Show Me Your Particulars Baby.

The first woman i officially loved and dated, i met in a chatroom –clubgh.com i think that’s what it was called. I was shining knight and she was shanniqua. i had just finished Presec Legon and she’d just finished Gey Hey. She lived in the same area i was born and grew up in. Goodness God!” i thought, “this internet thing is good oh!”. It was in 2004, Zuckerberg was still brainstorming Facebook at the time.

After a few weeks of chatting, we met. She. Was. Fiiiiiinnnneee! What a particulars! My close friends found it hard being happy for me. Because well, they were human…if wishes were horses…During our first year in Legon, the only reason i was known was because I was with her. People said she was the hottest girl in our year group, but she was so down to earth! They couldn’t believe she was MY bae. Even more, they couldn’t believe that we met on a chat room. Me i thought it was naaarrmal. So fast forward a few years later, we’d broken up (as was the order of the immature days), and i got thinking…could i find another Shanniqua in a chatroom? So i went to…i cant remember if it was Hi5 or the same old clubgh, and started chatting this gerh bi. i had this format i used to help me decide early on if i was wasting my time or not.I’d say “So if i was drawing you right now, what can you tell me to get the most accurate picture of you. Slim tall? busty, not? just guide me.” usually they’d fall for it and by the time they were done describing themselves, i’d realise that with those particulars i’d wasted my time kraa. Then there was this Ann Marie gerh i met one time. herh! When i say 1 she’ll say 2. When i pass here, she’ll pass there. Then i asked her the format question and she blew me away. She said, “Look, if this is some smart way to figure out if i’m fine or not, don’t worry. i’m too hot to handle. i’m so fine i don’t need to prove it.”

Chaaaiiiii, deezz gerrhh don kee me finish! Wharraparticulars! herh. i just doffed my hat. i knew i’d met my meeter. Today be today. This could be the new Shanniqua. At that time too, no Facebook, no IG, no filter. After some days, i found out she lived around Teshie-Nungua, me too my grand aunt lived in the area. it all made sense to visit my grand aunt ;-). All this time, a still small voice was saying in my heart “Ben, be careful oo, hmm, not all that glitters is gold.” I said “Sharrap derrr, this isn’t the voice of God. Cammon, get behind me!”

So we arranged, that we’d meet at the A-Life taxi rank. So I got to A-Life, I called Ann Marie, she said she was coming. Her voice was spalala! Ah, then she called that she was there. I kept looking around, looking, looking, but i couldn’t see my expectation within the perimeter. Ei, wharrisdis?

“Ann Marie? What are you wearing?”

“A black and white striped-“ Then I saw her, we were the only two people on phone around that place. i wanted to cut the line and put off the phone, but she saw me and smiled. She started walking to me. I swallowed hard. What a particulars! I felt tricked. At least you should have been honest with me? Why did you hype yourself like that? Why? Who sent you? All those were thoughts racing through my mind as she got closer. i was smiling. it was faker than a Gutti.

Fam, such trickery is still going on today oo, on a much larger, wider scale. Filters have spoilt the thing kara. Make up and body liners have difficult the whole issues. It’s hard to get a true impression of a person even by looking her in the eyes, because that one sef, she’s wearing green contacts. Can you show me an olden days picture of you without worrying i’ll notice the drastic pantone difference in complexion?

there’s such a disparity between the life we put out there and the life we live, it’s dangerous to get jealous by what you see on your timeline. i mean a DP is no more than the best outcome of several poses and numerous clicks. Reality is so far removed from public view that Reality TV is hit TV. She’s not that glam you know, you just cant see the stretch marks from that angle. He’s not that rich you know, no picture can show what’s on loan and what’s owned. They do look like the perfect couple, but the pressure of your expectation is what’s keeping them together, not the bliss of love. Yes, every picture she takes is from a different world landmark, but do you know the evading price she’s paying? There’s always some celeb in his shot, but ask how sound his sleep is at night. don’t let the photoshopped excerpt of someone’s life make you discontent with yours. Be inspired rather to dream big and chase the good life, but always make sure God is in the driver’s seat, otherwise you’ll end up with a rich account but envious of your gardener’s children.

But on a Particular note, I cant wait to see your particulars at our Friday hangout oo, lol. It’s going to be swweelllll! Ewuraesi is in town. Tele’s coming from Ciano, and yours truly has been doing sit-ups in anticipation.

PS: Don’t keep! Share…& then subscribe ok :-)?

10 Comments

  1. Idan said:

    “Don’t let the photoshopped excerpt of someone’s life make you discontent with yours…” Thank you Ben.

    January 4, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      And you more Idan 🙂

      January 8, 2017
      Reply
  2. Yayra said:

    My particulars?! 😀😀😀

    December 31, 2016
    Reply
  3. Judy said:

    Show me your particulars baby!! Ben, now I dey fear sef.. The thing ibi serious oo

    But all Particulars were correct this evening … Your six packs though..😁😁😁

    December 30, 2016
    Reply
  4. sylvia said:

    Hahaaahaa

    December 30, 2016
    Reply
  5. Maame Boadua said:

    Yes you did the sit-ups paa! All the way till 4:29pm..lol!

    December 30, 2016
    Reply
  6. Bessmah said:

    Very on point!

    December 30, 2016
    Reply
  7. kennedy said:

    Lol!
    I can totally relate to this post bro.
    I remember, going on a blind date mehn; and charley, i was just disappointed like that.
    Not like me myself I fine too that much ooo,but charley,my expectation just fell flat like that.
    Maybe my bar was just too high, by any which ways, am anxious about tonight. fatigue is trying to hold me down but I’ll make it.

    December 30, 2016
    Reply
  8. Aure said:

    Will show u guys my real particulars

    December 29, 2016
    Reply
  9. Precious said:

    Hahahaahaha… Sit-ups you say? We’ll see that in less than 24hrs😂

    December 29, 2016
    Reply

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