2nd semester, level 200, Legon. I was in a room with my percher (I’m dead if he sees this) and a certain fine lady we shall caaalll… Esmeralda. We’d all been childhood friends so we were cool like that. But she was closer to him because he was some sort of voice coach to her and could also play the piano.
I’d come in from a 5:30 lecture to meet them voice training. We’d all gotten into laughs and she made a joke about how kissable
my lips are. Now if you know me a little you’ll know that I bark like an Alsatian, but bite like a puppy. So the Alsatian in me goes “Herh! Don’t bring yourself. Don’t start something you cant finish!”
Then she goes “What? You think I cant kiss you?”
I look up to the concrete ceiling, shaking my head “Hmn hmmmnn hmn, someone is playing with fire oo.”
“Ben don’t try me oh”
“Oh puh-lease! See, I just have a leash on o. You don’t wanna take it off #dogSnarl”
All this while my percher is sitting in-between us, looking left then right like he’s about to cross the motor way. Before anyone could say Jack! Esmeralda pulled me in and gave me what in fairness to her I shall duly describe as a disorienting kiss.
In between trying to collect myself and determining if the last five seconds actually happened, the following words came out of my mouth, only this time in a hushed shaky voice; “Herh, I said don’t try me you didn’t listen?! You are lucky I still have my leash on.” Even I was lucid enough to see the jokes in that.
Both Esmeralda and my percher laughed at my shameless audacity! Outnumbered, overpowered, outgunned, knocked out, blistered and all, I still called her lucky.
I remember that night for several reasons, but the greatest of them is how it shaped my understanding of the mantra “Man, know thyself.” If there’s a gerh, with a body like an offering and morals like baggy jeans, my broda what point are you trying to prove going to a private cinema with her? Can’t you see how puny you are?
If you have a stench that just subsides but never goes away and is triggered by sweat, why will you do gidigidi? You know you have a terrible sense of humor, why do you give in to the urge to tell a joke because the other guys told really good ones and the girls laughed? At this age you don’t know yourself? Yoo.
Of all the things the Bible could have told us to do about temptation, we’re told to flee. Not bargain, discuss heritage, blow tongues, attempt fighting, wait and see, we’re told to flee. The meaning of the Hebrew word for flee in that verse is ‘Djwani, djoo fuw3, tu mmrika, run and forget your slippers.’
You’ve known yourself for twenty/thirty-how many years? And you think you know yourself best? Better than the Guy who knew you when you were just an undecided sperm? A clot of blood? Ah-beg ah-beg ah-beg. My sister run.
These rich married men who think they can sleep with anyone they please, I’ll show them a lesson. Me I will never take my skirt off, but aaaiiiii wwiiiiiiilll chop dzi money! By the time he realizes he aint getting some, I’ll have shaved off at least GHC 10,000. Please fine gerh, who are you? Joan of Ark? See, that man –just by virtue of his age- has more experience being bad than you have being a woman. You will gulp down 4 tabs of Postinor 2 before remembering that you were supposed to be immovable. Don’t trouble trouble to trouble you o. Woman know thyself.
If you know you have a temper, why will you ever go and tease the office tease? You thought your short fuse had magically grown longer eh? You know you cant control sleep. If the urge is too strong, you could sleep in the middle of answering a question, so why will you watch Empire till dawn, when you have a presentation at 10am? Know yourself o.
You-ah, you are a recovering porn addict. In your hay days, you watched porn from so many countries, you know how the UN would look like if all the delegates were naked girls. God has saved you, you’ve managed to break that chain, then you hear there’s a nice movie titled ’50 Shades of Grey’ and you’ve given someone a pen drive to copy it for you so you watch when you get home this evening. Are you normal? By the 7th shade po, you’ll have started remembering forgotten websites.
I could keep going, but you get my drift abi? It just sucks to hear that cliché excuse; it’s a mistake, was never supposed to happen, that wasn’t the plan, (my personal favorite) I slipped and fell inside. Rotfl. Please know thyself. I know mine very well and even still mess up sometimes, so what if you don’t at all?
When you know yourself, you don’t pray amiss because you know exactly what you need grace for. You smile when you’re taunted “Are you not man enough?” because you know the taunt is less than the regret dancing kpanlogo at the end of the escapade.
Don’t beat my kiss and end up with your first random child or first random divorce. Lol. Peace out fam. Know thyself.
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