My friend Kobe has been around. Back in the day, he’d start his Friday night at Purple pub in Osu, where the booze was strong and cheap. He never stayed for longer than an hour, the real fun was elsewhere. He’d grind a little at Aphro, move to Boom, then return to Citizen Kofi in Osu. It was a summary of loud tracks, kaleidoscopic lights, cloud-smoke air, bare-clad women plus excess booze and loose morals. Sometimes, he’d go to Epo’s further down the road hungry. Their food and booze was much cheaper than in the clubs and they stayed open till dawn. That was usually the last point of call till he picked a drop home, all the way in Adenta. If he picked up a girl or a hooker (there’s usually little difference at that time of the night, at those places) he checked into the Blue Gate hotel or little Tokyo lodge and let lust reign.
But that was then. Now, he’s in the choir at his church. I call him the leashed beast and tease him about the havoc he could wreck in that small church choir if he should ever relapse. He tells me a lot about his past. I can tell he enjoys it because I’m always, always amazed. My pupils dilate, my lips part, my body leans in, like an enthralled kid hearing about ‘Madam Red High Heels’ for the very first time. Last week, he told me a story. It shook me.
One Friday night, he was at the Purple pub, guzzling down a massive jug of Guilder. He was with two other guys, and they were just ‘kicking up’ for the night. Then at the bar, he noticed a very respectable man in his mid-forties. He didn’t tell me who the man was, but described him as very respected and well known in Ghana. The man was drinking, but not to kick-up. It seemed like he was drinking to death. He gulped down shot after shot of Vodka, and other liquor so hard it could start an engine and so foul-named it could turn a priest on.
Kobe knows how to mind his business, but that night, he couldn’t sit back and watch this man drink to death. So he did the unusual and approached him. He didn’t mince words, he asked it before he sat down beside the man.
“Boss but why? Everything cool?”
The man stared at him, then at the ‘Sex on the beach’ in his glass, gulped down the last bit, then turned back to Kobe, shaking his head slowly. Almost thirty seconds passed before he answered in his deep, rich, eloquent voice;
“My boy, if you slack marry the wrong woman, even the strongest drink cant numb your pain.”
I heard another story of a doctor who would only eat home if his wife was eating from the same bowl as he. Don’t get it twisted, he isn’t being sweet, he is averting food poisoning.
But why guys why? This isn’t a case of the evil wife, because very often in the news we hear of husbands assaulting and sometimes killing their wives, so we all stink. My desire is to trace what leads to such catastrophe and avoid it.
A boy grows into a man, a seed into a tree, a caterpillar into a butterfly, a pimple into a boil, a smile into a laugh. Things normally grow into a more developed version of themselves. What is your relationship right now? Because it’ll grow into a marriage, it’s just a matter of time.
If in his rage right now he hits you, in future he’ll sacrifice you on the altar of stupidity. If she doesn’t respect you now before your friends, in future your children will be the daily audience to your embarrassment. If she’s so keen on spending your money now, she sure as heaven isn’t signing a pre-nup. Sit with him, talk to her. Call a spade a spade and decide what can change and what cant. If you can live with it in an escalated form, then by all means, feel free. But if you cant and you know that you cant, why wait for a sore to turn into an ulcer?
I pray for model marriages for everyone reading this. I pray that by the mere virtue of reading this, you’ll be exempt from any marital casualty. Because I’ll need you to be coming here even ten, fifteen years from now with a spouse-induced smile, not frown. Pray same for me.
Also, understand that your quest for your dream job, salvation, better you agenda or wealth unlimited will be useless and bitter if you go home to a man, or woman, who makes you cringe. Understand that the right decision is impossible to make if you don’t involve the one who holds the heart of all men in his omnipotent hands. Understand that your love life without God is as pointless as waakye without kawe.
Love yourself. Love your life. Choose right.
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