Sex Sells! But Who’s Buying?

I remember the first time I watched a porn clip. I was in Presec, 3rd year. I snuck to an internet café to…I don’t even remember what. There were these humongous excuses for computer monitors that lorded themselves over the partitioned wooden stalls.

Owait, I remember what I went to do now. I had a yahoo account with the most ridiculous email ‘Hourglass143…’. Those days, it was just flex to have an email account. Most of the mails were spam, but because there weren’t enough email using friends to receive emails from, I read spam like they were love letters from Gey Hey.

There were three guys huddled behind a computer two chairs away. They were too excited to have been reading spam. I’ve been curious a long time now, you know. In stretching my neck whilst acting uninterested, I saw my first porn clip.

Fast track a few years to uni days. In legon, porn became more commonplace. Some boys on the top floor of Sarbah Annex C would connect an orgy to massive woofers and crank up the volume…all this at midnight! It was so loud you could hear the gyrating moans from Lagos, so imagine its effect on the new converts praying on Sarbah field; “Faaadaaa, faaaadaaa, fill us, fiiiiiiiillll uss, and breast us, ei sorry, bless ussss…”. But even with that, there was hope. Now dier, things spoil kraaaa!

Sexual innuendos have become the Onga that makes whatsapp groups tick. It’s become the zomi that makes naughty conversations exciting. Dick and his baby cat counterpart are used as loosely as ‘innit’ in the late 2000s. Vulgarity and humor have been so interwoven it’s almost impossible to be funny without a fucking punch line. It’s so sad and so impressive all at once…it’s like porn and sex and lust and their band have cleverly ridden on the back of what’s acceptable so that now they too are acceptable.

I was added to a whatsapp group recently. I was probably number 249 to be added, which is cool, I not bore. I shoved aside the thought that I was an afterthought or carefully contemplated addition to a group of guys who were once schoolmates.

lol, someone’s response to my comment.

A few notifications after being added, a ‘dick and baby cat’ joke was dropped and boys started rotfl. I couldn’t, I spoke up and there was the expected backlash. People talked about how porn had kept the group together till before I joined and how it’s been shared really freely. I was the odd one, the hypocrite, the party pooper, the outcast. I was the minority. Who the hell is this Ben guy anyway?

Now don’t get me wrong, I probably have more screwed up weaknesses to deal with than most of those guys on that platform. When people ask why I don’t club, I explain that I have enough sin in my life, so for me, it’s not a good idea to club and wine down in the perfect atmosphere for the caged puppy in my heart to become a raging beast. I’m so not a saint. If there’s ever need for a grace load shedding, it’s likely because I’m using so much of it, so it’s so not about being ‘Holier than thou’.

But I want to be better. I want to holler at G without the weight of guilt from last night hanging over my heart. I want to be a better man than I am and I know I can only be that by starving my sin-craving flesh from things that make me think of ‘baby cats’.

It’s a slow slow fade fam. It’s amazing how something we only joke about becomes something we’re addicted to. It’s funny how something that’s just playful flirt becomes the thing we’re praying for forgiveness about. The more you talk and joke about something, the less it looks like a big deal, the more open-minded we become to it, the number we become to its violation of God’s spirit in our hearts.

And I’ve come to realize that our attitude to porn and sleeping around and every other vice is strongly connected to our understanding of our purpose. If we believe that we exist ULTIMATELY to be bank MD or a top lawyer, or beauty queen, or [fill in your career goals], then a lot of things become acceptable on the basis of whether they directly affect our dreams…but our dreams are just a means to an end. Whatever you do, do it to the glory of God. If we realize that our ULTIMATE purpose rather is to glorify God, that’s when things start falling in place. You start making decisions –even vocabulary decisions- based on whether they help or deter the attainment of that purpose.

Don’t make the means to your purpose, the purpose of your life, it jumbles up your judgment till vulgarity becomes a relative creative expression.

So if you’re as flawed as me, it’s good enough to feel the pangs of your conscience when you do yawa. Just don’t become comfortable with the anesthesia of seemingly harmless wrongs. If you lose that prompting that makes you remorseful for some wrong so that now it seems like it’s normal, WATCH IT!

Take a good look at your life, the people you call friends, the conversations you love, the music that gets you going, the things you love doing WHEN NO ONE’S LOOKING, and small small, start tuning out of any frequency that doesn’t add up to you fulfilling God’s ULTIMATE purpose. It wont be easy. Trust me, I KNOW. But it’s better than just giving up and going with the flow.

The thing about needing the Holy Spirit to get out of habits and things you hate is it makes you so clingy, so dependent and so needy of Him, which is great. It also makes you humble, because the full extent of your human limitation and insufficiency becomes glaringly obvious. Just ask Him to help…if you mean it, He’ll never give up on you. The weight of your flaws cant weaken his grip and force him to let go. Use him. Determine to do better and e go be.

So tell me fam, what are you deciding to cut out of your life today? (Please it’s a rhetorical question o, I shudder at your honest answer. lol)

PS: Don’t keep! Share…& then subscribe, okay :-)? 

54 Comments

  1. Esinam said:

    Very inspiring and highly relatable! God bless you Ben. If half of the young men of this generation think like you do, this world would be a better place.

    August 20, 2016
    Reply
  2. Akofa said:

    Love letters from Gey Hey eh? Boys dey feel we. lol.
    On a more serious note, God bless you for your post.

    August 19, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Eeeiiiii gerhs like fans! take it eh. lol, thanks for this love letter too.

      August 20, 2016
      Reply
  3. Amazing Grace said:

    The conviction! God bless you for this Ben!

    August 18, 2016
    Reply
  4. Maame A said:

    W’ano hwam 👌🏽👌🏽👍🏽😍📍🔨….. .. Lovely

    August 17, 2016
    Reply
  5. benny said:

    I came across this beautiful piece on Facebook .I must confess this is amazing. most of us encounter this same challenge each day. we are called names because we no longer want to be slaves to our flesh. I’m not perfect or flawless .we just Want to let go of the things that separate us from God.

    August 16, 2016
    Reply
  6. Quobby said:

    Don’t make the means to your purpose, the purpose of your life, it jumbles up your judgment till vulgarity becomes a relative creative expression.

    you wrote something I envisaged writing (my story). God bless you bro

    August 16, 2016
    Reply
  7. Jay said:

    I just came across your blog and it is scintillating to know a blog that shares ‘real dish’ on the Christian walk. I have questions everyday and it is relaxing to know that there several others out there relying on grace to do this righteousness life. So as Christians what can we do for fun? The world beats us and draws us in everyday with their ‘creativity’? 😀

    August 16, 2016
    Reply
  8. Afriyie said:

    This caught me!!hardly read stuffs on the net expects when the comments are positive..Thank you…an amazing write up..I least expected it to be soo good…you are really good mehn! !!lol

    August 16, 2016
    Reply
  9. Rose Ampofoa Tweneboa-Kodua said:

    This is amazing……especially the knowing thyself part where people think when u like being indoors u are a weirdo or sth because u know u are vulnerable when it comes to clubbing and partying and all that……Someone would also watch porn to release that feeling of loneliness. …..Knowing thyself but it takes God. and His grace to overcome…encountering Him in a point where everything seems confusing and draining you out especially porn….Trust me laying every weight at the foot of the cross helps…don’t know if am making sense tho 😕

    August 16, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Hmmm, my mum has this funny quote; the fact that you dont see it doesnt mean the goat doesnt sweat o.

      So you are fully right Rose, it’s smart to flee and be preventive…and being able to lay weights make all the difference.

      August 16, 2016
      Reply
  10. betty said:

    Thank you

    August 16, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      No Betty, thank you…for passing through 🙂

      August 16, 2016
      Reply
  11. Kayy said:

    Porn is quite addictive, anyone who has been an active participant would agree. However, like most things in the world, sex and intimacy has been repackaged and perverted to appeal to our much basic and feral nature. I agree with Ben, as a Christian man, you understand the struggle is real, the struggle to be better. To be more spirit filled than flesh driven. We all have our vices. Some of us objectify women, indulge in porn, gamble and do all manner “harmless sins” we consider “no biggies’. Those vices are what become vines that hold your greatness and distracts you from your purpose. My father once said” a man addicted to his passions can never rule”.. Good piece Ben.

    August 15, 2016
    Reply
    • Nana Kwame said:

      Well said!

      August 15, 2016
      Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Goodnes! so succinctly put Kayy, thank you. I’m mentally marking your dad’s quote…so apt!

      August 16, 2016
      Reply
  12. Ed said:

    Very much on point Ben. God bless you for this.

    August 15, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Aaaammmmeen Ed! God bless you too.

      August 16, 2016
      Reply
  13. Nana Kwame said:

    The realest thing in life is being real with the real issues that are bothering us in our lives and wrecking our destinies. I was there some,with pornography and masturbation my standing ovation. But thanks be to God Who gives us the victory through Jesus Christ our Lord. “If we believe that we exist ULTIMATELY to be bank MD or a top lawyer, or beauty queen, or [fill in your career goals], then a lot of things become acceptable on the basis of whether they directly affect our dreams…but our dreams are just a means to an end. Whatever you do, do it to the glory of God. If we realize that our ULTIMATE purpose rather is to glorify God, that’s when things start falling in place”. Right on point Bruv!

    August 15, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Glory to God! He is able to keep us from falling and snatching us from things that seem to have us hopelessly trapped. I’m glad you wrote NK, that’s a testimony right there.

      August 16, 2016
      Reply
      • Nana Kwame said:

        A big testimony Sir! He makes all things beautiful in His time! God bless you!

        August 16, 2016
        Reply
  14. Abeeku said:

    Phenomenal write up!If we do not stand up for something, we will fall to anything! Bless u bro. It’s been a while though..ooooosumor!

    August 14, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Aaattaaarrrrmmm3! lol Charle I miss you o. Thanks for the encouragement, makes a big difference.

      August 14, 2016
      Reply
  15. Kay-X said:

    Great one there Ben. Keep them coming. You are an inspiration.

    August 14, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      We thank God! Oluwa makes all the difference

      August 14, 2016
      Reply
  16. Ephraim said:

    Extraordinary

    August 14, 2016
    Reply
    • Enoch Young said:

      I thank God he finally got me some one I need at this very moment in my life. Thanks Ben…

      August 14, 2016
      Reply
      • BenJ said:

        Yuuuup! Thanks God!

        August 14, 2016
        Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Thanks bro. I value the encouragement.

      August 14, 2016
      Reply
      • Rose Ampofoa Tweneboa-Kodua said:

        Wooow this is amazing….It got tears in my eyes…God bless you

        August 16, 2016
        Reply
  17. Marian said:

    Chale, this one is super timely! Was just discussing some of this going out/clubbing stuff with a friend… May God give us all strength!

    August 13, 2016
    Reply
    • Ike said:

      Wow is “Going Out and Clubbing” BAD or against any Bible Principle?????
      Dis one is nt a rhetorical question koraa ….

      August 14, 2016
      Reply
      • BenJ said:

        lol, Ike, going out and clubbing is not bad oo, not at all. It just comes down to ‘knowing thyself’. Me I know myself. I know that in a club I am vulnerable to vices that other people will not be affected by. Cleavages, gyrations, forthcoming liberal gerhs, other couples going down on eachother will just make me weak kraah, So if that’s not an issue at all for you and wont difficult any issues, feel free kraa.

        August 14, 2016
        Reply
        • Jay said:

          The bottomline or the scale for measuring what is acceptable or not is: does it glorify God? Is it spirit led? Music at the club promotes lust,materialism and then eventually greed. And thats what Galatians said are not the fruits of the spirit. Which leads to the the question, ‘if listening to rap is a sin or not. What does it incite in you? Does it feed your spirit? I see Rap as the fundamental cause of the materialism, lust and narcissism we see all around us. Because we have listened and continue to be programmed about fancy cars, fancy fons, expensive living… 🙂

          August 16, 2016
          Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Yess, strength is all we need.

      August 14, 2016
      Reply
  18. Pech said:

    I can relate…on point!

    August 13, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Makes two of us Pech!

      August 14, 2016
      Reply
  19. emefa said:

    Great piece Ben.Nyame nhyira wo.😊

    August 13, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      And you too Em, and you too 🙂

      August 13, 2016
      Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Aaaammmmeeenn! Eni wo nso.

      August 14, 2016
      Reply
  20. Hetty said:

    God bless you

    August 13, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Aaaaammmeennn! I rishiv it!

      August 13, 2016
      Reply
  21. Cyrus ash said:

    Deep.. Thanks bro

    August 13, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      If it got you to comment Cyrus, then it must have been deep 🙂 lol, thanks bro.

      August 13, 2016
      Reply
  22. Robert said:

    Grt piece… Der r still knees in gh who hasn’t bowed bro. U ain’t alone.. Bless u

    August 13, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Charley Robert, e be God oo, grace is the ONLY difference.

      August 13, 2016
      Reply
  23. Yaakyia said:

    I don’t know why but I am really panicking,its not funny!

    August 13, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      *in whispers* tell me why, me p3. just whisper it.

      August 13, 2016
      Reply
  24. Belinda Owusu-Konadu said:

    This is dope! God help us all to be able to kill the flesh and live sorely for HIM🙏🏽🙏🏽

    God bless you, Benjie …keep on!!!

    August 13, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Ampa! We need His help paah.

      August 13, 2016
      Reply
  25. Kennedy said:

    hmmmmm!
    its not easy living totally for God but its not impossible either.
    Bless you bro

    August 13, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      You said it bro! It is possible.

      August 13, 2016
      Reply
  26. Keni said:

    Ben! ❤️

    August 13, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Oh Keni!! You make me staaa-staaa-stama!

      August 13, 2016
      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *