The One Where I Learned To Love

Hello! Ewuraesi, here. I’m really glad to meet you. I like Ben’s introduction of me, but if he missed anything of interest to you, please let me know.

To tell you the truth, i’m partially excited and partially nervous about all this. I’m hoping it’ll be both fun and edifying for both you and me. I’m not putting myself in a box, but for the most part, I’ll be talking a lot about relationships and general “taboo” topics we are all thinking but not discussing. Also, things from a woman’s perspective. But if there’s anything else you would like to hear about, I’m all ears.

Speaking of relationships, here’s a post that’s part fiction, part factual about falling in love and cheating. Enjoy!

* * * * *

WE sat in my car in front of one of the school buildings. He insisted I come and see him. I insisted I had other things to do, but I would pass by for a few minutes. I pulled up in my tiny car and he walked over, popping his head through the rolled-down window.

“Ewuraesi.”

“Joshua,” I said with a smile.

He walked around and sat in the passenger seat. There we were, sitting in my car, like we had done this many times before. Ignition now turned off because somehow he had convinced me he was worth more than a couple of minutes. Although it was a relatively novel experience, it felt oddly comfortable. It wasn’t hard to replicate the innumerable conversations we had on MSN in real life. Plus he was good-looking, one of those faces that got better the longer you looked at it. We talked about every possible thing, then sat in silence for a while.

“Be my girlfriend,” Josh said, breaking the silence.
I erupted with laughter, which was quickly stopped with my realisation that said laughter wasn’t being echoed. I looked up at him.

“Boss. Slow down small for me eh?” I blurted out.

 He was a little taken aback, but clearly determined, he replied.

“Listen, I like you. We have been talking for a while and we have known each other for a few years. Be my girlfriend.”

“I’ll think about it.”

 A part of me liked that it was more of a statement than it was a question. Be my girlfriend. Almost as if he was sure I was going to immediately say yes. Except, I didn’t actually want to think about it. I thought he was good-looking and we had talked quite a bit, but I didn’t like him. Not like that, anyway. I had no idea why I said I would think about it. I run a plethora of questions through my mind, toying with the idea.

“I’ll think about it,” I repeated. As if the repetition would help rectify my current dilemma.

 Two days later, I threw caution to the wind and said yes. I knew I didn’t like him then, but my heart would come to like him the more time we spent together, I reasoned. Stupid heart. It should learn to stay in its place.

 Like with any other fresh relationship, it had all the bells and whistles for the first couple of months. We would spend an endless amount of time on the phone, always ending with the juvenile “no, you hang up.” His mother liked me and she called me “baby”. His sister thought I was good for him. Shr3, I was a part of the family. His friends were relatively indifferent, which was fine, because I wasn’t too fond of them at the time. Sometimes I would pick him up and give him a ride from school and the boys helped me find him by asking each other “you see Josh? In woman dey search am.” In woman. I liked my name, but Josh in woman had a nice ring to it. We became more aware of each others’ idiosyncrasies. He couldn’t, for the life of him, sleep between 2:40 and 3:20 am. I assigned him his own ringtone, so if he called while I was asleep- and he always did- I would be able to pick up immediately. He knew I liked to drive and would always offer whenever we had to go somewhere in his car.

 Just as quickly as it began, the honeymoon period ended. Arguments became the norm, he became more distant. If we didn’t talk on the phone, it wasn’t a problem, we would talk whenever it happened. Our conversations felt like pulling teeth. As women, we are gifted with intuition, and yet insistent on ignoring it, because it’s not reason, no? I felt a shift, but I didn’t have concrete evidence so it had to just be my mind. Then it was almost as if my role as “girlfriend” was strictly titular. I was the girlfriend but I didn’t know what was going on with him or when or why, for that matter.

 “She’s too closed off. Not emotional. She has her guard up,” Josh mentioned to a friend of mine.

 OH! My intuition knew it wasn’t my lack of emotion. As if emotions were black and white and we must all feel them the same way. However, Josh and I had a conversation that helped make things better for the next few weeks. More open, more communicative, more emotional. His kind, anyway. I learned he had a relatively absentee father he didn’t like to talk about. Sometimes he got depressed or dealt with fears. When someone else shares parts of themselves with you, it changes you. And so it did. It made me more accommodating of his arguing and his temperament.

 And then it happened. I fell in love. Not the kind where if the person became fat, you aren’t sure you were going to love them anymore. The kind where it was part decision and part emotion, so when they annoyed you you still loved them anyway. We would argue and I would call him and say “I don’t want to talk to you, but you’re the only one who makes me feel better.” I had decided I wanted to love Josh.

 When I had decided this is when Josh had made decisions of his own. I got a phone call. No hello, straight to business.
“I think we should take a break”

“Josh, I don’t take breaks. A break is just a nice way of breaking up. If you want to break up, then say so.”

“I don’t want to, I just need a break.”

“From what?”
“Ewuraesi, please. We just argue all the time, the past few weeks have been better, but I think we need time.”

Josh took a break indeed. He cheated. I knew he was cheating, long before this “break” but I refused to listen to my intuition. If cheating were basketball, Josh had made it to the championships and was being awarded MVP. As in, he cheated with more than one girl, in more than one way, more than once. Did he fall for somebody else? Check for that emotional cheating. His frolicking with other girls? Check for that physical cheating. Did he have a local and an international girl? Check for that cyber cheating. I thought I would take a cue from his playbook and call.

 “It was fun while it lasted, Josh.”

“Really, Ewuraesi. It was fun?”

“Yes.”

 Just like that.

 Leaving didn’t make it easy or make my heart immediately stop loving him. I had to leave though. There was no salvaging anything. I decided to move on, but I couldn’t. He was always there, someway, somehow. Then one of his friends kissed me and he found out and I was the one left apologising to no end and playing catch up. Surely, one kiss couldn’t compare to the number he pulled on me. I never got an apology for that. Could I get an apology and a reason? All I cared about was finding out why I got cheated on. What was it I did wrong? What could I have changed? What more could I have done?

 I never found out why. I spent years dwelling on it. Until I was praying one, uneventful day and the Holy Spirit led me to a prayer of forgiveness for Josh.

 “This was two years ago, God. I don’t hate him. I am holding no grudges. We have both moved on.”

 I bargained with the Holy Spirit as if He could be wrong. But He wouldn’t let go, so I succumbed and began to pray. All I could muster was “I forgive him” over and over again. I began to cry and not in a cute way either. I fell to my knees, bawling, nose dripping, kim-kardashian-cry-face in tow.

 Then God spoke to me. I had nothing to do with the cheating. It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t have to question my ability to love someone unconditionally. I didn’t have to wonder what inadequacies I had and how I could alter myself for someone to be faithful. I had no idea I had held a grudge for two years. Trust God to show you things you thought you already knew.

 I wasn’t put in that situation by God. Minami ko p3 mihuas3m. God used it to teach me what it was to truly love, though. Prior to Josh I had no idea if I was capable of that kind of love. Granted, I loved my family and some of my friends, but I didn’t know I could love someone romantically. That was the point. Instead of dwelling on the negativity of that relationship, I finally, two years later, saw it for the teaching point God intended for it to be. I wanted God to show me what love was, but I wasn’t reddaaay! It would have been nice in a fairy-tale. Prince charming and some Rapunzel hair. God was telling me He doesn’t teach through fairy tales.

 Josh is where I learned to love. That’s why he was put in my life.

 

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77 Comments

  1. Abe said:

    ooooohhhh Ewurasi…hhmmmm. Im waiting to know my lesson

    April 29, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Ooooh. What happened?

      May 1, 2016
      Reply
  2. Esa Abla said:

    ewuraesi
    I love your piece. Got me thinking….
    kudos

    April 27, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Thinking what?
      Shareee

      April 27, 2016
      Reply
  3. Kekeli said:

    Thanks Ewuraesi! It was such an easy and thoroughly enjoyable read.
    Can’t wait to read more from you, more grace!

    March 27, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      I’m glad! hopefully I can keep it up.

      Amen Amen!

      April 27, 2016
      Reply
  4. shika said:

    amazing piece Ewuraesi. Bargaining with the Holy Spirit as if He could be wrong really got to me. thanks for this piece. Amazing lesson

    March 22, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      You’re welcome.

      Thank YOU for reading.

      April 27, 2016
      Reply
  5. maame frema said:

    i love the story….. bless u ewura

    February 25, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Thank you. Bless you too!

      April 27, 2016
      Reply
  6. There was not a dull moment reading this piece! Thank you, Ben!

    February 14, 2016
    Reply
    • Oops! This was written by Ewuraesi rather! I am so sorry. Good piece, girl!

      February 15, 2016
      Reply
      • BenJ said:

        Lol, too late, i have taken the fans for myself.

        February 18, 2016
        Reply
      • Ewuraesi said:

        Haha! Thank you.

        Don’t mind Ben.

        April 27, 2016
        Reply
  7. Maame A said:

    Story of my life !! Lol 2yrs of holding a grudge (one you weren’t sure you were holding lol) not easy !! Without forgiveness , moving on …. You lie bad (lol), !! But I like this perspective….”where I learned to love ‘😊 better than seeing it as “wasted years”. Great Piece and Welcome 😊 looking forward to more …God bless you!

    February 8, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Hahaha! Isn’t everything really about the way you look at it? It can’t be wasted if you learned from it.

      God bless you too, Maama.

      February 11, 2016
      Reply
  8. Annette said:

    Wow!!! Welcome Esi…. From this day, i will listen to HIM..

    February 5, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Isn’t life always easier when we do?

      Thank you. :)

      February 6, 2016
      Reply
  9. Kathryn said:

    “As women, we are gifted with intuition, and yet insistent on ignoring it, because it’s not reason, no? ” So true…lol
    Great piece, Ewuraesi. Welcome aboard. Looking forward to more great pieces from you😊 😊.

    February 5, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Thank you so much!
      I’m looking forward to sharing some. :)

      February 6, 2016
      Reply
  10. Araba said:

    Thanks for this piece…
    Was like I was reading my own story… Thanks so much

    February 5, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      It was my pleasure, Araba.
      Thank you for reading it.

      February 6, 2016
      Reply
  11. Naakuor said:

    Great read…Love…smh

    February 5, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Thank you.
      I like your name.
      Haha. Love is a beautiful thing, Naakuor!

      February 6, 2016
      Reply
  12. Koshie said:

    Well I also remember where I learnt to love.. Sometimes you have to experience bad times in order to appreciate good times when they come your way. Bless you

    February 5, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      I agree! God bless YOU!

      February 6, 2016
      Reply
  13. Rennie said:

    Got me thinking if I have really forgiven him amd moved on.. :) welcome aboard Esi.

    February 5, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Worth thinking about. I never realised how much it held me back, the unforgiveness.

      Thank you, Rennie.

      February 6, 2016
      Reply
  14. Nana Poku said:

    “kim-kardashian-cry-face in tow”
    hahaha

    February 5, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      :)

      February 6, 2016
      Reply
  15. Nana Yaa said:

    Well done Ewuraesi.
    I went through a similar experience but it is well. Our experiences help us grow.

    February 4, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Thank you.
      They really do, our experiences. But we can always look back and write stories about them. :)

      February 5, 2016
      Reply
  16. Esi Asinyo said:

    hmmmm! i can so relate to this. i could see me all over the story sis… the only question now is should i quit to? is he where i learned to love?

    February 4, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Mmmm, Esi. That’s a conclusion you will have to come to on your own. But i trust there’s a part of you that that has been quietly telling you what to do- listen to it.

      Let me know how that goes! (actually)

      February 5, 2016
      Reply
  17. dela said:

    Aww..Josh is where I learned to love. So you can now love better ehh

    February 4, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Kraaa!

      February 5, 2016
      Reply
  18. Maame Efua said:

    Nice piece.

    February 4, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Thank you!

      February 5, 2016
      Reply
  19. Stacey said:

    Ewurasi,love ur post,can really see myself in it. Thanks for sharing.

    February 4, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Thank you for reading, Stacey!

      February 5, 2016
      Reply
  20. Akeela said:

    Wonderful. I can really identify myself in this story. Thanks for sharing.

    February 4, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Yay, i’m pleased it resonated with you.
      Thank you for reading!

      February 5, 2016
      Reply
  21. Paysh712 said:

    Awesome read Ewuraesi! Welcome on board :)

    February 3, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Thank you very much!

      February 5, 2016
      Reply
  22. Naana Esi said:

    I love you already Esi my name sake

    February 3, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Aaah, Miss. Esi. Come and let’s bond.

      February 5, 2016
      Reply
  23. Joanitta said:

    Amazing story. It speaks of my life in a way. Sometimes we feel we have moved on…but we hold grudges subconsciously. Thank God for the Holy Spirit

    February 3, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      It’s always necessary to look back to see where we’ve come from, so we know where we’re going, they say.

      Thank God for Him, indeed.

      February 5, 2016
      Reply
  24. dorcas said:

    Ewuraesi, ewuraesi, ewuraesi! Welcome wai, hope you don’t leave us after this. Good one there..

    February 3, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Thank you oooh, thank you.
      I’ll try not to leave.

      February 5, 2016
      Reply
  25. Edem said:

    Lol.. Was like I was reading my own story.. . Thank you and God bless you 😊 😉

    February 3, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Eeeiiii Edem I am interested paaaa. Details!

      February 3, 2016
      Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      God bless you, more.
      But yes, we are interested paaa. Please, share!

      February 5, 2016
      Reply
  26. Elorm said:

    all i gotta say is, Ewuraesi, welcome. again

    February 3, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      :) :) :)

      February 5, 2016
      Reply
  27. Kelly said:

    Great piece Ewuraesi !!

    February 3, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Thank you, Kelly.

      February 5, 2016
      Reply
  28. Leslie said:

    Whoa what an entrance! Good piece. It’s always an amazing experience when the HS “opens your eyes” like this

    February 3, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Aww, thank you thank you. Isn’t it?

      February 5, 2016
      Reply
  29. Nii-Baah said:

    Hi Ewuraesi! Where were you all this while? Thanks for this. Lovely!

    February 3, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Hello, Nii. I was hiding under a little rock. Thank you for reading.

      February 5, 2016
      Reply
  30. geoegina said:

    Good piece. Welcome Ewuraesi

    February 3, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Thank you, thank you.

      February 5, 2016
      Reply
  31. Aquosuah said:

    good read!

    February 3, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Thank you!

      February 5, 2016
      Reply
  32. Nana said:

    ” I bargained with the Holy Spirit as if He could be wrong. But He wouldn’t let go, so I succumbed and began to pray. ” Good piece! I like!!!

    February 3, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Thank you. I’m glad you liked it.

      February 5, 2016
      Reply
  33. Naa said:

    I love how you spoke about the Holy Spirit. On point. ☺ ☺☺. He will always reveal grudges and feelings you were never aware of.

    February 3, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      He’s great like that.

      February 5, 2016
      Reply
  34. Letitia said:

    Yes. More of you here will do us some good 😉

    February 3, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Why, thank you. I’m hoping it does me some good, too.

      February 5, 2016
      Reply
  35. Willyem said:

    Wonderful!!!! Welcome Ewuraesi!!

    February 3, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      Aah, thank you. Thank you.

      February 5, 2016
      Reply
  36. Maame Yaa said:

    Whoa… This is very eye-opening for me. Thank you Ewuraesi. 😊

    February 3, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      I’ve heard a little about you, Maame. It was a pleasure.

      February 5, 2016
      Reply
  37. Naa said:

    Ewuraesi I love it. Welcome 👌

    February 3, 2016
    Reply
    • Ewuraesi said:

      I’m glad you do. Thank you. :)

      February 5, 2016
      Reply

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