I hope this letter finds you like I intend it to – Quite by Surprise! I don’t know if you’ve seen any of the other letters I’ve hidden all over the house and in my old things but if you haven’t yet, I can assure you that you’re in for a Treat!
You see, I periodically write these letters because it gives me the ability to ‘cheat’ on time by allowing me to make use of your excellent company years before we end up together finally and I can count myself blessed to have you close by every single day.
It gets rough sometimes, I must admit, when there’re so many things on my mind and heart that I’d love to share with someone who’s as close to me as you are now, reading this letter. Unfortunately, in my present state of unwed solitary bachelorhood, that, I can’t do because not everyone needs to know what’s in your mind – a majority of them can’t handle it and others would most likely use the information to manipulate you. This letter, however, is my innovative solution to that conundrum. 🙂
The thought of writing this particular letter actually occurred to me last night when I was having a discussion with one of your Akumaas about the nature of Love and how it should be versus how it, unfortunately, becomes sometimes. An old soul taking temporary shelter in a young body as I am, I’m sure it wouldn’t surprise you to find out that the phrase that got me a-thinking was one from older Highlife and Hiplife songs, “Medeɛ ne wo ara”“.
The inherent Beauty of that phrase was never so evident to me as it became at that point in our conversation. I literally had to pause to take a deep breath *breathe in* *breathe out* for an added second before repeating the phrase again so my voice could wrap itself snugly within the concept once more. You see, I doubt that most people who are ‘together’ nowadays understand the import of that phrase. I believe that too many of them get too wrapped up in the ‘feeling‘ of the moment and the flashing lights to actually sit down and appreciate the import of marriage.
I have a confession to make here, though – there was a point where I fell prey to this innate Fear that maybe I’d meet you and fall in love with you, only to ‘get up‘ out of it one day after! This was one of the things that I couldn’t tell anyone because I thought it was too callous of me to even contemplate out loud. I feared that they would judge me for my fickle behaviour. It was a fear based on the premise that Love as we knew it was fleeting and once one got married, the rose-tinted glasses would come off and everything was destined to go downhill from there, so why bother committing in the first place? There would always be another more attractive one just over the next hill, so why settle?! It took me a while to realise that they weren’t saints either, and just like me, quite a number of them had similar reservations which they also either acted upon by hopping from one ‘understanding’ to another, or forcibly squelched. While the first group would never be satisfied, the second group also failed to actively address those feelings, thinking it was just ‘cold feet’ or choosing to determinedly get married with that elephant in the room… Even now, I see them throwing themselves at the bars of the ‘jailhouse‘ they believe they’ve locked themselves into, trying desperately to get free, out of a Lifetime Commitment within a year or less of signing it. (I bet as you read this, even more of them would have walked away by now, right?) But I digress..
‘Medeɛ ne wo ara’
‘Medeɛ‘, to wit ‘My own’, in this concept can only be a singular expression of Ownership/Belonging. It lets you know that I’ll brook no sharing with anyone whosoever – parents, siblings, friends, even children, and of course those I deem the dreaded ‘Exes’. I claim all of you for myself – the Good,the Bad and the Ugly, the mistakes and successes, the dreams and hopes, the bills and baggage, the glory and shame, your degrees and qualifications, your experiences and fears, since all these make up You, I lay claim not just to your pluses, but to your minuses too. All of you is mine.
‘Ne wo ara‘, to wit ‘Is you alone’, eschews the concept of multi-valence that most couples seem to have sullenly embraced nowadays – “My woman, and my side-chick(s)” or “My wife, and my baby mama(s)”. Ebei! I look to nowhere else for support, love, peace, counsel, and of course a warm meal at night. If you let me go my way without your input, if you fail to claim me at some point, I do declare that I will promptly get Lost and only you will be able to find me and bring me back to myself again because I belong to no one else.
I know we would have probably hit a few snags in the road by now. I love you already, but I’d like you to know that I’m already putting effort into accepting the fact that I’ll wake up some days and everything won’t be rosy between us. I’ll realise that the honeymoon has ended and, as all guys do, I shall panic as my Lone Wolf instincts kick in, making me feel ‘trapped’. All I ask whenever you see signs of something like that occurring is that you have a little more patience for me. It’s not an easy thing to shake off years of conditioning to become the ideal male figure of independence and sole direction, in favour of a shared life – even with someone you love – within anything less than a 5 or more years after we tie the knot. Even if I don’t say it quite as often then as I do now or in the earlier years, please rest assured that I don’t take you for granted. I still need you as I used to before – maybe even more now than then.
I know I’m ‘cheating’ by apologising for the mistakes and pigheadedness of my future self now from way back in the past, but you just try and understand me small eh. I need you for me to be Me, even (especially?) when I’m at my absolute worst. I’ll only admit this to you because You are my Wife and I don’t mind being vulnerable to you – don’t tell any of your friends I said something like this because I’ll deny it Flat Out walahi! – but you women are our true strength. You know the best things you can send me out with each day? Your Blessing & Approval. The days you call me just before I step out of the house to look me over to make sure my tie isn’t crooked, before you sweep away some imaginary lint and give me that nod of approval and smile – those days are the bestest best for me! In fact, the days you’ll do that the morning after a disagreement that was all my fault sef, those are the days that I want to come home after having emptied my bank account for you!
Well now, if I don’t stop here I’ll keep rambling on and on until the cows come home. I just wanted to give you a heads up on the inner workings of the mind of a man who has decided to be in love with you every day. (Yes, I don’t love you with just my heart – my mind was in on the decision too to take minutes to remind my heart on the days of forgetfulness!) I may not seem like that man sometimes when you look at me snoring on the couch with my shoes still on when we should be catching up on them Epic movies you wanna watch, but I’d like you to just look at that white-gold band on your finger that I put there That day. Is it still there? Good. The one you put on mine, is it still there? Yes? Good. Then that Promise still stands.
…Medeɛ ne wo ara…
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