 1, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Chhaaarlllleeeeee, pressure paaah o. lol, let’s see…let’s see 🙂

      July 1, 2017
      Reply
  30. Ese said:

    Ben please tell me there’s more of this story. Yaw has got it so bad.
    Haven’t been on here in ages. Glad to be back. I need to catch up on all I missed.

    July 1, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Eeeiiii prodigal Ese, where did you go? If I knew it was Yaw who’d bring you back, I’d have posted this ages ago. Yes, catch up and let me know how you found it.

      July 1, 2017
      Reply
  31. GeneralExcellenceKay said:

    hahahaha… thank you.. great message in the humor… no where cool koraa… check yourself first!! and as usual BenJ hits the right notes!

    July 1, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      The General himself! charle nowhere cool o. Glad you came through bro 🙂

      July 1, 2017
      Reply

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