Every day draws us further into our future and further away from our past. As I also keep saying, “the mistakes you make in your early 20’s have far more grievous consequences in your later 20’s“. If you’re going to toe the line the majority will, sooner or later you’re going to become someone’s wife or husband. I’ve also come to see that we put so much effort into preparing to get married that we fail to realise that we’ve put in zilch effort into being married, by the time we are married…and that’s one surefire recipe for disaster, guys (more on that in another post down the line though). Ladies, ever been taken home to Mama before? Did you pass?? Oh, you didn’t realise it was a test?! Like seriously?? *Whew* Then read on – everybody does well with some apor after all 😉
I’m writing from this angle because I’m… *sigh* (I know this will get me into a lot of trouble but I’m going to say it In This Context Alone and then it is Finished…!) I am Mama’s boy. I’m the last born and the only son of my mother so you’ve got to believe me when I say I’ve got some right (or is it responsibility?) to write this today. I sometimes write stuff that needs to be said too – and heard – at least once in your life by a close friend (whom you’ll hopefully believe…but I digress).
My attention was drawn to an old piece I wrote some time ago – about who a Lady was – by a friend of mine a week ago and as I went through it all over again my Muse started whispering in my ear. She asked me a simple question: “What next?”
Statistics have shown that generally men say “I love you” first in most relationships – within a month of going out actually – while women generally do so from 2 to 3 months later. I put forward a hypothesis some time ago that Men take Love more seriously than Women but it went so far against accepted beliefs concerning romance between the sexes that I could almost physically see the people I shared that thought with chesting the notion off themselves!
But I still stand by it. Men cry too. We hurt too. We think a lot too. We get that deep cut within our chest too seeing you with that guy you insisted was just your gym buddy laughing and hugging just 2 weeks after you ask for ‘some time to think about us’.
But I digress again…taking her to Mama has been a social saying synonymous with ‘hanging up your boots’, ‘turning in your bachelor card’, ‘settling down’ and ‘no more running with the herd’ amongst others. The need to euphemize it alone lets you know of the otherwise traumatic nature of said event. Men generally love their freedom and if they are going to let it go, it had better be for one hell of a good reason – enter You (a.k.a. the Showstopper Extraordinaire). It would be great if that was the end of the story but it’s really just the beginning. Lots of things come into play from then on. But now and here, I want to talk about Mama.
Personally I think Mama is extra critical of her son’s new catch for numerous reasons, not just the anklet on her leg O.o .
Mama was once (or twice, or more times) Someone’s new catch before and she knows/believes she set a standard, and therefore would consider it a shameful loss if her man of a son presented her with someone who didn’t at least equalise with her, if not outright better her in that.
She knows a lot about ‘these flashy young women nowadays’ and though they think it’s 2015 and her expertise was at its peak in the late ‘70s to ‘80s, she’s wise enough now through her successes and failures to realise that nothing is really new under the sun. That’s why she bounced the young lawyer Vida last time – she saw in her the seeds that had taken root already that would germinate into the tree – and fruit – that was already evident in how Mrs. Apraku was currently treating her husband, which was causing schisms in their marriage today; after all, weren’t they roommates back in the day?
Mama also knows her son, the Chief Architect of that big Firm, far better than Francine does. Francine met him in his 2015 Kia Optima and they’ve been lunching at Santoku on Mondays, Holiday Inn on Wednesdays and Asanka on Fridays for the past 6 months. She’s got to know him and love his jetsetter lifestyle and because she’s from a humble background, he thinks she’s humble enough to be the same person she is today years down the line. Or she could also be the daughter of that Minister who has taken such elegance as the norm since birth. Either way, Mama sees that Francine isn’t built to last through the dry years because she isn’t even aware that Mr. Architect was sponsored through University after his father’s untimely passing by a cantankerous cocoa farmer uncle who insisted on him carrying cocoa bags during his vacation to ‘toughen him up’. Mama was also there to see the look on Francine’s face when her son laughed at the story of his earlier hustle on a bicycle after graduation looking for employment. Mama didn’t like it and she ‘weighed’ Francine in between those 2 issues and found her wanting…Not approved!
Mama knows her Boy because she knows his father too, you see. This apple rarely, if ever, falls far from the tree. Their characters are so similar sometimes that there is some feedback and they end up upset with each other just because they are saying the same thing but from different angles. Stubbornness is just one of their traits. She then looks at who he’s brought home and realizes that her sweetness and niceness wouldn’t create the ideal environment for Junior to grow because he could end up inadvertently bullying Adjoa into a lot of things she may grow to despise him for. That’s why she draws her aside once and insists she come to visit her often, so she can tell her about Junior’s other side discreetly, and maybe put some backbone into her while at it. It’s an Internship in ‘Junior’ Studies in secret, and the only way Mama will allow that marriage is if Adjoa passes with flying colours.
Mama also is wise enough to know that the best way of figuring out if her son’s new catch is good for him is…to look at he himself! If she makes him happier, she could be it. If she makes him stronger, she could be it. If she’s already started building him up, she could be it. If she brings him closer to God, she could be it. If she changes his language (for the better), she could be it. But probably most importantly, if that thing within her is silent and satisfied, she believes that he must have made the right choice.
He takes her home to Mama because his rose-tinted glasses have made him blind to her glaring flaws and he needs some objectivity, and approval, of his choice from an authority he can trust – Mama. She also knows the burden he’s placed on her and nothing short of due diligence will do.
Fathers may be damned and forgotten but Mama will almost always be there.
Sweetheart-in-waiting, what would Mama think about you?