The Cash Value of Your Piss.

I had something else to write about this week o, but something just happened, and I’m its hostage till this is done.

I just came out of the loo. I don’t feel…I don’t feeeel (clears throat) released to tell you what exactly I did in there, but I can assure you it was a smooth success. No extended wait-time, no hiccups, a rather smooth excremental transaction which ensured that I had much less toxic substances in my body when I left than when I entered.

As I zipped up, I remembered something that arrested me and turned a seemingly normal incident into a humbling miracle. Two days ago my colleague told of a friend who’d been at a very high paying job until February this year when kidney complications made it necessary to proceed on leave…the kind you don’t return from.

Until the incident he had been a high roller, making enough money to make it rain. But his kidneys got a mood swing one day and started failing him. He now needs a dialysis treatment (GHC 400) twice a week. We both live in Ghana, so I don’t need to go on about what impact an GHC800/week recurring expenditure can do to your outlook of life –especially if you’ve lost your job.

Apparently the condition has no specific causes, it comes at will and does as much damage to your body as to your finances. Because the kidneys have failed, there’s no way to filter the toxic substances out of your system and flush it out as urine, so the bad guys swim around inside of you and slowly poison you.

There are thousands of people with that condition, and even more with shit-related complications, sweat-related complications, fart-related complications, sneeze-related complications and complications that make you giggle first before realizing that “Goodness, the guy’s not kidding! He is really hanging on to dear life from a fart-related complication!”

So for the heck of it, I unzipped and peed again, then I sat down and downloaded a little, then I pinched the hair in my nose and sneezed, then I managed a tiny fart, and it was all so tensed I realized I was sweating, then I thanked God for each of these mighty miracles and excremental blessings.

You see, blessings aren’t always the additions God makes to your assets, you’re just as blessed when He saves you the expenditure. When you’re dejected because of your sorry payslip and whatever else, by all means, turn that into energy and ride on it, but also realize that the net effect could have been much worse if you had a job that paid thrice as much, but an ailment that took it all away.

The shame about growing up is that we lose that childish awe, that sense of astonishment that made a remote-controlled toy car as magnificent as the Grand Canyon (or Boti Falls in our case). Consciously reject that. Replay in your mind the wonder of the nervous system and the amazing things our body does to move one foot and let that thought awe and humble you. Thank God that you can bleat like a goat, meow like a cat and speak like a human depending on your mood and what you feel like doing with your mouth. You are coherent and lucid and audible. The magic of speech is illusive to millions of people.

Never let it become normal, never grow out of it. That’s how to keep an attitude of gratitude on fleek (misapplied and so?). Watch documentaries on what goes into each breath you take and you’ll be teary-eyed with gratitude each time you breathe. You are protected on all sides, a thousand fall at your right and ten thousand at your left, but none come nigh thee. The arrows shot by day and the pestilence by night do not affect you. No weapon fashioned against you prospers. It’s because it doesn’t prosper that you don’t see or have to endure the impact of its manifestation, so be even more grateful for the things you can’t see.

Your excremental blessings save you thousands of cedis each month. So the next time you notice a sweat patch or go to the loo, know that you’re living a blessed life, because if you do the maths, you are being saved GHC 150 in hospital charges for each cup of piss you so ‘normally’ let out. Cammon say ‘Thank you Jesus’ sambady! Peace out 🙂

PS: Don’t keep! Share…& then subscribe :-)

 

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15 Comments

  1. kjoe said:

    had to come back to look for this post just to recapture the feeling it left me with when i first read it. Its a masterpiece despite the funny twist.
    Thank you BEN for this reflection.

    November 16, 2016
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      You just made me click to re-read this kjoe. Thank you. I needed it too.

      November 20, 2016
      Reply
  2. Amanda said:

    Oh Lord, I can’t stop laughing. Excremental blessings. Hahaha

    August 9, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      lol, ikr! eezaaaalll blessings 🙂

      August 10, 2015
      Reply
  3. Dzifa said:

    My aunt once told me if you wake up and you can fart you have to thank God. She’s right! My “transactions” were not going too well this week but the good Lord came through for me this morning. Hallelujah! !!😁😁😁

    August 5, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Aaammmeenn!!lol

      August 7, 2015
      Reply
  4. Abena said:

    Aaaaahhh thank you God!!!!! All these blessings we take for granted. Thanks for reminding us of the little things Ben.

    July 31, 2015
    Reply
  5. Ephy said:

    All glory belongs to the most high God.Ben J,thank you for this piece

    July 31, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      Thank you Ephy. I’m glad you wrote.

      August 7, 2015
      Reply
  6. Nii-Baah said:

    Lord Jesus, thank you for a pair of eyes to read this lovely piece.

    July 30, 2015
    Reply
  7. Anonymous said:

    So for the heck of it, I unzipped…the six lines or so after(reading from my phhone) got me rolling over with laughter. So good Ben. I definitely have every reason to be grateful to God since I can do all that and more at no cost.

    July 30, 2015
    Reply
  8. Prince said:

    Ben, u must! be on instagram… pls share your handle

    July 30, 2015
    Reply
    • BenJ said:

      You know, I actually am @anyanbenjamin 🙂

      July 31, 2015
      Reply
  9. Prince said:

    We take things too lightly n for granted many times…I thank God I have read this… makes me appreciate God so much more for the great job he’s doing…. thank you Ben… God bless you

    July 30, 2015
    Reply

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