A Groom’s Biggest Mistake- will you commit it too?

sad groom

Originally posted 7/16/2010
Unlike most people, my favorite part of a wedding isn’t when the groom locks his lips with the bride’s –by their wedding day, that’s standard greeting– My favorite part is when the organist starts playing the infamous ‘taantantanaa, taantantanaaaa…” to usher the bride in. The groom standing at the altar turns –along with everyone at the wedding- to catch a glimpse of the gorgeous bride as she stealthily picks her steps and glides down the red carpet like she was in slow-motion roller skates.

I don’t join in the chorus; there’ll be more time to feast my eyes on the ravishing bride later. Instead, I shift my focus to the groom. That instant when he sees his to-be life partner walking down the aisle to seal a life-long commitment being witnessed by dearest friends and close family, what does his face say? Lost in the emotions and realities he finds himself in, his face at that instant is incapable of lying. In that instant when everyone’s watching the bride march in, his face speaks freely.

Usually –which is the ideal situation- he’s in content disbelief, humming to the infamous twi Gospel song; Nti mi paa me nie, na w’ay3 me sei eee…(so is this really me God, that you’ve been soo good to?). He might even have teary eyes; tears of joy. Dreading in his heart that part of the ceremony where the priest asks “if anyone here has any reason why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony, he should speak now….”

At other times he wears a charming smile, proud of his choice and eagerly anticipating the orgasmically magical frolicking that their night will be gifted with –especially if he’s virgin. A few times I’ve caught a groom licking his lips like he would if he was looking at delicious food (lol, lying).

On rare occasions though, the groom’s face wears the most worrying expression; disdain. Like he’s on the verge of slitting his wrist, but can’t stop because he’s been holding the blade for ten years, and getting married (a.k.a slitting his wrist) seems the neat &right thing to do in everyone’s eyes. His heart is heavy, his hopes are bleak, his libido extinct and at the wedding reception, he’s already asking his friends for recommendations of who’s the best divorce lawyer in town.

I’m not kidding o, not all grooms look at their brides in the same way as they walk down the aisle! Some relish, others regret. So the question I’ll like you to help me answer is; Why would a sane mortal walk down the aisle and pledge eternal commitment to a partner he/she can’t picture a lifetime with?

The theories underlying some weddings are totally unbelievable. For example I’m told of a certain young doctor who married a woman because her father –a prominent doctor- had literally pulled him through medical school. How e go fit tok sey e not go marry am? Kweerrrr.

The most popular unfortunate reason for a marriage is “He’s the father of my baby; I don’t want my baby to be a bastard. Maybe someday I’ll love him for real” B.S!!! or, “I’ve been with Kobe all of my adult life, am I now going to start afresh with another person? Isn’t this devil I know better than the devil I do not know?”

Of course friends, we all admire them kind marriages where the granny picks up grandpa’s fake teeth from the floor, and grandpa helps her with the walking stick while she’s in the process. I think it’s because they made some pretty important decisions in their youth. I agree strongly with whoever said that “it’s sad that we spend decades learning and preparing for a career we’ll retire from by 60, and invest little time in preparing for a commitment meant to last a life-time”

I find that the person I decide to spend the rest of my life with could so greatly influence what I achieve in this life and even my salvation. It makes simple sense that I’m careful and prayerful about my heart’s last stop. It’s not just romantic business; a decision that affects career, salvation and academic heights really is worth every detailed attention.

If when you think of marrying your sweetheart, adultery doesn’t seem abominable, watch it. Because even if you truly couldn’t imagine cheating on her, you could. So how much more when you’re not sure?

It’s hard to end something you have a gut-feeling won’t result in a blissful lifetime commitment, but when you’ve tried as hard as you can, maybe you should be bold about it. It’s hard to end a friendship, but it’s even harder to end a relationship. It’s difficult to end a relationship, but even more difficult to end a courtship. It’s dreadful to end a courtship, but even more dreadful is ending a marriage and becoming a divorce statistic pastors’ll base their sermons on.

So don’t become the sad-faced groom or teary-eyed bride (not tears of joy o). Call a spade a spade, not a big tea spoon. Invest more time in an edifying, lifetime relationship, and you’ll have done yourself the next best thing to saying the sinner’s prayer. Don’t you think?

PS: Like & Share the link to this post on your facebook wall, if you can. Originally posted 7/16/2010



  1. Nife said:

    methinks so too… glad i stumbled on this after my self-imposed hiatus. happy to be back. miss being here, being edified and challenged by your posts, Ben….
    ps: you just encouraged me to be on-time @ weddings to do some “groom-expression-watching”

    October 6, 2015
  2. matrixx said:

    i never seem encouraged by your blogs..most only breed fears and anxieties..Feeding on them will ruin relationships…not mine though…You should find a more tactical way to end your articles…If you really want to help people out there..people are looking for answers and not to be fed with doubts and uncertainty.

    August 24, 2014
    • BenJ said:

      Wow Matrixx, so why did you wait so long to say something? I would have loved this feedback even more if you’d given it much earlier. Anyways, thanks so much. I get from your comment that you’ve been through quite a number of my posts, that says a lot. I really appreciate that. About the breeding of fear and anxieties, do you feel same about even the recent posts? I’d like to know.
      RE: ending on notes of fear and uncertainty; maybe I’m not as explicit as I should be, but Goldinwords in its barest state is a scheme. A scheme to lure people in with dramatic titles and captivating intros and then get them to ask hard questions only God can give the right answers to. Goldinwords exists to enrich contemporary young people with posts that edify. Help me determine if that’s being achieved, will you?

      August 25, 2014
  3. Emmanuel said:

    Wow…that’s wisdom. Thanks man!

    May 13, 2013

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *