So I’ve been married, what? like two months and I’ve cracked it! I figured out best practices on how to cheat on your Mrs. It’s not rocket science really, and if this doesn’t work, I’m offering a money-back guarantee! See, these days, a wedding ring turns more women on than ripped abs and fake slangs. Just flash that ring and they be like “Oooohh mmyyy, that Mrs. sure is lucky! My goodness. Have you been treating her right? do you make her happy? are you sure? (giggles) really? You wanna show me?”

Last week, my married cousin passed by my office with Naa, our mutual friend. Sam’s a nice guy. Nice, respectable guy. leads Bible study in church but is not an uptight Christian. He has the blackest lips! When we were talking, I couldn’t help but notice the purple smudge on his lip. Naa had gone to use the washroom so it was just us talking. The more we spoke, the harder it became to ignore the smudge on his lip. Naa’s lipstick was purple. Very quickly, my mind connected the dots! So I asked “Wait a minute, Sam, there is lipstick on your lips. How did lipstick get on your lips!?”

His heart missed a beat, but it didn’t show in his calm countenance. He just wiped hard and said dismissively “Oh it’s nothing, just a French way of saying hi.”

I laughed till I choked. “Eeeeeyiii! Gyimitoooottto! French ebaaadzi?! French way of saying ‘hi’. Then how’ll they say ‘How are you?’ Nonsense, but how can you try to BS me? you know i’m too smart for that!”

His face was all kinds of silly. Read More How To Cheat On Your Wife.

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EVERYONE knows the famous “ask and you shall receive” verse. Eeeeverryyyyone and their grandmother. I’m one of those people who falters between not asking because how-can-you-make-something-like-that-happen and ask-anyway-because-theres-the-likelihood-you-wont-get-it-mpo.

Typically, I end up at ask-anyway. Because I’m all for shoot-your-shot and see where it lands.

My favourite (I know, I know, you’re not really supposed to have favourites, but stay with me) verse regarding prayer and whether or not it gets answered is when God asks Moses, “is my hand waxed short?” Every time I think about asking for something and I think it might be too big an ask, I try to remind myself of that.

How can it be too big, do you know who you’re asking? My friend, ask worhor. “ – is the running monologue I have with myself.

Read More This Kind Prayer

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I hate forwarded messages. Okay, maybe hate is too strong, I passionately dislike them. I’m also not a big fan of recycled seasonal messages. This Easter, there’re a ton of generic images and messages going round. I’m not really interested in that because I think there’s a deeper issue. Look, you cant fool me. You know what Easter is all about. You know it’s about Jesus dying for your sins blah blah blah, the facts of the matter have been plain to us since Sunday School.

“It’s good to keep reminding ourselves” you say. But our issue isn’t forgetfulness, it is conscious indifference. We have so numbed our senses that all those Easter verses and images, they don’t really tickle us anymore. Easter, and so? People be sending whatsapps like “About this time, Judas  was getting ready to delete himself from the 12 disciples whatsapp group. It’s all fun and games. We’re more grateful for the long weekend than the blood that was shed. It’s not out of ignorance, it’s just that….and so what? Well, I’m going to try to bring it home. I’ll try.

When I was a foetus, I had an unusually big head. At the time, they didn’t care if it was genius or what, you had to go. The doctor gave my mum a hard choice “We either terminate your pregnancy, or that pregnancy terminates you. Don’t get it twisted, one of you will die.” I wasn’t born yet, so I wont have taken it personal, but my mum said “NO!. If I lose my life whilst having him, well so be it!” Read More Easter And So What?

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“Brian, stop this! I won’t stand for this much more oh!”

He paid her no heed and sneered as he pushed her back once more, causing her to back into the wall so she could no more retreat any further.

Brian was a nasty drunk – but that was only part of the problem that evening.

Ewurafua had disposed of every single bottle of alcohol in the house and he was pissed that he’d started his binge after work only to come to a house devoid of his ‘nightcap’ before bed. If he was to be honest to himself though, he would have admitted that his anger that particular night stemmed from some difficulties at work – talk about bringing your work home!

She tried to back out of his reach in a dash to the side but he’d predicted her next move and in a flash was there.

“I bet you think you’re better than me now eh?’ He slurred his words only slightly but the added wicked glint in his eyes caused her heart to sink. He wasn’t drunk enough to fall asleep any moment. He would come after her soon.

She tried to duck under the arm he placed in her way to the right but he moved to block her escape.

“Herh! Where do you think you’re going?”

“But Brian you’re-”

The hot slap that landed was a shock, and then again not so much of one. This was usually how it began.  Read More MMA at Home!

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I’m not that tall, but when I stand on my lyrics, you lie baadd! I can give you vibes aaah, you’ll have to tip toe to reach my shoulder. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard people say “Eiiii you thhiiissss bbooyy! I cant wait to see who you end up marrying!” So many people said it that I started getting really curious myself…and a little worried too; who was I going to end up marrying?

I’m told I have a sense of humour, and gorgeous women love men who can keep a smile on their faces. When a fine girl comes from money, is mature or has been bad long enough, she KNOWS, that it’s not all about the money. That’s where my kind get’s the upper hand. I will do you logoligi saaaah, you wont even check my tithe.

But even funny fine guys have issues. I have my issues. I can be critical, overly analytical, sometimes lazy, a little dramatic, a photographic memory, plus a tad too much ego. Unless it’s exceptionally stimulating, it’s hard for me to keep a sustained interest in one thing for too long, that’s why advertising is so cool, I get to work on many brands at the same time. I knew I was so some way that I wasn’t expecting to run into the woman I’d marry anytime soon. Read More How I Met My Wife

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Poems

Fam, it’s been a while, and don’t you think for a moment that I’ve forgotten about you. Thing is, when I blindly repeated after my pastor “This is my year of possessing my possessions! I shall claim all that is mine! Every inheritance of mine comes to me in Jesus name!”, I had no idea He’d take me so seriously so quickly. It’s only March but enough amazing stuff have happened to fill a year, top of which is…shhhh…wait for it. Top of which is….AAAIIIII GGGAAAATTTT MMAARRIIEEEEDDD!

I deeeeed, i deeeed fam. I got my gold in words dipped in some hot marital sauce.Yes yes, i know, you’re right, there were no pre wedding photos, there was next to no publicity but still I am better than Adele. The Mrs. is  amazing and you most likely know her. She was the wife in Mistress of My Life- The Krobosutra story, she inspired ‘The SEXIEST Thing About My Dream Wife’ and the all-time best post ever on this site; ‘Made By A Woman.’ plus several others. Read More Goldinwords Has A Mrs!

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“Welcome Ladies & Gentlemen,” the Master of Ceremonies boomed impressively into the microphone, followed by a barely perceptible whisper it would fail to pick, “…though I use the term very lightly.” His stare fell on the Nigerian AJẸ delegation as he did – luckily, they didn’t appear to have noticed the veiled slight.

The first Worldwide Awards Ceremony for the Practitioners of the Alternate Arts (as it was billed at the lobby of the 5-star hotel, welcoming delegates to the exclusive event ) was finally on and attendance was impressive. Registered delegates were from over 95 countries by the last count, with the sizes of each delegation ranging from a minimum of 3 to about 12 – of course, the largest were from African countries mostly (this international gathering would be just like most mainstream ones in that regard, it appeared).

The Swedish HaXa Chapter had been finally chosen to host the programme and they couldn’t be more impressed with themselves…in that stoic, silent, Swedish way of course. Read More Who is Really Doing You??!

Inspiration Religion short story

ERM…I don’t love him. If my father died tomorrow, there’d be no attachment. My life wouldn’t be any different than it has been for the past few years. He hasn’t really done anything. He was a bad father and a terrible husband. I have cared for myself for the past two years. I pay the bills at home. I don’t love him. I have never told him I love him. feel pity for him really,” uttered my friend.

I have a group of male friends who, if I do say so myself, are amazing. They are not without their flaws, but they are some of the most talented, comforting, intellectual men I know. There’s a saying that goes “children don’t do as they are told, they imitate what they see.” Some of my male friends, after I have pried and forced them to talk about things like this, admitted that they didn’t have the best fathers. They had physical fathers, but not so much relationships with those men. Based on that and the saying, I began to ponder the kind of fathers my male friends would be to their future children.

I’ve wondered if somehow, based on the notion of children doing as they see and not as they are told, my friends would act like their fathers or were already doing that without knowing it. One of my closest friends comes from a dual-parent home and yet doesn’t really have a relationship with his father.
Read More The Forgotten Fathers

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So there’s this saying, “Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.” I personally had an interesting time confronting some unpleasantness this weekend and I just had to respond to it at first. I felt that I had to stand up to what I believed in all costs but it caused an escalation in events. Our guest blogger today speaks to me like I really needed it and I’m sure he’ll be speaking to you too today – a New Way of answering to provocation…

 

Daniel looked at his wife and wondered what she was up to.

‘Is she trying to kill me?’ He thought.

He had arrived home late… well past midnight… and she was silent….

Mrs. Anna Serebuor looked out as the rains lashed against the window. It was past midnight and she prayed her husband would come home. They had had a bad argument and her husband hadn’t come home last night. The tears flowed freely now, clouding her vision as she strained to see through the windows for any signs of her husband’s approaching car.

She’d come home the previous night very disturbed. She’d attended the Revolutionary Women conference and had come to realize how she had played a significant part in gradually creating the gulf that now existed between them – she was always nagging.

The words of the man of God kept ringing in her head; “Your greatest weapon is the gift of a meek and quiet spirit. Every man loves a stable woman.”

And he had gone on to give many examples.

“Look at Ruth. She follows Naomi to a place she doesn’t know, does what she’s told and gets to share in the genealogy of our Lord… Your people shall be my people… cool, calm and collected.” Read More The Eloquence of Silence (Guest Blogger Kwasi Koranteng)

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