I’m unmarried and I’m a guy so maybe I can’t understand why some women are so desperate to be Mrs. I can’t get how the sister doesn’t care that the man she’s calling ‘Baby’ has two teenage kids and a baby that’s still on breast-milk.
People like that see marriage as some sort of new beginning that forgives and forgets what you destroyed and who you crushed to get into it. As if once you walk down that aisle, everything else that isn’t adding up in your life will suddenly come together.
“I’m done with Uni, I just finished my National Service…I think the next major thing I have to do is to get married…latest by June next year.”
How can you give it a deadline like it’s some school admission date? It’s those kind of deadlines that make you desperate when you should be waiting on God. The fear of not meeting them drives you to make compromises you otherwise wouldn’t have…then playing foul to get him becomes okay…acceptable.
The shame with that is, you spend too much energy looking over your shoulders. Every house help, his female friends, even his pretty 3rd cousin is a threat. I think playing dirty to get married doesn’t put you in a marriage, it gets you into this cage that gradually imprisons the bliss and the peace of mind you hoped for. You end up with marriage’s dirty, ugly cousin.
But like I said, what do I know right? There is someone who does know though. She sent me a mail after reading Maame Yaa’s post about 1st aid for a break-up. Everything came to a standstill as I read it; the fact that it was so powerful, wasn’t fiction and yet so full of drama and nuggets. I couldn’t tell Alice’s story better, so I’m just pasting it as it came in. Let me know your thoughts after;
“Hi Ben, I’m thinking this could pass for one of your subjects. I am divorced. Got divorced just 14 months after marriage. One of the several reasons was that he was having an affair. He went so far as to invite the lady over to our matrimonial bed during our separation and even impregnated her before our divorce was finalized.
They are married with 2 children. He’s now back apologizing and expressing his love. Very funny but that is not even the issue. He’s pathetic. The lady who ‘meandered’ her way into the marriage is now afraid that I will stage a ‘coup’ like she did. She’s sent me abusive messages before but I chose to ignore them and reassure her. I have had several opportunities to start something with the gentleman but I haven’t and never will. He’s not worth it.
I am amused and surprised that she’s afraid I will do exactly what she did to me. We had a 7-month old baby when I was asked to leave by my ex and God –as good and faithful as He is- has taken care of us; Naa is 7 now.
I haven’t changed much physically but something gave emotionally and I could easily take my pound of flesh, but I am not that kind of person and they have 2 innocent children who may suffer. What caused the vulture to go bald may kill the house fowl. Mind what you do to others is the lesson. Marriage is part of life but isn’t life. The sort of things ladies do to get married is amusing and frightening. I got scalded and I still grapple with fears in relationships so I have stayed off, but here you are with the ring but not the heart. I think I should write a story on that. Ha ha. Anyway thanks for your write ups. I love them especially your sense of humor.”
What do you think guys?
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