I’m beginning to wonder if doctors are just writers who grew up confusing a stethoscope for a pen. I mean look at Tele, who does his thing with Tele Tuesdays and our recent smash hit guest writer Sally Boateng who is a Doctor in training. Today as well, we have a doctor guest blogger writing about nothing close to the circulatory system.
Dr. Izzy is a long time fan here and it was worth waiting for her to come around to writing this; it clearly came from somewhere deep. They say if a crocodile tells you about something going down in the river, better believe it. I suggest you give this doctor-writer woman your attention if you have plans of keeping your woman. She is a croc 😉
The good book says he who finds a wife finds a good thing. A good number of guys I know have been finding good things lately and bagging them. Dapper dudes + blushing brides and everything in between make for such perfect pictures. The journey of the rest of your lives is beginning and you look forward to this beautiful thing, which is great.
You met the lady of your dreams, cool. You put a ring on it, sweet. Now it is time to get serious. Would you want to keep said lady and work at having the best marriage you could? If the answer is yes (the answer should be yes), I suggest you take to heart the next 2 words you are about to hear for as long as you both shall live. ‘PAY ATTENTION’. Yeah I did say once it was a simple gospel. The catch is however, it is far from easy.
I confess I am no expert but from what I can see, marriage is continuous work. This is not the time to slack and think what is yours will always be yours. Regardless of the craziness life would keep bringing; kids coming through, having to be on the grind to make ends meet and all of that, it is imperative to pay attention to your partner and play the role you should as a spouse.
You see, there is such a thing as an emotional need indwelt in everyone (albeit to different degrees), waiting to be satisfied. In this context, I am not necessarily talking about wanting to feel pampered, showered with gifts and vacation trips. I’m not even talking strictly about conjugal duties no. This transcends that. I am focusing on your ability to observe things and act upon them as they happen and not much later when there is too much water under the bridge.
Allow me explain further. It is like this. In as much as you both are now considered a single unit, you are still 2 different individuals with personal struggles, desires, hopes and dreams. To really be there for her, the thing you can do is make sure you listen attentively to what she says instead of dismissing it as needless nagging. Watch the body language too. Yes guys, we are aware you suck at taking hints and nudges be they subtle or obvious. History has proved that time and time again. But, seeing as communication in this world is not strictly verbal, I do not think it is a good enough excuse anymore hiding behind the ‘she did not voice it out’ thing. Granted we are complex. You still love us anyway.
A woman yearns for her man to be her pillar, her rock whenever she needs one. No matter how strong of a person she is, there will be those points she needs you to be just that whether she asks out rightly or not. Those times are privileges and golden moments for you to shine and can easily be amongst the high points in your marriage should you take the initiative. Just be the man she holds in such high esteem.
Even for the seemingly little things, PAY ATTENTION. Do not leave room for confidants found in other personas. Do not be so caught up in your routine of ‘work, eat, sleep’ that you begin leading very different lives and your woman starts to even consider hanging out with the “great listener” to dull out the pain of your indifference.
Affairs, emotional or otherwise, most at times do not happen overnight. The more she feels ignored and shut out, the worse the situation gets. This in no way vindicates any female for breaking the sanctity of a marriage, not at all. Wrong is wrong no matter what leads to it. The message this piece brings is simply that catastrophic endings can be averted by a little effort.
You found a good thing. The real work lies in keeping it. Let us try not to chase away the treasures we got. Pay attention, will you?
Ben: Guys, filla oo, what do you think?
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