Dealing with Girlfriend Snatchers! #yawa boys

girl snatchCharle brodas why? A hardworking guy has tried aaahhh and landed the girl of his dreams, why have you made it your life’s mission to repossess her? Guys of today are too shameless, knowing no boundaries. It’s all a game, nothing personal. There’s no regard for another dawg’s turf. The hotter your girl is, the deader you are.

Speaking to girlfriend snatchers seems like a lost cause to me. Their conscience is further gone than a car tire rolling down a steep hill. I’d like to speak to guys with hot girls,  the legitimate custodians of beautiful women. I have plenty of experience in that area.

The first thing is to develop a listening ear. For the man who listens with eagerness about the torturingly trivial details of his girls day will learn very easily of any new encroacher. Let your woman get so addicted with filling you in on her day that it wont occur to her to edit the bit about the cool dude sending her funny texts. You be guy, you can smell an encroacher hiding his stench behind a ‘CK aftershock’ from a mile off, but if your chick doesn’t tell you of his arrival because it seems like the kind of things you’re likely to consider trivial, you’re screwed. You first, and she later, in entirely different ways. Listen to her, and let her love telling you all kinds of stuff. If she’s a good woman, she’ll innocently mention the bug before it becomes a pest.

You see, the way these things go, it’s much easier to nib them in the bud. I don’t know why hot girls think they can convert any lover applicant into a harmless platonic friend. To them, his gestures are just kind, but dude you and I know that when another guy is willing to give your girl a ride to the salon on a weekday night (when he’s as much a busy employee as you are), and he waits three hours just to return her home, he’s not being a harmless platonic friend. He’s being as conniving as a paranoid stepmother. You got to stop it on the third text.

This’ not to say, be overbearing, possessive and all in her business. Give her breathing space, but drop cues, and decode all advances made by such nincompoops. So chic gets a text from this much older, unfairly rich lawyer she happened to meet at work the day before. The sly man sends a text saying “heya my captivating friend, working around you was so delightful yesterday. I just wanted you to know that. Have the loveliest weekend.”

She meows “Awwwww” in response and you’re like “aww what?” Then you explain that, no well meaning man will send a text to a 24hr old friend with such words as captivating and delightful, or even go as far as sending a text to express a delight that’s spilled over into another day to a girl he has no future intentions with. Guys don’t have time o, if he’s making it, he’s in for something. Let her know that you’re the ‘g’ in game o, without you, it’s lame. That’s when she’s likely to go like “Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh oookkaaaayyy”. Give her quick pointers so she can flag a threat quickly, before it grows wings.

Third thing you got to do is, talk to chic about the future. There’s no sensible girl who’ll be content in a relationship she’s not sure is going anywhere. Mention how good your kids will look like once in a while. Toss in something about a wedding color. Pass a positive comment or two when she brings up a wedding topic. If you got a commitment phobia too big to deal with, then you’re too small a man to keep her. Because these encroachers, when they’re coming it’s at like 200 mph, making your otherwise commendable constant 90 mph seem puny. Unless girl nu, you dont sheda love am, but if you do, then bruv, start talking future!

Another thing too is girls like to see their man jealous. It does to them what it does to you to be treated like a real man and have your ego massaged to climax. It makes them feel wanted, needed, even like an integral part of your life. You be there and do yourself like she should do whatever makes her happy. The hollow she’ll leave in your heart will turn you into a proper otoolege. Act jealous from time to time. Stage it if you must, but the next time she talks about some guy checking her out, say it out loud “Me, i’m not sharing you o, aah.I’m not sharing you with anyone.” Then when she gives a condescending laugh and says “Baby, dont worry, it’s only you pe” Act happy, or relieved and nod like a little school boy.

You’ve also got to be firm sometimes, but use this card sparingly. Once in a long while when it seems like things are getting out of hands, pull your ace card and say “Babe, you’re my woman, and this isnt happening. We’re leaving right now.” or “You’re not talking to dude again.” if she’s a 21st century independent woman, she’ll initially act in an ‘excussee me’ way, but she’ll dig your balls nonetheless (not literally). Disclaimer, doing this often will make you a nagging mitch or a quickly-expiring tyrant.

Another important thing; dont for once think sexing your girl good will save your relationship. Helloo, whose son are you? Cos that’s as carnal a mindset as any doomed man could have. If the key to keeping your girl is in your zip, then pray she doesn’t meet any of those guys you shared a common bathroom with in SSS. Who born dog? kwerrr, day gee. If you keep your relationship alive with sex, it’ll last as long as an orgasm. How long was your longest?

girl snatch1Also, never deal with the guy, not directly. It’s cheap and beneath you. Heck, she’s your girl, use your incumbency advantage. Go plant a kiss in the middle of their conversation and tell her you’re waiting outside. or giggle excitedly and beckon her to come check something out quickly when he’s halfway through his ‘you’re so beautiful’ speech. Without being overt, make her choose between you two enough times to make him feel small. When he calls her phone, tell her something that’ll make her laugh so loud it’ll make him feel silly, but don’t engage him directly.

And most importantly, secure her with prayer. I’m telling you, it works. Charge God’s spirit to make the words of any encroacher sound like the stupidest things she ever heard. May his breath stink, and may his body emit an odor potent enough to make a skunk gawk. Yeaah, that be the line. It works. She’ll start describing her pursuants as funny or not serious or shockingly naive, you try it and see. Another thing too is, it allows you to relax and breath. You can trust that she’ll enter the deadliest of dens, but God’s spirit will keep her for you. And because you know you can’t expect your prayer to receive quick response if you’re such a douchebag, you’ll have extra motivation to live right. So there, win-win.

Go bruv, go make your girl happy, keep her, and fire burn all the encroachers. Peace out!

PS: Too many people need this for you to keep to yourself. Share!

PSS: Maybe I should write a rejoinder directly to the hot girls?

[subscribe2]

29 Comments

  1. Doris said:

    Awesome piece, u r one guud guy. any lady wnt mind her guy being in de company of many like u. I mean, in addition to de good advise, he wud learn to play on words like u do.lol

    March 5, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Are you saying D, that you want to put him in touch? lol, because I could inbox you the rate card in a minute! 🙂

      March 6, 2015
      Reply
  2. Nina said:

    Ok, so I admit I’m now seeing this, but when I wasn’t laughing at a point to what you were describing ,I had my hands over my eyes and yeah believe it or not turning red. As I always say thanks for the word and for satisfying the cravings I have for good literary pieces.

    November 30, 2014
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      This blog literally lights up when you drop by. No kidding, have you achieved enlightenment my Chinese darling?

      December 1, 2014
      Reply
  3. victim said:

    Ikr!! God help us!!

    February 5, 2014
    Reply
  4. victim said:

    Yhhh!! But Benji, students re also being undermined by da few cedi earning workers who graduated nt long ago

    February 4, 2014
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Well, then it’s up to the lady to see the bigger picture isnt it? If she’s not ummn…far-sighted enough to see the big picture, then really, is she deserving of you?

      February 5, 2014
      Reply
  5. victim said:

    Hmmm!!

    February 4, 2014
    Reply
  6. paapee said:

    “this much older, unfairly rich lawyer”… ma favourite line. right on point ben! those pot-bellied unfairly rich sugar daddies are the worst offenders b@ no way we allowing them to run of with our ladies…… thumbs up ben!!!

    July 9, 2013
    Reply
  7. Pomaah said:

    wow!:)

    July 8, 2013
    Reply
  8. Angurll said:

    I really am enjoying your blog, Ben. You have a flair for words, to say the least and yes, I am drawn to words so here I am. lol
    I hope to read a lot more from you. kudos!
    ps. I blog too.
    pss. http://daisydating.blog.com/ — that’s moi. Let me know what you think!
    Cheers!

    July 7, 2013
    Reply
  9. Sua said:

    That was quirky and wise. Please we need one for boyfriend perchers x

    July 7, 2013
    Reply
  10. yolanda said:

    lol!!!!!!!!!! boy u r good! God bless you!

    July 5, 2013
    Reply
  11. Emma said:

    Oh chaley, this piece is God sent. Thank you

    July 4, 2013
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      God does work in mysterious ways abi? 🙂

      July 5, 2013
      Reply
  12. Michael Offei said:

    Hahahaha, right on point. Tnx Ben, you just made my day. Facts every guy should be man enough to acknowledge and accept. I loved the ‘SSS bathroom’ part…lmao..who born dog? massa, boys dey roff. Hope you wont take ‘forever’ for your next one. Good job, God bless 😀

    July 4, 2013
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      O naah, smallest time. I’m changed #halo over head

      July 5, 2013
      Reply
  13. Gyatseba said:

    BenJ nie!! Nice piece.

    July 4, 2013
    Reply
  14. hitch said:

    i need good writers for a new magazine i’m interested in your writing style send your phone number so we can talk

    July 4, 2013
    Reply
  15. Nana_Kwame said:

    Awesome….. Spot On

    July 4, 2013
    Reply
  16. Efua Idan Osam said:

    Really enjoyed this. Hope you write one for boyfriend snatchers too. 🙂

    July 4, 2013
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Coming up, in the very near future Efua:-)

      July 5, 2013
      Reply
  17. Nana Aba Nti said:

    Now THAT was worth the long wait. had a smile on my face all through!!
    keep Shining Mr Anyan.

    July 4, 2013
    Reply
  18. Kwadwo Bonsu Boateng said:

    Boss…this is classic and spot on. Boys of today be yaws

    July 4, 2013
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Charley! Talk again o.

      July 5, 2013
      Reply
  19. Josh said:

    Hahahaha. Good one.

    Chale, was about to send you one of “them texts” about how long it’s been. You know? 😉

    July 4, 2013
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Hahaha. Close shave for me then. Been too long!

      July 4, 2013
      Reply

Leave a Reply to Angurll Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *