My Intimate Relationship With Sin.

 

I’ve always sinned, right from infancy. Some of my earliest sins included coveting my brothers bigger meat, lying that I wasn’t the one who used the toilet and didn’t flush, overly enjoying the stimulating warmth of being on Patience’s back as I played her son in a ‘Maame ne Paapa game and deciding that the coins on my mum’s bedside will be better off in my pocket for my Fan Spot icecream agenda.

Sinning then was doused with innocence and naivety. Conviction sometimes came. Perhaps because I couldn’t spell the word, I didn’t feel it so often.

Over the years though, I became more cognizant of sin. One of the prayers I often prayed was “Father make my conscience so sharp that I wont be able to find any pleasure in continuous sin.” I’d feel so terrible when I did something I know to be wrong, then I’d feel dirty and unworthy to talk to God, then I’d wander farther, then I’d do more wrong until suddenly I realize that “O goodness, I’m like a sitting duck right now!”

I read somewhere that when we consciously sin, we are punching holes in God’s protective hedge around us and giving access to darkness into our lives. I’d be so scared and wonder what the devil was going to do to me now that I was so far from God’s will. I’d remember all those declarations I made alongside the prayer warriors, the fire I prayed to fall on them, the sword I prayed to smite them, the confusion I prayed to befall them, then I’d quiver at what would become of me now that I’ve torn down my hedge of protection.

Yes, I used to be white until last year
Yes, I was white when i was little.

On nights like that, waving plantain leaves looked like moonwalking monsters. The barks of dogs made me wonder if they’d seen something ghastly, perhaps something whitish floating in the darkness of the night? As for the curtain blowing and the kitchen door closing dier, hmm, they were the footsteps of a dreadful end that made me crave sunrise. Also, I honestly don’t think the Nigerian films helped.

So I’d rush back to doing right out of fear of the consequence of being vulnerable. Then when I felt like I was back on track, I’d be like “Wheeew, that was a close one!” But sin would return and the cycle would repeat itself and fear would say giggling “Hiiiiiii Beeennnjjiee, I miissseed yoouuuu”. At those times I wouldn’t even pray because what’s the point? I’m going to steal that meat tomorrow anyway, why get God all excited then disappoint him again? In fact at the time of praying for forgiveness, I have fallen for an imaginary temptation of what I’d do if the same situation repeated itself. Arggghhhhh it was such a draaaagg!!! Then somewhere along the line of genuinely purshewing Him, something snapped! It robbed sin of its power in my life, and I hope it does same with you.

I forget whether it was Ravi Zacharias or Jentenzen Franklin, but one of them preached about how wrong it is to let sin keep us from hollering at God. He said (paraphrased) “The devil is the epitome of sin and evil, and even he has audience with God. In all his sin, in the book of Job, didn’t he present himself to God as he usually did? So if even the father of lies, condemned to eternal damnation has audience with God…..how much more you with your nyatinyati sin? Won’t the angels in heaven be more excited to serve you icewater than hosting Lucifer…which they do sometimes?”

I was like “Daaaayyyeeemmm! I’ve been doing myself mugu.” Look fam, saints fall. In fact a saint is a sinner who falls and get’s back up. For if we fall six times, we shall rise seven times. Yes some of us have added a few zeroes to those numbers, but His continuous intercession with the father is enough.

Unconditional means UNCONDITIONAL
Unconditional means UNCONDITIONAL

I wrote to tell you that in your filthiest state, God is still excited to hear from you. The dirt of your worst case scenario sinful state couldn’t turn the red blood of Jesus black. Don’t let your sinful addictions keep you from him. Don’t let the judgmental voices in your head keep you from saying “Hi Jesus” every day. Don’t condemn yourself at the same time that the blood that speaks better things than the blood of Abel is speaking for you. Don’t do it fam. Do you know what it means for love to be unconditional? Try God.

That said, it’ll be such a pity to view this as a license to just go out and swim in lust and do you. God’s unconditional love isn’t like some Credit card you should set out to max out. The simplest expression of gratitude for his unconditional love is your determination to live right. If you stumble and fall, cool, just get back up, but don’t fantacize about the mud you’re going to swim in tomorrow. You deserve a wicked stepmother if you’re like that.

Rather, use sin to get closer to God and become more dependent on him. Let it make you conscious of your faint humanity and the need for His omnipotent divinity. Let it humble you and strip self righteousness away, but whatever you do, don’t let it rule you and don’t let it keep you from the shower of God’s love that’s never turned off. Peace out.

PS: Don’t keep! Share…& then subscribe, okay :-(? 

[subscribe2]

30 Comments

  1. Nai said:

    There goes my Saturday … Stuck in blogosphere and getting some real meat for my weekend. This piece is exactly what I needed. Ah my own affair with Sin mmmh is in series but thank God for redemption because I would really be afraid if Christ isn’t capable of redeeming my soul but he is ! He Is!
    He wants us fam, warts and all.

    August 13, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Mmmyyyy gooodness! looks like we both needed the same thing at the exact same time! Thank God He’s capable…thank God!

      August 13, 2016
      Reply
  2. Kathryn said:

    Aaaaawwww,…God bless you, Ben!!

    June 28, 2016
    Reply
  3. Ama said:

    Just … wow!

    June 28, 2016
    Reply
  4. Nana said:

    Wow I needed this

    April 20, 2016
    Reply
  5. Mona said:

    Am blessed…..Bless u more man!!!

    April 19, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Aaaaammmmeeennn! I rishiv it!

      April 19, 2016
      Reply
  6. Retta said:

    This piece struck a chord in my memories from Uni. I’ll be plain about it.
    I used to have some prayer sessions on the field like thrice a week. So one of the days I was supposed to go, my crush came to visit and there was a serious CPR session (I shudder at the thought of it now). Afterwards, I felt terrible and as evening was approaching even worse cos I had messed up before my date night with my King. I didn’t want to appear in His presence with my filth. There I felt Him speak to me, “yea, you messed up. I know. But where else do you want to go to to get clean if not in My presence?” I think back and I laugh at myself. It’s not as if I wasn’t in His presence already. Thank you Benji

    April 19, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      lol, i love how you put it Retta of CPR fame. lol, but true only He has the cleansing power.

      April 19, 2016
      Reply
  7. Mawuse said:

    I rarely leave a comment on blogs but this struck such a chord within me…that point about why bothering when you know you will disappoint Him again…thanks so much for ur encouragement! I pray for grace to endure!

    April 18, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Yaaaayyyy then this calls for a celebration! I’m glad you wrote, really glad

      April 19, 2016
      Reply
  8. shika said:

    That was just what i needed. right on point. God bless you and keep up the good work

    April 18, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Aaaammmmeeeennn Shiks! I guess we all need this knowledge…we all do.

      April 18, 2016
      Reply
  9. Yayra said:

    I surely do not want a wicked step mother. 😊 God bless you for the word, Ben.

    April 18, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Me neither! lol, good to ‘see’ you Yayra 🙂

      April 18, 2016
      Reply
  10. Maame Aphua said:

    This is amazing! We bless God for such a timely message

    April 17, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Yes yess, there’s nothing like something coming through at the very perfect time.

      April 18, 2016
      Reply
  11. Rosa said:

    I needed this. God bless you

    April 17, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      And just like that Rosa, you’ve made all this worth it. I’m so glad! 😬

      April 17, 2016
      Reply
  12. Adzo said:

    I am lost for words. Bless you wati!

    April 16, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Amen, ameenn, AMEENN! Bless you too Adzo.

      April 17, 2016
      Reply
  13. Sika said:

    Soo bless,our sins shouldn’t keep us far fom God.nice piece

    April 16, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Exactly Sika! You said it right there.👍🏽

      April 17, 2016
      Reply
  14. Deedee said:

    Wow. God bless u

    April 16, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      I rishiv it Dee! And you too!😊

      April 17, 2016
      Reply
  15. Annette said:

    Wow!

    April 16, 2016
    Reply
  16. Bessmah said:

    On point. Bless you!

    April 16, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Aaammeenn! And you too B.

      April 17, 2016
      Reply
  17. Felix said:

    Nice!

    April 16, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Thanks Felix😊

      April 17, 2016
      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *