MEN cheat. Men lie. Men pretend to be one thing and they aren’t in the next minute. Men are unfaithful. Men are disrespectful. We are tired of the ups and downs that men put us through. Can’t someone just come and be a gentleman? Can’t we get a chivalrous man to open doors and stand up for us?
There are plenty of men who need ample work and are nothing to write home about. However, there are equally as many men who are genuine, caring, loving gentlemen. I’m not sure how women can continue to spew this “all men are dogs” talk. There is, at the very least, one man out there who is genuine and respectful. If there is one, there has to be more than one.
Think about it for a second. You can’t possibly think that God created human kind and created jeh jeh women. Women who are good, and virtuous, and respectful, only so they can be left with whom? If there are no good men out there, who are the people who are meant to be your brothers, uncles, fathers, nephews, cousins, and friends?
Understandably, a lot of the times this phrase is used, it pertains to men in relationships. The same still applies. Not all men are out there cheating and philandering their way through life. Having this idea stuck in your head, that all men are scum, is detrimental to you finding happiness. It’s clouding your judgement and you are refusing to see the goodness that is probably around you, because you’re jaded by past hurt.
It makes you carry baggage from one relationship to another. Yes, John did a real number on you, he dragged you through several stages of abuse and then some. You are allowed the pain you feel or felt because of that. You’re also allowed to be slightly cautious about the next person who comes along claiming to be good. Just as you are allowed to be cautious, you should also give them a chance to prove to you that they are good.
I understand the necessity to learn from the past and carry some of that into another relationship. You should also know there are some things that really do not need to be brought with you. If you must, carry some of the baggage, but please leave the rest in the past. Even airplanes have a limit to the number of bags you can carry, let it be the same for your relationships. A carry on and that’s it. If you cannot carry it on your own, leave it in the past.
The extra bags, the boxes and the Ghana must go bag are very unnecessary. Don’t bring them with you. If you cannot carry them on your own, then you will be dumping them on the person you’re with. They will have to deal with all the extra things you have brought. That’s an already turbulent beginning to a relationship. Don’t do that to yourself, or to your possible significant other.
Something happened in the past that was crazy. It doesn’t mean the same thing will repeat itself with someone else. The good guy is out there trying to do everything to prove to you that he’s not going to hurt you or do you any wrong. Do your due diligence, but once you’ve done that and it has been proven that he’s a good guy, please, believe him.
Please, give the good guy a chance. Don’t drag him through years and years of trying. If you’re genuinely not into him, let him know, nicely, and allow him to move on. Don’t hinder his opportunity to find someone else, while you continue to prevent him from committing to you. Leaving him in limbo is essentially doing the same thing to him that you had done to you. Nobody is a fan of that. Nobody likes being taken for granted.
Sometimes we, as women, create the men who are nasty. We carry scepticism into our relationships and blame them for every little thing because someone from the past did the same. Eventually, because they are also human, they get tired of trying and dealing with it, and they are left bruised by you. Only to carry that baggage on to the next woman they come across and damage her. It becomes a vicious cycle.
There have been many times I have seen women complain that there are no good men, and yet when the good men arrive with silver platters and fight for them, they don’t want it. They want a “bad boy.” Aunty, please choose, because you cannot have your cake and eat it, too. You cannot have a “bad boy” who is also good and doesn’t treat you badly.
You want a good man, to treat you well and do this and that for you. Yet, you overlook the good guy who does just that. You’re calling him your good friend, your bestie, twinsies. Which is fine, not every good guy you’re meant to be with, but some of your besties are really men trying to show you that you can be treated well, but you’re overlooking them. I mean, do you want a good guy, really, or are you just intrigued by the idea of a good guy?
All men are not the same. All men are not dogs.
Some of them are, without a doubt. But some women are equally nothing to write home about. Give the good guy a chance. Praise the good guys for being good guys. Let them know they are awesome for being good. It takes effort, after all.
Good guys shouldn’t finish last.
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