I remember the first time I watched a porn clip. I was in Presec, 3rd year. I snuck to an internet café to…I don’t even remember what. There were these humongous excuses for computer monitors that lorded themselves over the partitioned wooden stalls.
Owait, I remember what I went to do now. I had a yahoo account with the most ridiculous email ‘Hourglass143…’. Those days, it was just flex to have an email account. Most of the mails were spam, but because there weren’t enough email using friends to receive emails from, I read spam like they were love letters from Gey Hey.
There were three guys huddled behind a computer two chairs away. They were too excited to have been reading spam. I’ve been curious a long time now, you know. In stretching my neck whilst acting uninterested, I saw my first porn clip.
Fast track a few years to uni days. In legon, porn became more commonplace. Some boys on the top floor of Sarbah Annex C would connect an orgy to massive woofers and crank up the volume…all this at midnight! It was so loud you could hear the gyrating moans from Lagos, so imagine its effect on the new converts praying on Sarbah field; “Faaadaaa, faaaadaaa, fill us, fiiiiiiiillll uss, and breast us, ei sorry, bless ussss…”. But even with that, there was hope. Now dier, things spoil kraaaa!
Sexual innuendos have become the Onga that makes whatsapp groups tick. It’s become the zomi that makes naughty conversations exciting. Dick and his baby cat counterpart are used as loosely as ‘innit’ in the late 2000s. Vulgarity and humor have been so interwoven it’s almost impossible to be funny without a fucking punch line. It’s so sad and so impressive all at once…it’s like porn and sex and lust and their band have cleverly ridden on the back of what’s acceptable so that now they too are acceptable.
I was added to a whatsapp group recently. I was probably number 249 to be added, which is cool, I not bore. I shoved aside the thought that I was an afterthought or carefully contemplated addition to a group of guys who were once schoolmates.
A few notifications after being added, a ‘dick and baby cat’ joke was dropped and boys started rotfl. I couldn’t, I spoke up and there was the expected backlash. People talked about how porn had kept the group together till before I joined and how it’s been shared really freely. I was the odd one, the hypocrite, the party pooper, the outcast. I was the minority. Who the hell is this Ben guy anyway?
Now don’t get me wrong, I probably have more screwed up weaknesses to deal with than most of those guys on that platform. When people ask why I don’t club, I explain that I have enough sin in my life, so for me, it’s not a good idea to club and wine down in the perfect atmosphere for the caged puppy in my heart to become a raging beast. I’m so not a saint. If there’s ever need for a grace load shedding, it’s likely because I’m using so much of it, so it’s so not about being ‘Holier than thou’.
But I want to be better. I want to holler at G without the weight of guilt from last night hanging over my heart. I want to be a better man than I am and I know I can only be that by starving my sin-craving flesh from things that make me think of ‘baby cats’.
It’s a slow slow fade fam. It’s amazing how something we only joke about becomes something we’re addicted to. It’s funny how something that’s just playful flirt becomes the thing we’re praying for forgiveness about. The more you talk and joke about something, the less it looks like a big deal, the more open-minded we become to it, the number we become to its violation of God’s spirit in our hearts.
And I’ve come to realize that our attitude to porn and sleeping around and every other vice is strongly connected to our understanding of our purpose. If we believe that we exist ULTIMATELY to be bank MD or a top lawyer, or beauty queen, or [fill in your career goals], then a lot of things become acceptable on the basis of whether they directly affect our dreams…but our dreams are just a means to an end. Whatever you do, do it to the glory of God. If we realize that our ULTIMATE purpose rather is to glorify God, that’s when things start falling in place. You start making decisions –even vocabulary decisions- based on whether they help or deter the attainment of that purpose.
Don’t make the means to your purpose, the purpose of your life, it jumbles up your judgment till vulgarity becomes a relative creative expression.
So if you’re as flawed as me, it’s good enough to feel the pangs of your conscience when you do yawa. Just don’t become comfortable with the anesthesia of seemingly harmless wrongs. If you lose that prompting that makes you remorseful for some wrong so that now it seems like it’s normal, WATCH IT!
Take a good look at your life, the people you call friends, the conversations you love, the music that gets you going, the things you love doing WHEN NO ONE’S LOOKING, and small small, start tuning out of any frequency that doesn’t add up to you fulfilling God’s ULTIMATE purpose. It wont be easy. Trust me, I KNOW. But it’s better than just giving up and going with the flow.
The thing about needing the Holy Spirit to get out of habits and things you hate is it makes you so clingy, so dependent and so needy of Him, which is great. It also makes you humble, because the full extent of your human limitation and insufficiency becomes glaringly obvious. Just ask Him to help…if you mean it, He’ll never give up on you. The weight of your flaws cant weaken his grip and force him to let go. Use him. Determine to do better and e go be.
So tell me fam, what are you deciding to cut out of your life today? (Please it’s a rhetorical question o, I shudder at your honest answer. lol)
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