Barbara said something interesting about last week’s post; she couldn’t decide which was more interesting; the comments or the post -me neither. If you missed it, see it here, else I’m diving straight into what I said to Em after she told me about what had just happened between Kwame and her. Here goes;
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Whichever way you look at it Em, you shouldn’t have slept with him especially on the day you went to start a relationship. It’s a precedence with only bad implications;
Even if he isn’t a body chaser and he still wants to be with you, sex will forever be the indicator of whether you guys are in a good place or not. The thing that’s meant to consummate a marriage has become a ‘health check’ for something that will probably not end up in a marriage.
It’s possible he is a bad guy after all and was just patient enough to chase your body for so long. It’s still possible that he didn’t set out for your body, but after making him feel like dirt for so long, having you meant getting even. He may still want you after all this, but knowing he has the upper hand, he’ll make you do all the hard work. He may even realize that what he was so sure was love in fact wasn’t. He was fooled by his own lust and is as much a victim as you.Sadly, there’s not much you can do. If you do too much, you could come off as needy. Which will give him more cushion to act like a jerk, which will just not work in your favor. If you sit still too, then you’ve left everything in the hands of time, and that’ll be excruciating, because time knows how to take its time papa.
Regardless, this is the deck of cards in your hand, and you must make the most of it, so this is what I’d do; Call him up, be explicit about how you feel about him. You’ve broken moral limits to prove it to him. You hope that he can get past whatever bad blood he feels about your 3 years of stalling and focus on the lifetime of bliss you could have. If he is genuinely serious, he shouldn’t be able to stand you in a pathetic or distraught state. Tell him not to use physical intimacy to get you to prove how you feel about him again. Tell him that it will crush you to lose him, but you still will eventually if the two of you don’t get on the same page soon. Then give him time to breathe and hope he gets back to you.
She tried to call him the following day, she was on waiting, he didn’t call back. She called again that night. She couldn’t get into it, he was busy with something. She said hello a few times on whatsapp, he responded so long after, there was no point. It became unbearable, so she stopped. Then a week later he calls. She’s upset, he sweet-talks her, then he asks her to come over so they settle this once and for all. She’s glad at first, but she senses in his voice and in his relentless insistence that he’s too excited, that he has sexual expectations; he doesn’t want to talk anywhere but in his house, so she doesn’t go.
She calls the following night but he’s busy. Doing what? Taking a walk! Kobe. Is. Busy. Taking a wwaalllkk!!! That was a first. She was crushed, felt violated and foolish. She was one heartbeat short of a heart attack. See what she’d been reduced to!
Honestly (just between us) I still cant tell for sure if there was another girl all this while. I dont know for sure if her body’s what he wanted the whole time or her tortuous handling of his proposal made him feel like paying back that way. My stance is, nothing gives anyone the right to act that way.
Sex used as a weapon, is like a van used as a boat. It’s hard to invite God to take control of wheels you keep puking on. How can he glorify himself in something that wasn’t built on him or doesn’t run on him? You didn’t invite him to the engagement, what right does he have to interfere in your marriage?
That said, ladies, three years is standard time for education, not considering a proposal. In three years even Dettol will expire. When you are stretching a guy, be mindful that he’s not a bodycon dress or lycra top. Be mindful that should you eventually agree to him, he will become the head of you, for life. Let him respect you for how you go about it, not detest you and crave the chance to pay you back.
When a girl takes so long to tell you something positive, it always feels as if some preferred guy finally ditched her and now she has to settle with you. Any guy with minimum wage dignity will resent that. That’s why it’s best to decide with God what to look out for in a man, that way the first week you meet him (or a little later), kpa! his spirit will witness with your spirit and your conviction will transcend his diction and his Prado.
It’s really cool when you FEEL comfortable with a man and can see a beautiful future with him, but nothing beats the peace of a spirit-induced conviction. Because if he’s really really really coming from God, God will keep him for you and you wont have to do any of the dirty dirty work –if you get what I mean 😉
So Em is struggling to keep her cool. Last week he wrote on her Facebook wall “Eii this my too known sweetheart”. It set her recovery several tantrums back, and I really hope she doesn’t visit the rage of Kobe on whichever good guy comes. She permitted me to write this so you could take cues from her story. So if you’re in the middle of torturing some really good guy, dey gee! But first be sure he’s a good guy; get clearance from God and send me an invite to your wedding, I’d give you family & friends discount to MC
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