I first posted this some time back when there was just a couple of us, but seeing as we’re a crowd now, I’m certain you have to see this. It’s one of my very favorites!
Quote: An erected penis hath no conscience.
Recently I’ve been wondering, but I haven’t had to wonder much, because I know a couple of people who know a couple of people who have actually paid the price of an erection, or are almost done with it, so we’ll look at it through their eyes, and see if it’s a price any of us should contemplate paying.
My friend was hanging out with two close guy friends of his, and in the course of their conversation the issue of weaknesses came up. Bear in mind that all three are staunch, favored anointed men, not a bunch of secular miscreants. You might be tempted to judge, but please don’t make that mistake, just read and remember that infamous Akan proverb; “If you see your neighbor’s beard on fire, keep a bucket of water around yours at all times”
Guy 1 says “Charley, as for me, my weakness is lust o, after all I’ve been through and all it’s cost me, I find that if it’s only by grace that I stand and hope.” #imagine the whirring of a cassette as I rewind to the part when he talked about what it cost him.
“I was home when this spiritual daughter of mine saidshe was gonna pass by sometime in the day. I wasn’t having any foul thoughts in my head at all. This girl had heard me preach several times, so I couldn’t even have thought of anything sexual. I should have known better when she got to my house at around 8pm and asked if she could spend the night at my end. She said it was too late for her to travel back home (which was far off).
How the conversation changed from what the Lord was doing in our lives to who was a better kisser still baffles me. Of course, she had her request granted and got to spend the night in my room, and we had what we might have thought we were too spiritual to have; orgasms. If that was the last page in the book of me and her, then the only price I’ll have paid for my erection was the embarrassing emotion I would have felt seeing her in my congregation, or the subtle fear that she might tell my bae of life, whom I haven’t even gotten to base 2(anything beyond a passionate kiss) with.
But NO!! I hadn’t even started paying yet. Four weeks later (4 weeks o), she calls and says “I missed it this month”. I thought she was kidding, I hoped she was, I PRAYED she was, but alas, she insisted it was the truth. I didn’t have a say; it was her body, and she’d decided to have an abortion. Nothing I said could stop her.
Apparently, there are places in Accra where abortions are carried out, no questions asked and frequented by many university girls. So when she called and said it would cost GHC 500, I was blown away. Where was I gonna get that kind of money?? Even an overdraft from my bank won’t cover the half of it. She was so cold, so different from the girl I’d shared my bed with. I had to literally conjure GHC 500 in 24 hours!! It gets worse.
Everyone in my workplace calls me ‘Man of God’, and even my boss accords me priestly reverence. So when chick alerted me that she was minutes away, I felt a warm trickle down my trouser. True true, 15 minutes exactly, she showed up with two older siblings. I quickly collected them to the car park, and handed the cash to her like it was burning my palms. She handed me a receipt as some kind of proof that some Dr. Opoku from some hospital in Accra had executed it. Honestly, at that point, I couldn’t care less if it was a receipt, a prescription or a call card, I couldn’t have her gone fast enough. What if my boss stepped out and wanted to meet my ‘nice’ friends?! Truth is, I don’t even know for sure if there actually was a pregnancy or if it was a ploy to milk me from all angles.
I’d never been more flaccid as I was watching her walk away. Her thuggish siblings looked at me with such scorn and disgust. I was a torn man, my crisp shirt and tie were a false reflection of the man within, but the worst was yet to come.
My bae of life noticed something was wrong, I couldn’t look her in the eyes, I couldn’t even reply “I love you too” when she said it to me. She was such a good woman, and I had such a loud conscience. When she sat on the same bed I’d ‘known’ the other woman on some weeks back, I cracked and told everything. She had to know, I was dying within. I’d never seen Naana so broken, ever. The only thing she managed to ask me amidst the tears was “Did you kiss her? Did you kiss her when you were sleeping with her?” “Yes.” Apparently kissing a mistress is even worse than sleeping with her. Naana wanted out. EBEI!!! how could I live without the one girl I’d envisaged marrying for all these years??!!
She wasn’t kidding. Over the following weeks she grew soo thin, and it was my own damn fault!! Every time I saw her collar bone sticking out, I knew I was to blame, and that just ripped me apart. One of those nights, I broke down in the shower and cried like a baby, then I looked down and started talking to ‘him’ as if he’d unzipped himself and made the grand entry, I asked him “Se you are happy?” Oh, and I haven’t even talked about the spiritual damage it did to me, and how difficult praying became.
The efforts that went into getting Naana back could have won a national election for an unknown independent candidate. A week after I finally got her back, I got a call from the abortion mistress saying she’d missed me and wanted to know if she could come and change her clothes at my house for a wedding she had to attend in my area. I politely said no with a cute explanation, but in my head, I kept going “KWASSIAA, GYIMMII, YOU ARE A FOOL TO ME!!!! Enemy of purity and true love.” Later that night whilst I prayed, I asked God to forgive me for such foul language.
I haven’t even finished paying the price for that first erection, and here she is asking for another. God knows that till we die, for as long as Naana refers to that expensive fling, I’ll be at her beck and call. I’m blackmailed for life, and deservingly so!”
Ben here; Honeslty, this story is a true story, I’ve only edited names and twisted facts to conceal the identity of the parties involved, I’ll continue with Guy 2’s story next week and conclude the post. I can assure you that guy 2’s story makes this one look like a fairytale, be sure to check it out. Let me know your thoughts on this one though, both guys will be reading.
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