How To Cheat On Your Wife.

So I’ve been married, what? like two months and I’ve cracked it! I figured out best practices on how to cheat on your Mrs. It’s not rocket science really, and if this doesn’t work, I’m offering a money-back guarantee! See, these days, a wedding ring turns more women on than ripped abs and fake slangs. Just flash that ring and they be like “Oooohh mmyyy, that Mrs. sure is lucky! My goodness. Have you been treating her right? do you make her happy? are you sure? (giggles) really? You wanna show me?”

Last week, my married cousin passed by my office with Naa, our mutual friend. Sam’s a nice guy. Nice, respectable guy. leads Bible study in church but is not an uptight Christian. He has the blackest lips! When we were talking, I couldn’t help but notice the purple smudge on his lip. Naa had gone to use the washroom so it was just us talking. The more we spoke, the harder it became to ignore the smudge on his lip. Naa’s lipstick was purple. Very quickly, my mind connected the dots! So I asked “Wait a minute, Sam, there is lipstick on your lips. How did lipstick get on your lips!?”

His heart missed a beat, but it didn’t show in his calm countenance. He just wiped hard and said dismissively “Oh it’s nothing, just a French way of saying hi.”

I laughed till I choked. “Eeeeeyiii! Gyimitoooottto! French ebaaadzi?! French way of saying ‘hi’. Then how’ll they say ‘How are you?’ Nonsense, but how can you try to BS me? you know i’m too smart for that!”

His face was all kinds of silly.

“My guy, that’s Naa’s lipstick. what if instead of passing here you’d passed by wifee’s office first? we both know she only does lip gloss. What will you have said? It’s not like it was a stain on your shirt po, the fricking girls lipstick is stuck on your lips!”

He kept wiping his lips till black turned pink. “Isssokay my broda, it’s all gone, or you want to clean the memory too?”

That’s just one scenario. I know soo many guys, including people I respect a lot, just swinging it with the side chics, and now me too, I have figured out how to do it well well. It’s simple. Slack in your relationship with God. Just go easy, ignore Him small, get too busy to give him attention for a few weeks. Reduce the amount of time you spend talking to him. In a matter of weeks, you’ll see how incredibly easy it will be to smack some lady friend’s ass, get a french kiss from another and score one with that tight girl who can clearly see you have a ring on.

You know why you’ll do it? Because it will feel fun! FUN! You know why? because the litmus test of what’s fun and what’s wrong has moved from your bedside to the trashcan, and God is just the guy you go to to help you with the guilt when the ‘fun’ is gone.

Guys who say “I’ll never cheat on my wife, I’m not like that. I don’t have it in me.” They make me laugh. Or ladies who say “My guy loves me, he’ll never hurt me. He wont betray me.” You don’t know what you’re talking about! Fidelity is not the result of morality or self control. Character, will power, a clean track record and moral uprightness will melt in the face of the perfect cleavage. The only hope is the Holy Spirit.

I tell the Mrs. “See I love you o, but if I remain faithful, it’s not so much out of my love for you as it is out of my reverence for God. I have a reason bigger than you to keep my zip locked and the most effective thing you can do to ensure I never cheat is to pray for my relationship with God to always stay sharp.”

We are all capable of the unthinkable. It is the Spirit that keeps us sane and in check. God’s spirit is soooo precious! When you are sensitive to Him, really really genuinely sensitive to Him, you cant even enjoy an ungodly erection. When you’ve tasted the sweetness of God’s peace and basked in the awesomeness of his relationship, the dread of missing out on that surmounts the dread of hurting your wife or the urge to engage side chics.

So don’t take your man’s promise to never cheat for it. Don’t relax because ‘it’s not in his nature’. Don’t think that your doggy skills have put a leash on him. Pray and shine your eyes. And if you’re reading this and there’s some wicked side chic on your case, my broda, it will cost you more than it will please you.

Let it go.

PS: Don’t keep! Share…& then subscribe, okay :-)?

33 Comments

  1. Lee said:

    “I have a reason bigger than u to keep my zip locked….” The difference between a good man and a born again Christian man. If only men will lay aside their egos and let THS take control they themselve shall be amazed by what He will make of them!
    Deep piece! Word!

    May 22, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Yesssss, I fully concur. THS makes ALL the difference!

      June 9, 2017
      Reply
  2. Kafui said:

    “Eeeeeyiii! Gyimitoooottto! French ebaaadzi?!
    looooooooooooollllllllllll!!!!!!
    Charley Ben, u be the realest!
    God bless you for being true to yourself!

    May 15, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Loollllll! Aaaammmeen Kafui!

      June 9, 2017
      Reply
  3. Wendy said:

    God bless you Ben, what we decide to do or not to do is based on who directs our life. The Holy spirit our helper

    May 9, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Couldnt have said it better Wendy. Spot on!

      June 9, 2017
      Reply
  4. Rein said:

    You have said it all Ben…. Always on point
    The Holy Spirit is our only helper

    April 28, 2017
    Reply
  5. Barbara said:

    Thank you Ben… I always learn something
    God bless you plenty

    April 25, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      That’s very encouraging Barbs, thank you.

      May 1, 2017
      Reply
  6. Akua said:

    Chaiii! word! Word!! Word!!!
    Like Rhema, this is solid Gospel. U do everything.

    April 24, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      hahahaha. Rhema ampa. God’s in it!

      May 1, 2017
      Reply
  7. Elfreda said:

    It’s been a loooooooog while i have been here, lovely piece. Good job Ben👍👍👍

    April 24, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Eeeiiii Elfreda! so are you happy with yourself? Don’t be gone that long again, onu?!

      May 1, 2017
      Reply
  8. Marianne said:

    Well said Benjy .God bless you and keep you .Interesting very interesting am always glued waiting for what you will bring next and am not surprised cos you always on point.

    April 24, 2017
    Reply
  9. Sonia said:

    Thank you BenJ.
    ”Character, will power, a clean track record and moral uprightness will melt in the face of the perfect cleavage. The only hope is the Holy Spirit.”…… Deep truth.

    April 24, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      That’s actually my favorite line too Sonia!

      May 1, 2017
      Reply
  10. Esi said:

    U hit da nail right on da head… Me am already praying for my husband oo… Even before I meet him…. I hope to dance obianuju on our wedding day for him too(tho am a terrible dancer! Lol)

    April 24, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Hahahahaha and you win the award for the most proactive future wife ever! Did you witness the obianuju dance tho?

      May 1, 2017
      Reply
    • Esi said:

      Nope… Download wasn’t possible… But will definitely think of something…

      May 2, 2017
      Reply
  11. okoh annor said:

    BAM!
    Hitting the nail right on the head!

    April 23, 2017
    Reply
  12. Aure said:

    Thank u so much brother, only God, the Holly Spirit can help us all

    April 23, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Ampa. He alone!

      April 23, 2017
      Reply
  13. Dee said:

    You write really well Chief. And you get your point across without missing the spiritual lesson. *doffs hat*

    April 23, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      #OluwaIsInvolved 😉 God dunnit

      April 23, 2017
      Reply
  14. Awenatey said:

    What a response! French way of doing what?! 😆😆Lord have mercy! Bless you Ben, people are always on our case like it’s the lady’s job to be faithful and at the same time constantly turn a blind eye to her man’s cheating escapades. Thank God the guys are starting to get some godly advice too. Keep it up!

    April 23, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      You’re right. It’s a two-way street. We all have to be keen to do right…it’s the only way.

      April 23, 2017
      Reply
  15. Naa Ode said:

    singing” We have no power of our own, we depend on you, Holy Spirit, we have no power of our own” Amen!
    Your response to the his excuse got me cracking up. Hilarious!
    Wait!! You got married!!!! aaaaw congratulations!!!!!!

    April 23, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      hahahaha, ikr! total rubbish. I insulted him like my third born. O and it’s a pity you’re only now learning of the wedding…especially since you’re the kind to send in a massive gift *wink wink*

      April 23, 2017
      Reply
  16. Nasara said:

    So on point👏 *the only hope is the Holy Spirit!
    God bless u

    April 23, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      You can say that again!

      April 23, 2017
      Reply
  17. Hetty said:

    Mmmmm God bless u bro
    May u continually dwell in His presence

    April 23, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Amen and amen and AAAMMMEENNNN!

      April 23, 2017
      Reply

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