The 5 Stages in Making Lemonade…!

anger - thoughtWhenever I decide to write, I spend a little time in thought to set me off. I pick a thought out of the maelstrom of ideas swirling through my mind daily and let the words fall as they should. The easiest ball to set rolling, however, is that which stems from either recent experiences or unfinished thoughts and conversations.

I, however, find myself needing to vent today, just get a few things off my chest that are causing havoc upstairs here. It’s not because of a lack of topics, though – I mean, I did take the famed Mr. Kwashie’s tailored suit out this weekend and I believe my social status appreciated by at least 35-54% at that beautiful wedding *wink* *wink*; I was in Accra and couldn’t say hi to all the people I was supposed to meet up with because I was busy (for which I’ll be apologizing profusely over the next few weeks to months, I’m sure); and then I discovered the joys of night travel on a bus between Sunyani and Accra (as long as you don’t have the middle backseat and a man next to you doesn’t politely ask that you allow his 7-year old to lie on a cloth in front of y’all so she can sleep…! Yes, that’s another typically Ghanaian long story…!)

anger - dustAll that was interesting and all, but my mind’s consumed now with something I came back to meet when I got home to Sunyani. I’d thought that the only mess I’d come to meet would be the inch or so of dust on the car I parked outside, instead I came to meet quite the disappointment when I got back to work the very same day.

This is not what I expected at all for my 2016, but it’s here now. And I’m still reeling, really.

But because at heart I’m equal parts Artist and Scientist, my brain decided to subtly remind me of the Stages of Grief just before I slipped into Anger, affording me the opportunity to look at the whole situation in a somewhat disconnected manner from another angle.

Anger - grief 2Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969 wrote of a model of dealing with grief that described 5 stages one passed through in coming to terms with bereavement. These stages have been extrapolated to other states and causes of grief – not just death or dying – in popular circles ever since and though there have been a number of challenges to it, in essence I’m willing to bet that even you can categorise your manner of dealing with your last great Downer in terms of these stages. She spoke of Denial –> Anger –> Bargaining –> Depression –> Acceptance, but later added that it did not necessarily present in such a linear manner in all cases, progressing from one stage to the next.

Anger - griefWhen I was confronted with the Disappointment, I didn’t spend as much time in Denial because fighting a fact has never seemed like a viable option to me generally. I guess I’ve been doomed blessed with the ability to decide not to rage against the facts of life for too long, especially when I cannot change them.

The Anger though has been the problem. You see, when you put effort and money and prayer into achieving a goal and you believe it’s a done deal, only for the goalpost to be shifted at the last minute, it’s fair cause for some  amount of righteous fury…in my opinion. I think I’m still angry that I didn’t focus on other things other people were getting and make my decisions, instead of sticking to my guns and pressing forward in hopes of a goal that’s now been snatched away…seemingly.

I’m starting to try rationalizing my way out of this state of Upset: I’m young and smart, I can start all over again; I have other maybe even better options – but I’m mostly pissed over the Time I’ve wasted.

Anger -josephIt’s getting to be quite the spiral down into doom & gloom…until I’m suddenly reminded of someone else who worked for 7 years in hope of gaining his love, only to have the goalpost switched at the last minute! Jacob did extra time of 7 more years until he attained Rachel’s hand in marriage. If he’d gotten pissed off and flipped his uncle Laban the bird before stalking back to his father’s house +/- Leah, what would have happened to the great House of Israel when the famine came and they had no Joseph in Egypt…?

I’m led to believe that this is part of Someone’s plan for me. Someone is aware of this setback. And if that Someone is in on this (as I believe He is because I kept him in the loop of it all from the beginning), I’m going to be cool with this. Maybe not all at once though, but soon…Anger - hands

 

I’m encouraged that when things don’t go your way, when the chips don’t fall how you’d have wanted them to, when things break instead of bounce, when the doors are slammed in your face instead of swinging wide, when those great expectations are not met after all, giving it all to Him makes ALL the difference.Anger - Note

…Tele 😉

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18 Comments

  1. Naashika Saka said:

    It’s interesting how this post is abt a personal set back nd yet I sooo relate to i,t but tis well ladat. And oh yh, dis is probably me at da acceptance stage, but He definitely must be in on it and has sm thing mega planned to make it work for our good or else what’s da point of having kept Him in da loop all this time even thanking Him for having done it already…aloo? Bless yu Tele

    March 11, 2016
    Reply
    • Tele said:

      Amen Naashika 🙂
      I’m glad this article was able to help small..

      March 11, 2016
      Reply
  2. Ofosua said:

    I haven’t been able to catch up in a while. However, reading this this Saturday morning is a cup of cool water on a hot harmattan day. God bless you for putting this up, Tele.

    January 16, 2016
    Reply
    • Tele said:

      Amen Ofosua, Amen!

      February 6, 2016
      Reply
  3. Modupe said:

    Tele, come get a huge hug….it won’t make this go away but it will make you feel better!

    January 14, 2016
    Reply
    • Tele said:

      Thanks Modupe. You’ll be hearing from me soon, I promise 🙂

      January 15, 2016
      Reply
  4. Leslie said:

    righteous fury, righteous ranting!! chale it’s never easy but soon as the perspective that all things are working together for your good, because God loves you and He hasn’t ditched you yet, all we can do is be thankful, keep hope, have faith and continue to walk in love. You can only get better my brother, you can only get better

    January 14, 2016
    Reply
    • Tele said:

      Thanks Les. You never know how much your encouragement means to someone until you’re in that position yourself..

      January 15, 2016
      Reply
  5. Abena said:

    I hope its not tied to your finances

    January 12, 2016
    Reply
    • Tele said:

      No, thank God! But it’s gonna be okay, thanks for your concern..!

      January 12, 2016
      Reply
  6. Adnirod said:

    Most of us, swimming against the tides of trouble the world knows nothing about, need only a bit of praise or encouragement – and we will make the goal. “
    – Jerome Fleishman
    This too shall pass Tele…
    PS: could you please answer Nhyira’s question? asking for a friend too….

    January 12, 2016
    Reply
    • Tele said:

      Thanks for the encouragement…
      Ps. look below for my answer to Nhyira too

      January 12, 2016
      Reply
  7. Nhyira said:

    Tele, my question you didn’t answer is – is this loss one that puts you back on the dating market? Asking for a friend 😉

    January 12, 2016
    Reply
    • Tele said:

      Herh Nhyira! Send your friend to ask (her)self wae 😛 lol!

      January 12, 2016
      Reply
      • Nhyira said:

        Oooh, why are you being long la? If it is, she still has to give you a respectable grieving period before she slides into your inbox so just tell me so I can tell her if she should start counting.

        January 13, 2016
        Reply
  8. Precious said:

    *if it gets to the point of shedding tears

    January 12, 2016
    Reply
  9. Precious said:

    “… When we are weak, He becomes stronger… So rest in His love and cats all of your cares on Him…” It’s a song from Don Moen I sing to myself when I am down (and done or to stop crying if to shedding tears 😁). No matter what the setback is, remember… Our God is able, He is mighty, he is FAITHFUL… (also part of the song).
    Sorry for what you are going through… It shall be well

    January 12, 2016
    Reply
    • Tele said:

      Thanks dearie, I’ll be keeping that in mind 😉

      January 12, 2016
      Reply

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