As the year ends, you do know that there are some people & things you’ve got to let go before 01/01/15, right? No?! Okay, let me lend you my list 😉 #TeleTuesdays
So I was at this fancy restaurant in Sunyani after being told it’d take about 30 mins till the food was ready and packaged (I wasn’t eating there – officially, because I was so tired from work & just wanted to get home and relax, unofficially because when you pay so much for a meal I believe you have the Right Responsibility to Really Get In There, y’know??! Preferably out of the public eye… 😉 )
So, I had the brilliant idea to write up something in that time, so here goes nothing.
Letting go is hard. Like Really Hard, sometimes. I think this’s such a big but silent problem amongst the youth today that it deserves to be addressed by someone (*raising my hand up* me! me! me!).
Sometimes it’s your only option after you’ve tried and tried to make things work (which is what you really should do – remember nobody’s perfect, including you). Other times, things really have run down and it’s a mutual understanding that the important things in your lives are taking you to different places – where IDD doesn’t make a difference.
And then sometimes it’s just a classic case of flogging a dead donkey. You know something is not just bad but is actually killing you inside but you sometimes just keep banging your head against a wall. Hoping to ‘break through’ in vain… Allow me to share with you a few ways in which that might occur to you:
I don’t know about you but I can definitely testify as to the number of my friends who just couldn’t see the female *unprintable*s for who they really were until…well, until they did…usually from the windshield of the emotional 16-wheeler that just smashed them unpleasantly out of their reverie in mid-rainbow! Yes. That bad. Ken had his head fixed so firmly in the clouds that even after Shirley stopped calling and texting back with only flimsy excuses for the neglect, he still managed to naively believe she was still his sweetheart, just a bit busier sweetheart than usual…right until she finally painted it in black, white and red for him some months later…serving him an invitation to her wedding in 2 weeks to that guy she always referred to as her ‘cousin’…
- You Hang Unto The ‘But’.
No guys, I’m not talking about finding it hard to give up a girl with..er..Posterior Assets (though, come to think of it, that Could be a But of sorts…). I’m however talking about Serwaa’s being hung up on Joe who is an As-Yet-Uncaught Degenerate Skirt-chaser (even his own sister warned her off a month ago!) and Loudmouth, BUT he’s so good with kids and never forgets to drop a little ‘something’ in her account every two weeks or so. Or of Gerald who is constantly berated behind closed doors by Awo after every single social faux pas he makes in the company of her ‘upper-class’ friends, BUT she’s so friggin Hot that he can barely get past her choosing him, to the point of his emasculation…
For the 6th time, Kwafo has left Alice impromptu at a restaurant (inadvertently?) leaving her stuck with the bill. He owes her about GHS10,000.00 accrued over the past 6 months for paying for only God knows what and shows absolutely no indication of him going to pay back within the near future, Whenever she remembers all this however she hears a little voice in her head going “he’s such a fine guy and is so courteous to your parents, do you really want to let this little thing make you let go?” – I mean, even her parents are in favour of their relationship (of course she’s told them nothing about Kwafo’s money issues) and he’s always just in a tight place and it’s okay really, she’s got money to spare…
One would think full grown young men and women who had overcome their fear of the dark and things that go bump in the night would have absolutely no trouble walking the lone path but apparently that’s not the case in many instances. The first time Abrokwah beat the living beejezus out of Mary, her roommates and friends were sure that that unholy chapter of her life would definitely be over and silently sent up prayers of gratitude at the silver lining in this cloud – they prayed too soon. The next Friday night saw those two at Yegoala ‘Drunk In Love’ à la Beyoncé ft. Jay-Z… To say the pleas of some of her friends fell on deaf ears was an understatement – in fact, the only thing that saved Kuukua from a beat-down herself was the presence of her own boyfriend when Abrokwah confronted her angrily at the hostel parking lot one evening at her daring to advise his girlfriend to leave him! It took near-hospitalization 2 months down the line before Mary was finally free of the beast. Lying on her bed sobbing quietly with her concerned roommates at a loss of words, she finally narrated a history of an absentee father and smothering mother in the midst of a divorce who left her with lots of money in between them but no parenting whatsoever – leaving her prey to the first young man who showed a little bit of care for her..
- You think you won’t get it better than this
Maabena is a young, pretty, ward attendant who was taken by the charms of one of the most popular doctors in her department…who also happens to be a degenerate skirt-chaser (allegedly with a child by a nurse in the district somewhere where he had his Housemanship rotations). She listened to every word Dr. Ohene spoke to her in sweetness and never doubted him when he claimed to be faithful to her and only her, even after countless reports from her friends (and even some of his) of his infidelity time and time again…right up to her showing up at his flat unannounced just a month to their wedding, only to find him romping enthusiastically around his bedroom with another ward assistant from the same hospital :O Maabena’s last-ditch reason for sticking to the young man: “But he’s a nice guy really, I don’t think I’ll get any better than him now…”
- You Feel Bad.
Archie had been mulling it over in his head for weeks now. Eno had become something else entirely in such a short span of time – and it had all started when she became friends with Adelaide and her group of harpies! He’d show up at her workplace for their Friday lunch together more than a few times and she’d be nowhere to be found. And of course, that was the very moment she’d choose to leave his calls unanswered – so he stopped doing so, and boy was that a fight! She’d had him take a loan for GHS12,000.00 from his bank because she didn’t have some of her papers in order at the time – apparently for her mum’s knee surgery, only for him to find out that though her mum did have the surgery, it totalled GHS9,000.00. Asking her about the discrepancy only led to her flying into a rage and storming out on him, only to show up with her mother to beg for forgiveness the day afterward. Truth be told, by then, Archie was well and truly fed up, but because of how her mother had taken him as family already, and how tough their living circumstances were, well…
- You feel you’ve ‘invested’ too much into the relationship already
Frances had had it with Atsu’s mood swings and terrifying temper. 4 years of an undlating relationship had served to prove to her once and for all that spending the rest of her life with this young man would be nothing short of a miraculous venture if she so chose to do so. Though he had never laid a single finger on her before, his words could be so barbed at times that they cut like a white hot knife through her whenever they happened to have a disagreement. The only thing that actually kept her plodding through their last year of relationship was her remembering how much money she’d spent to support Atsu through an extra course he decided to pursue at GIMPA which he’d only just finished…and the time she’d spent getting to know the members of his family…and the amount of emotional credit she’d spent on their rollercoaster of a relationship so far. She just couldn’t bear thinking of a past of bad investment, coupled with no future dividends to show
8. What will they all think??
Now this’s the really tricky one.
‘Kwesi & Aba’ – that’s been the legend over the past 6 years. They have known each other’s families for at least 5 of those years. The genuine twist here is that they have truly been through a number of ‘trials’ in their years together, but if they were really honest with each other, they’d have to admit that it really was a Help-Me-Finish-My-Course relationship and they got together more for the “Why not?” than the “Why?”. Unfortunately, somewhere after Uni their plans escaped them and since 2 years ago the pressure has steadily mounted on both sides for Kwesi to marry Aba, the Bishop’s daughter. Now, trapped by the stickiness of a situation and realising between them that they were at their best together just as really good friends and not as life partners, they are both allowing themselves to be dragged kicking and screaming (internally, of course) to the Altar…because of their dread at what their respective families will think, and of the opinions of the Society at large.
If you’ve been with me so far, Í’d like you to pause for a moment and let these archetypes sink in, considering that these are only but 8 of the possibilities out there. If you see yourself reflected here in any capacity, I have a single question for you: Na so you go dey??
I believe that Life is too short to:
a. be hung up on one person who doesn’t give you the light of day
b. learn everything by (bad) experience
c. make excuses for consistently bad behaviour
d. spend being afraid of loneliness or your own company
e. undervalue yourself, because you’ll come across many who can do it better than you
f. make life-changing decisions because of what other people want/think alone
g. cry over bad debt when it saves you from bankruptcy later on
h. live your life by the opinions of other people
Ask yourself this last question: if you fail to let go before things explode in your face – which they will, it’s just a matter of time really – where will all your false friends and advisors be when you’re going through all the hurt? If even they’re right next to you by some miracle, can they share your burden?
Let me leave you with one of Life’s deepest lessons that I’ve had to learn:
The person you choose to go out with, or marry, should be the Most Selfish Decision you ever make in your life – don’t do anyone any favours…
Abeg, na my opinion o! 😉 Agree, or nah? Hit me up below and let’s get talking!
Happy New Year folks!!!
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