Made By A Woman.

Maybe if you dig deep, veeeeerrrryy deep, you’ll find more than two kinds of men, but only these two interest me today; there’s the kind that go out looking for a woman to complete their jigsaw puzzle and  want the last thing left on their checklist struck out. Then there are those who have come to understand how influential the woman they spend their life with is to what becomes of them. To them, a woman isn’t an accessory, she’s an amplifier through which the feeble tone of their ambition can be heard the world over.

The former don’t really matter to me, and I don’t envy the women who end up with them. Usually, a woman who becomes the Mrs. to a man who already has all his chips in his pocket has much less say in his affairs. Her response to his folly, infidelity or insensitivity is cautiously expressed through the fear of forsaking the luxury she’s doused with. If he disappoints, she will threaten to leave many times but is very unlikely to, the trappings are too sweet so she redefines the determiners of a great marriage to the point where him returning to sleep home eventually is good enough and what ultimately matters. Oh but I digress, I’m really pumped up about the latter group.

You see, there’s a new breed of trophy wives and the sharp guys realize it. We’re past the days when it was about her body, looks and sex appeal. Her looks were his claim to fame and envy. Now it’s about the brains she has, the wit in her conversation, the ambition in her heart, the unique perspective she has on issues. Then as a bonus, she’s good looking too. The Clooney-Alamuddin wedding epitomizes this. You no longer tell your woman to excuse you as you talk serious business; she’s the main motivation and greatest contributor to that conversation.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but there’s a new breed of start-ups and entrepreneurs taking over Ghana. Their vision is transnational, they look at things at a continental and global scale. Most of the guys powering this are as deliberate in choosing their wives as they are their dreams.

The most powerful woman in Silicon Valley, Facebooks COO hit a bulls eye when she said “The most important career choice you’ll make is who you marry.” No wonder Sheryl Sandberg’s such a big hit.

Fact is, all your life’s work and all your academic certificates are plantain chips if the wife is wrong. You’ll squander it in divorce settlement and never reach a fraction of your potential because she could never see beyond your wallet and chauvinism.

I’m surprised by guys who’re intimidated by ambitious intelligent women; I find such women so stimulating. My mind goes berserk thinking of all the magic we’ll do together, because it’s a fact that you get there faster alone, but you go so much farther together.

The right woman will get you richer in half the time with a fraction of the effort. You’ll fight so much less because your conversations will be elevated above the trivialities that plague ordinary relationships. Both your eyes will be so locked on the prize you need each other to reach that irrelevant things will fizzle quickly.

Yes, it wont be automatic, jerks can remain jerks even if they marry a virgin Mary-Queen Esther combo. But the odds are so much better with a woman who believes in heights that make you shudder. Truth is, she won’t be perfect too, but what’s the fun in perfect? It’s being her cover, being the reason for some positive change in her life, the journey to perfection, that’s where the sweetness is.

See, any woman can give you sex, any woman can sprinkle a couple of Ongas over blended tomatoes and make stew, but the kind of woman who will make you the best man you can be, who will make your team of two feel like an army, that woman doesn’t come a dime a dozen, but when you find her…you’re made! Romance wont be the only chord that binds you; you’ll be bound by shared dreams and complementing skillsets.

All this is nothing new, the guy who said ‘Behind every successful man there’s a woman’, he wasn’t kidding. And even now, so many guys know this, so they marry a woman you may consider the unlikely option. O but he knoowwwws what he sees.

So I’m just serving you a memo, when it comes to settling down, the remaining correct guys have a new definition of who a Trophy Wife is. And if you’re a guy with no wife-preferences, consider this the cold water that just splashed on your face.

Be sure to let the size of your dream determine the caliber of person you settle with. If you don’t have a dream, really anyone will do.

PS: Don’t keep! Share…& then subscribe :-)

 

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Photo credit: Getty Images.

30 Comments

  1. Darwin said:

    I salute you Sir, incredible piece. As I read your posts, I keep enjoying them.

    July 1, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      I love the feedback Darwin. Oluwa is involved. God dunnit.

      July 3, 2017
      Reply
  2. Marty said:

    Great piece BenJ
    Totally love it. Thanks much

    June 11, 2017
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Thank you Marty, glad you loved it.

      June 11, 2017
      Reply
  3. Eli said:

    This is really inspiring!!! Love it…

    August 11, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Its one of my very favorites.

      August 13, 2016
      Reply
  4. Portia said:

    Amazing piece, i love it when a woman intimidate his man with her intellects. It pushes the man to step u. Incredible piece BenJ.

    August 11, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      And I can imagine you’re such a woman? 🙂

      August 13, 2016
      Reply
  5. baboa opoku said:

    I have been waiting for you to write up the version on the new era of trophy husbands…still waiting. Last line is still my epic favourite – If you don’t have a dream, really anyone will do.

    August 8, 2016
    Reply
  6. NANA YAA said:

    Maaaannn!! I am awed!! I AM SUPER BLESSED AND YOU ARE THE BLESSING !

    July 5, 2016
    Reply
  7. nanaamathelma said:

    I just gotta share this 🙂 Most fav after 2 hours spent here 🙂 This blog is super dope 🙂

    May 30, 2016
    Reply
  8. Letitia said:

    You make a lot of sense!

    January 12, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      And you just made me smile!

      January 15, 2016
      Reply
  9. Ms Katsonga-Woodward said:

    Fabulous insight. Great writing! Well done.

    October 11, 2015
    Reply
  10. Akua said:

    He tells me I analyse situations too much and I’m too pragmatic as well…..is that a sign?

    August 25, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Too little information Akua, but on its own, being told you’re too analytic and pragmatic arent fatal…I think.

      August 27, 2015
      Reply
  11. Ama said:

    My boyfriend said to me ‘you know I don’t mind if you don’t know how to cook, but I love the fact that we can have conversations on a certain level and we will make such a great team together’. Anyway I’m a chartered accountant and I LOVE to cook!

    August 11, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Boyyy, is he some lucky guy. You sound like the real jackpot here Ama. Write back in 50 years and let me know how it’s turning out 🙂

      August 11, 2015
      Reply
      • Ama said:

        hahahaha 50 years? I could give you updates every 2 years. lol. But intellect attracts some of us and we love it when a guy challenges us to achieve greater heights academically and career wise. Most men are scared because they think the women may disrespect them and rightly so because some women do. I believe there should be a balance between both.

        August 11, 2015
        Reply
  12. Shasha said:

    Nice one

    August 11, 2015
    Reply
  13. Amanda said:

    I need not say much. Everything there is on point. Good job Ben!

    August 9, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Thanks Mandy 🙂

      August 10, 2015
      Reply
  14. Sua said:

    Thank you Lord! Thank you Ben for this enlightening piece. Gone are the days when modern day Trophy wives were nicknamed “Too-known” by some boys II men. It’s a new dawn for women indeed x

    August 8, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Yes yess, dawn of a new era ampa.

      August 10, 2015
      Reply
  15. Abie said:

    My good Lord! Right on point Ben

    August 7, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      lol, good indeed!! Thanks Abie.

      August 10, 2015
      Reply
  16. Kookie said:

    See, any woman can give you sex, any woman can sprinkle a couple of Ongas over blended tomatoes and make stew, but the kind of woman who will make you the best man you can be, who will make your team of two feel like an army, that woman doesn’t come a dime a dozen, but when you find her…you’re made…

    Absolutely love this line!!! esp the Ongas part!

    August 7, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Actually my favorite part too Kookie, lol. Onga levels certainly dont the final say these days.

      August 10, 2015
      Reply
  17. Jaja said:

    Errrrmmmm….I identify with this…good one Benjy.

    August 7, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      If no one will Jaja, you certainly would ;-P

      August 10, 2015
      Reply

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