Chop My Money –Confessions Of A Hot Girl

Most of my female friends are hot! It’s not like I discriminate, but me too that’s my portion. As for the Mrs, don’t go there! In another life, without Jesus, I’ll have been a top class pimp with an array of fiiiinnne gerhs purer than the methane Walter made in

Fine gerhs? Mi w) bi paaah
Fine gerhs? Mi w) bi paaah

Breaking Bad. Whaaaaatt! Gerhs papa paaah. We have natural haired, weave haired, perm haired, serious body, standard body, petite package, halfco level, tuntum ahuorfe, porsh car drivers, trotro takers….ky3r3 se, the product range is solid.

When you are friends with hot girls, you hear stories. Not those flimsy stories about cars stopping, windows rolling down, ‘pretty gerh where are you going?’ stories o, like serious serious ones!

Last week, Alice was telling me “So he called to say he was outside and would like to see me. I thought about it a minute and said ok, I’ll be there shortly. I took my time and strolled outside. There noorr, he whipped out $100. I was like ‘what’s that for?’ he said ‘Walking allowance.”

Did you see that fam? like did you seeee that? Walking alloowance! Awurade, where the sugar mummies at? Look, I’ll jog a mile for some jogging allowance. When I think of all the walking I’ve walked in my life, you’ll have been reading about me on Forbes if I had some willing donor giving walking allowance.

Naa’s story was about a man her Legon roomie connected her to. Because she wasn’t giving him attention, the man bought a brand new car, parked it at the Alex Kwapong car park and asked her to come for the keys. She just went downstairs and went somewhere else kraa, swerving both the man and her roomie.

Look, if I say I’ll tell you stories, I wont finish now. ‘I’ll build you a house’ offers, ‘take this for your masters’ offers. Fam, there’s a frustrated married man out there with an offer for any kind of need state ‘Sweating? Here’s $100 for handkerchief.’ ‘Breathing? Here’s $500 for the effort, and another GHC 300 for transport to go to the bank to cash the GHC 5,000 check I just signed for you.’ Herh! Things are happening o, I promise none of this is fiction. You be there, two cupcakes, one oreo milkshake and one khebab you’ve bought for her, you think she owes you something. It’s just because she loves you, because if she weighs the value of your investment in her life compared to those tycoons, you are just some rusty 10 pesewas coin forgotten in an old jeans shorts.

So anyways, there are three kinds of fine girls; there’s the novice fine girl who underestimates the man spending on her and there’s the sh33waga fine girl who can spend the money and escape. Then there’s the premium fine girl who knows what she can accept and what to walk away from. She pays more attention to her discernment than her need.

screen-shot-2016-12-04-at-7-07-04-pm
OMG. What if thePostinor is fake?!

One novice fine girl on finding out (from outside sources) that Marvin was actually married said “Eeeennnh, so it’s like that eh? Hmm. Okaaayy. I know what I’ll do. I’ll spend his money eh! Hm, I’ll spend it till he smells pepper. And if he thinks he’s going to get anything from me, he’s a joker!”

My sister, who has made you disciplinary prefect? You, will teach him a lesson? He’s been a baaaad man longer than you’ve been alive. Surely, he didn’t come this far in his infidelity without overcoming your likes. Spending a married man’s money to teach him a lesson is not your job. The biggest mistake you can make is underestimating him. You’ll be taking Postinor 2 before you realize that ‘Ah, Awurade, m’adi nkwaseasem!’

If you are not a qualified electrician, it’s not worth it climbing an electric pole to teach the live wire a lesson. Stay away. Don’t confuse your need to be pampered with a mandate to punish. Don’t use his marital status as justification to spend his money. If you’re really honest, it’s possible you’ll realize that your discovery has just made you feel free to do something you secretly love; spending money you didn’t work for.

I'm sorry for what i'll do to you...
I’m sorry for what i’ll do to you…

Then there are the sh33waga fine girls. They can make a veteran bad man do mentals like a class 6 boy. They’ve been in the game a long time. They have scars to show for their losses, but after paying the price with their naivety, it’s pay back time!

These kind of girls can teach a rapist a lesson. They understand the power of composure and psychological control. They can tame a tyrant CEO and dispatch him like an intern. They are ninja hot gerhs. They are not innocent, but they leverage on their skillset to build a relatively more sustainable wealth. The up and coming philanderer is like fish running towards an eagle for safety. He makes her giggle, he’s no match.

But these girls pay the highest price. They amass great fortunes that illuminate the emptiness within. They lose the ability to be fulfilled. The pleasure of a thousand rich ‘applicants’ adoring her with attention and treats is not enough to fill up the loneliness that beckons patiently.

Eventually, they settle for an innocent nobody. A guy who would normally not register on their richter scale. A guy who would swallow his throat if he finds out the distance his gorgeous madam has travelled before. They act vulnerable around him, making him feel like the boss’s boss, when in fact he is the mosquito she could swap with one extended eyelash…but she loves him.

No matter how well this relationship turns out, they’re still filled with regret. It wasn’t worth the price they paid, but itdidn’t seem like they  had a choice at the time. When this young John does the most romantic things, they cry because they feel they don’t deserve it. They are haunted by this ‘I don’t deserve this’ ghost, sometimes for their whole lives…they’ll be free if they confessed to him, but they doubt he can take it.

Then there’s my favorite kind of fine girls, the premium discerning ones. They are not perfect either, but they’re calculated. They

Wei aaa na mi p3
Wei aaa na mi p3

hardly take foolish risks, they know how to tame the adventurer in them. It’s easy to confuse their discernment-induced actions as being coy and playing hard to get. They are the trophies bad men will die for. They keep their legs together in situations no girl he’s met before will. They shock the experienced bad man. When they accept a gift, it’s usually from a man who has come to respect their resilience than a man who’s giving to score one.

They turn chasing adulterers into valuable contacts and business networks. They never keep their guard down. They don’t underestimate the men, and they have their conscience screwed on right. They are disgusted by men who cant see past their boobs and face. They are the keepers. When they settle for a man, it’s with their all. Usually, he’s not the kind of man people would have imagined she’ll settle for, but she’s discerning, remember? She can see his future. She can see his heart. She can tell if he wants her or if he needs her. She can tell if he loves her or lusts her. She’s seen enough men to know he’s gold. She doesn’t care what the world thinks…he’s the one.

So I’m going to ask you to consider which kind of fine girl you are and which stage you’ve gotten in your ‘career’. I know it’s ambitious of me to think that a few words from some blog guy is enough to reorient your philosophy about punishing men. Trust me, it’s all vanity. The GHC 1000 he showers you with every week is nothing to him. The Dubai trip he’s taking you to, it’s not his money. In fact, it’s costing him nothing to sleep with you and tear up your innings…but it’s costing you more than you think. His entire budget to get into your pants is a petty cash entry his company will redeem on Monday. Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit –put some respeck on it!

PS: Don’t keep! Share…& then subscribe ok :-)?

 

22 Comments

  1. Precious said:

    ” I know it’s ambitious of me to think that a few words from some blog guy is enough to reorient your philosophy about punishing men.” Ambitious? definitely, wrong? not at all, Worth it? absolutely!!! Thanks for sharing those few words Ben J

    December 9, 2016
    Reply
  2. Yaa Serwaa said:

    Beautiful piece as always!!!!!!!!!!!

    December 6, 2016
    Reply
  3. Akua said:

    Am a premium discerning fine girl. Ain’t perfect but am calculated. I hardly take foolish risks. I know how to tame the adventurer in me. Can’t be any other type of girl. lol!

    December 5, 2016
    Reply
  4. Elorm said:

    Got me 😂😂😂 thanks yeah…walking allowance paaaa….😂😂😂😂😂

    December 5, 2016
    Reply
  5. Awenatey said:

    Beautiful piece as always! I love you ok?? 😍😍😍

    December 5, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Ah Awenatey…’Mutual’ has never been better used! <3

      December 5, 2016
      Reply
  6. Abi said:

    Waoooo. Love this piece to the max. It’s really happening all around us. God bless you beyond measure.

    December 5, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Hmmm Abi! and you’re saying it bokoor like that. C’est tres vrais.

      December 5, 2016
      Reply
  7. Yesmine said:

    Don’t I just looooove this blog! Medaase wai

    December 5, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Love’s coming right back at ya 😉

      December 5, 2016
      Reply
  8. BELINDA OWUSU-KONADU said:

    You never disappoint …always on point.
    God continue to bless you beyond your wildest thoughts

    December 5, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Amen and amen and amen and aaaaaaammmmmeeeeennnnn!

      December 5, 2016
      Reply
  9. Maame A said:

    As usual 🔩🔨👌🏽. Spot on !
    Nyame nhyira wo beberee.

    December 5, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Maame, you are official emoji ninja o. I kent! lol, glad to ‘see’ you.

      December 5, 2016
      Reply
  10. Nana Kwame said:

    Ben, are these fine girls going to be at the meetup? If so, I’ll be there. The line that got me was “kyer3 s3, the product range is solid.” I actually laughed out loud.

    Next time, could you have one of these girls write a more in depth piece on their ‘experiences’?

    I think that would be pretty interesting to read.

    Great write up though.

    December 5, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Yieeeeee Nana Kwame weeee noooot keee mee oooo. lol, boys abr3. No shaking, believe, and it shall be your portion. Will ask them to write and i’m sure they’ll be happy to.

      December 5, 2016
      Reply
  11. Aure said:

    I wonder what would have become of me if God had not made my body his temple, Jesus l don’t even want to imagine it

    December 4, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Me too 🙂

      December 5, 2016
      Reply
  12. Aure said:

    I just found out which type of girl l am, thanks Ben

    December 4, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Ei saah? Which? which? which? You know i’m sab3 like that.

      December 5, 2016
      Reply
  13. Dzidzor said:

    Put some respeck on it ampa.
    Great piece as always
    Looking forward to the hangout

    December 4, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Yesshhh, cant wait to see you!

      December 5, 2016
      Reply

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