Horny Saints.

horny saintHot girls aren’t a 21st century phenomenon. From waaayy back in the Genesis days, chicks have been hot; women so hot that any poetic attempt to describe them will be cornier than corn flakes. Hehehe. The women were so hot that heavenly beings (Nephilims) couldn’t resist them. (Slight digression: Those heavenly beings kraa I don’t understand them o. You, these women naaa, already we don’t see the competition top.  Oyibo boys and Latino guys with names like Jose Louis, Alahandro, Malahandro, and all the other Andros from unending Tele novellas,  are fighting with us for our chicks, then you too, you come with your heavenly swag and angelic steeze so that where will all us plain looking straight guys pass?)

Hmmn, so these heavenly beings came and had unprotected sex with our hot women and they begat giants on the earth who were the great heroes and famous men of long ago. So my question is, if even heavenly beings have exhibited overzealous groins since way back then, what makes you think a Catholic priest or Charismatic brother is beyond reproach?

I have a confession to make fathers and nuns reading; on communion Sundays, I pray very hard before the Lord’s supper (or breakfast? Since its morning?) starts. When I’m solemnly walking in queue to the  holy bread and wine, I notice many people remain in their seats. I let my mind imagine the reasons why those people cant join the rest of us pure and righteous ones (snickers) to dine with the lord. Charley boysii br3 o. It’s not easy to walk straight, to walk upright. God knows I have more reasons to be seated than they do, but ahh, how we go do am?

I actually decided to write this post after my friend Maa Naa told me of a recent experience she’d had. Truth is, Maa’s done some pretty naughty things in her very adventurous life. She’s been with more guys than there are digits in a phone number. But that was then, now she’s changed; sings in the choir and all. She’s so sweet though, I mean you’ll never match that history to her if she didn’t tell you herself. She’s not proud of that life. It’s hard to turn 360, but Maa’s doing a superb job. What hasn’t been so superb is her quest for a good guy she can be true to, who she’ll love with every fiber of her being, who will seal this quest of hers for the pure life.

Recently, a church boy started giving her senior attention. I know the guy, he was school prefect of some Cape Coast school when my cousin was there. He is also a cherished protégé of a renowned Bishop. His dressing is impeccable, with superb etiquette and rare gentility. So when he started hitting on Maa, I thought it was a good thing. There was no way she could be committed to him and do yawa. She was established for life.

In the beginning Maa stretched him, but bruva didn’t slack. He understood that the violent taketh by force, so he pushed, and persevered and consistently visited till she got thinking “Maybe this might be him; the first really good boy of my life. A real church boy.” Maa didn’t want her past haunting her. She didn’t want to be with him and live in the fear that some boy who knows some boy who was a roommate to some boy she did things with will go to her church boy and throw it in his face like pimples. She wanted to tell him of her past. If he was for real and loved her like he professed, he should be capable of not holding it against her abi? I told her I thought it was a good idea, so she went on to ask him “Ken, I’ve done some pretty…ummn… naughty things in the past. I’d like to tell you. I don’t want to keep anything from you.”

Brother goes like “O naaa, not necessary. It’s all in the past, why should we resurrect it? For behold old things have passed away and all things become new…” o he stunned her with his elaborate sanctimonious response. I gave him senior props for that. I should have held on to my thing.

Turns out Brother Ken got thinking things like “Ah, if this chick I’ve been digging for God-knows-how-long has been with nincompoops not half my distinguishness (yess, I just made that up. Sue me.), why not me too?” So this brother that was supposed to keep my Maa in check, who was a Bishop protégé and all, this brother started suggesting sex wasn’t such a bad idea. He started making out with my Maa on some days and then preaching her on others. When she fell for him absolutely, stopped stretching him, and became forthcoming, he mome started withdrawing. She turned him down with the sex, but he got her thinking “Why was I so eager for a church boy then? Isn’t he more dangerous than the bad boys then?”

Me, I don’t judge, because I know that most of the saints around are horny. Maybe not with some lustful urge, but a pilfering one, or a lying one, or some other vicious one. That’s why a certain ‘christian’ shouldn’t be your standard of morality.  Don’t decide how liberal you should be because of something someone you respected did. Don’t elevate people to the point beyond reproach, where you treat them like sin is beyond them. We’re all corruptible. In a different place, under different conditions, at a different time, who knows? You could have been a porn star, or a terrorist, or a serial murderer or a pedophile. I suggest you show gratitude to God for all the negative things you aren’t and constantly pray that you never become the thing you hate or criticize.

You know that wise saying? If you see your neighbor’s beard on fire, get a cup of water for yours? Well the updated version says “If you see your neighbor’s beard on fire, soak yours in water.” So soak yourself in some Jesus wouldya?

It’s a daily struggle, and you don’t stand a chance without armor; truth, honesty, salvation, the word of God, all of them. And you must know that the best way to get on your feet is to get on your knees (doesn’t work in prison tho 😉.  So please sh3 w’akono so, guard your passions. Don’t become a case study for fallen saints. Grace is a prayer away, don’t slack. Peace out.

PS: Don’t keep! Share…& then subscribe :-)

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20 Comments

  1. Ena said:

    Charleeeeyyyyy……

    March 23, 2017
    Reply
  2. Nana Akua said:

    wow! i really needed this message. Especially the part about making other Christians your standard.God bless you.
    Keep up the good work Ben.

    February 11, 2017
    Reply
  3. Vanessa said:

    I just started reading your posts and I must say you’re doing an incredible job.
    God bless you and keep it up

    August 22, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      And just like that Vanessa, you made my day! 🙂

      August 26, 2016
      Reply
  4. Oheneba said:

    This time I’m speechless😯
    Lessons learnt

    August 20, 2016
    Reply
  5. Dede said:

    Hmmmm is all I can say.

    August 20, 2015
    Reply
  6. Hi Ben, I must say that you are highly gifted with the skill of writing and eloquence, coupled with a fine tinge of character and immutable attitude. Keep it up. #Word

    February 23, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Thanks bro, i really value you writing. It makes a very big difference to me. Please, please, please write more often.

      February 25, 2015
      Reply
  7. rammy said:

    lol…iv bn readin n observin evry step of d wae….kip it up Ben

    February 9, 2015
    Reply
  8. rammy said:

    wrd….grace is a prayer away….guard ur passions…don’t slack..WORD….bles u

    February 8, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Woooorrrrdd! you know I just love the way you’ve come back with a bang! lol. You were missed.

      February 9, 2015
      Reply
  9. nife said:

    great piece, Ben.

    December 21, 2014
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      You know how we duuusss.

      December 22, 2014
      Reply
  10. Eunice said:

    We often make the mistake of looking up to our “Christian” brothers and sisters as the standard forgetting they are human as we are. Thanks for the reminder Ben.

    November 9, 2014
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      You know Eunice, now I’m going to be looking forward to hearing from you with every post. Dont stand me up oo 🙁

      November 10, 2014
      Reply
  11. dede said:

    u r ryt on point bruva! luved every bit of it. We shudnt judge cos we neva noe how we will react wen we find ourselves in similar circumstances. Grace is wat keeps us from falling. Anyway, d alejandros r worryin us ladies too. filling our heads with images of these fyn dudes wth biceps nd six packs whom we neva meet in reality. not even their distant cousins.

    September 21, 2013
    Reply
  12. Juliette said:

    Aaaawww…Ben. There you go again with a wonderful piece. Thanks

    September 20, 2013
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Thank you Julie. Missed you papa.

      September 20, 2013
      Reply
  13. Cee said:

    I absolutely love this!! Especially the part about making a certain Christian your standard of morality. Christians tend to do that a lot especially with pastors. As if we are equating them with Christ when they are just mere mortals like us. Great piece! Well-written! Will definitely share with others. Keep up the good work!

    September 20, 2013
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Why thank you Cee. I guess the mistake is in equating anything at all with Christ. He’s unequable…(yes i know its not a word) 🙂

      September 20, 2013
      Reply

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