The Husband Snatcher’s Nightmare.

I’m unmarried and I’m a guy so maybe I can’t understand why some women are so desperate to be Mrs. I can’t get how the sister doesn’t care that the man she’s calling ‘Baby’ has two teenage kids and a baby that’s still on breast-milk.

People like that see marriage as some sort of new beginning that forgives and forgets what you destroyed and who you crushed to get into it. As if once you walk down that aisle, everything else that isn’t adding up in your life will suddenly come together.

“I’m done with Uni, I just finished my National Service…I think the next major thing I have to do is to get married…latest by June next year.”

How can you give it a deadline like it’s some school admission date? It’s those kind of deadlines that make you desperate when you should be waiting on God. The fear of not meeting them drives you to make compromises you otherwise wouldn’t have…then playing foul to get him becomes okay…acceptable.

The shame with that is, you spend too much energy looking over your shoulders. Every house help, his female friends, even his pretty 3rd cousin is a threat. I think playing dirty to get married doesn’t put you in a marriage, it gets you into this cage that gradually imprisons the bliss and the peace of mind you hoped for. You end up with marriage’s dirty, ugly cousin.

But like I said, what do I know right? There is someone who does know though. She sent me a mail after reading Maame Yaa’s post about 1st aid for a break-up. Everything came to a standstill as I read it; the fact that it was so powerful, wasn’t fiction and yet so full of drama and nuggets. I couldn’t tell Alice’s story better, so I’m just pasting it as it came in. Let me know your thoughts after;

 

perf mist“Hi Ben, I’m thinking this could pass for one of your subjects. I am divorced. Got divorced just 14 months after marriage. One of the several reasons was that he was having an affair. He went so far as to invite the lady over to our matrimonial bed during our separation and even impregnated her before our divorce was finalized.

They are married with 2 children. He’s now back apologizing and expressing his love. Very funny but that is not even the issue. He’s pathetic. The lady who ‘meandered’ her way into the marriage is now afraid that I will stage a ‘coup’ like she did. She’s sent me abusive messages before but I chose to ignore them and reassure her. I have had several opportunities to start something with the gentleman but I haven’t and never will. He’s not worth it.

I am amused and surprised that she’s afraid I will do exactly what she did to me. We had a 7-month old baby when I was asked to leave by my ex and God –as good and faithful as He is- has taken care of us; Naa is 7 now.

I haven’t changed much physically but something gave emotionally and I could easily take my pound of flesh, but I am not that kind of person and they have 2 innocent children who may suffer. What caused the vulture to go bald may kill the house fowl. Mind what you do to others is the lesson. Marriage is part of life but isn’t life. The sort of things ladies do to get married is amusing and frightening. I got scalded and I still grapple with fears in relationships so I have stayed off, but here you are with the ring but not the heart. I think I should write a story on that. Ha ha. Anyway thanks for your write ups. I love them especially your sense of humor.”

 

What do you think guys?

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18 Comments

  1. Betto said:

    It’s amazing how we all are confused with what marriage really is. I guess the bottom line is ‘not to be greedy and selfish’. You can’t marry and stay married is toy are so greedy and selfish. Some of our ladies also think they can have it all at anytime because they are man’s weakness; be wise, else you’ll never get being disappointed.

    September 27, 2015
    Reply
  2. Beckhar said:

    If he cheated to get you, he is likely to cheat on you to get someone else. We girls need to realise that. Marriage is something but not everything

    September 25, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      #Two fingers in the air! You’re right Beckhar, very much so.

      September 26, 2015
      Reply
  3. Takyiwa said:

    It is really sad. Sometimes we don’t think about the one on the other side. Anyway, being cheated on can scar for a long time. She shouldn’t let it ruin future relationships.

    September 25, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      I hope same Takyiwa, but I can see how difficult it’ll be to totally bury the scars of this one. But there’s grace, so there’s hope.

      September 26, 2015
      Reply
      • Takyiwa said:

        True! Grace, perfect grace. :)
        Our scars make us who we are though.

        October 9, 2015
        Reply
  4. Elise said:

    As they say, what goes around comes around…. It’s sad that 7 year old Naa and her moher had to go through this. But be rest assured – God avenges us! Ihope that you find a fulfilling relationship and an awesome man who will love you and love Naa as his own. Remember that Hes promised to restore to us the years the locusts have eaten!

    September 25, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      I’ve not said a bigger ‘Amen’ all week! Amen!

      September 26, 2015
      Reply
  5. Ewuradjoa said:

    Sometimes I really wonder what goes through their pathetic little minds (clearly I’m unbiased lol). They lie to themselves that the other woman is flawed and that they deserve the guy only to realize that jiggerman may apply that same philosophy to replace them. Bottom line: cheaters never win

    September 25, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Those puny myopic minds (clearly we’re equally unbiased, lol).

      September 26, 2015
      Reply
  6. Maame said:

    What ever happened to the adage “all married men have AIDS (Avoidance Is important Deficiency Syndrome)?

    September 25, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      I think it went away and lost it’s way back. It’s been replaced with ADBD (All Die Be Die)

      September 26, 2015
      Reply
  7. naana said:

    what is good for the goose is also good for the gander. What was she thinking before snatching someone elses husband?
    Marriage is good but marriage isnt the ultimate.
    Pls ladies, lets wise up! marriage doesnt complete you. Theres more to life than marriage.
    What is as nice as, waiting on God till he gets you a man of your own?
    Mercy!!!

    September 25, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      I couldnt have said it better Naana, i couldnt have. :)

      September 26, 2015
      Reply
  8. Ese said:

    This is definitely true. If he cheated on his ex- wife with you, what gives you the assurance he won’t cheat on you with someone else, better still his ex-wife. You are now issuing threats. You wanted to be in her shoes, but you never thought of what would happen after you’ve seized the shoes. Whatever you did to get those shoes, someone is planning worse. Evil smirk on. I’m so in love with the saying ‘What caused the vulture to go bald may kill the house fowl’. Totally stealing it. I love this post Ben.

    September 25, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      That was my most favorite part of all too! Takes a great deal of maturity to arrive at that conclusion though, lucky thing she did; the snatcher wont have stood a chance!

      September 26, 2015
      Reply
  9. Nana said:

    Wow. Great lesson for all!

    September 25, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Ampa!

      September 26, 2015
      Reply

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